This is a video I've wanted to share for 3 months now: EVERY time I go into a supermarket I trip off the security alarms...
I know that it's probably something on me - or maybe in me - that sets them off and I've tried different combinations of not taking in my keys, wallet, car key, coat, my lucky pebble, and this time my belt (which is why my jeans are hanging low).
THIS IS THE TRANSCRIPT - CLICK PLAY ON THE VIDEO ABOVE!
I have shot this video five times and I don't know why but I can't seem to finish it, so I’m going to ask you to help me.
I’ve set up this poll and the link is in the description.
These are the videos that I really want to make and for whatever reason there's something stopping me from making them.
So I’m sorry to put this on you but I’m hoping that you can get me through this.
What video should I make next?
So the first one on the list is “how I stopped my anxiety”.
Ever since I was a school kid I’ve had this anxiousness.
I can only describe it as a ball of anxiety in my stomach.
It's just there all the time.
It just flares up and it flows down, I just felt that I would give a fight or flight response to everything.
That anything that was occurring in my life, anything I was thinking about, my stomach would react to it.
It's the only way I can describe it.
It's like a omnipresent ball of... a knot of anxiousness that was just there all the time.
But on top of that I was also getting really random panic attacks.
Sometimes I was in quite stressful situations and I’d know it because my body would... would let me know, but sometimes it would just flare up for no reason whatsoever.
It was 11:58 in the morning and I’m with my writing partner in London's trendy Hoxton.
We're running down the streets around Old Street in London.
It's a place with lots of design and advertising companies.
We had a meeting that started at 12 and we just could not find this office at all.
So we're running around trying to find this this loft warehouse office among a sea of loft warehouse offices and I had to just stop dead I suddenly stopped dead and I said “it's gone!”
He... he thought I was talking about the meeting.
I just noticed in that moment - I remember it was May 2016.
My anxiety had completely gone.
It was gone.
He said: “Are you okay?”
I said “No. I usually have that ball of... uh anxiety in my stomach I have that... the knot, the knot’s gone. My stomach feels completely normal.”
And I think he was a bit angry because I was kind of making this even later for this, this meeting.
I just had this weird feeling in me where everything... everything had gone.
The anxiety that I’d been living with for decades was just completely disappeared.
I don't know why my body isn't reacting to it anymore, so what happened?
Something happened.
It feels really weird talking about it.
I haven't really talked about it at all - just in real life let alone as a YouTube video.
Should I tell you what the two things are?
I mean there are lots of things that I’ve ruled out like getting older... my circumstances changing...
But if anything I think my, my circumstances have become more... more perilous and more likely to cause anxiety!
But it's gone. It's completely gone.
I think I know exactly what stopped my anxiety and I want to share that but I’m worried about sharing it because firstly it might not work for you if you're looking for a solution to how to stop your anxiety...
And I guess I’m scared that it might not work even though I’m not offering it TO work.
The funny thing is, this situation I’m in right now being in a park with a camera held in front of me just walking and talking with people around me that would usually trigger my anxiety response.
It would it would just really set off that feeling of horribleness.
I did two things and I... I continue to do those two things and the anxiety has completely 100% gone.
I, I almost miss the anxiety.
I almost want it to come back just to prove that I wasn't imagining it in the first place.
I can tell you the two things now, because that might help me to make this video.
The two things are: I fixed my sleep.
Uh, it turns out that I uh... that I have sleep apnoea [sleep apnea] and I was given a machine to fix that.
But the anxiety stopping happened about a year and a half after going onto this machine, so I think getting my sleep fixed was the first step.
And then the second step was doing a thing called morning pages, where I get everything out of my head out onto the page.
I did it in a concerted way using a book called The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.
I’d always done morning pages but I’d never hand written them.
This ball of anxiety, the panic attacks, the fight or flight response just went after literally three decades of feeling like this.
Three decades of this being just the way that I reacted to things.
It stopped. It stopped dead and it didn't come back.
Now I don't know why I don't want to make this video because, you know, on one level I’d think it would be really kind for people who might be suffering anxiety.
But I think I’m scared.
I’m scared that it would come off as a bit... I don't know, a bit smug?
Or that I’m uh offering a solution that might not be appropriate to everyone or even anyone?
The next idea is how I got this scar.
I don't know if you can see it.
Don't know if that's in focus.
In December 2011 I was on a Boris bike.
I think in New York they're called citibikes but back then they were they were known as Boris bikes.
Anyway see... I’m already trying to talk the conversation away from what I should be talking about which is that I... I came off my bike and I... I don't remember a thing.
The five hours of my life that I, I don't remember.
It was Holborn Circus which is basically a roundabout.
I always found it quite tricky because when I turned off - they've changed the layout now - I’d always have to look behind me to make sure there wasn't a car behind me.
And that's the last thing I remember.
And then the next shot in my head, if it were a movie the next shot in my head would be a cut to just me looking at the ceiling.
I could see this hospital ceiling.
I didn't know his hospital ceiling, so one minute I’m on my bike the next minute I’m looking at the ceiling.
And it felt nice and warm and I realized I couldn't move... I couldn't turn my head because I had this massive plastic brace around it.
Just with my fingers, my hands, I felt around and I noticed that all my clothes had been uh cut off me.
Removed from me.
And it must have been quite a bad accident because my first instinct was:
I’ve got to tell my boss.
So my phone - the nurses have very kindly left my phone by my side - I was in a corridor but I could feel under the covers. Got my phone, so I phoned... phoned my boss.
And I think literally verbatim - word for word - my message that I left on his machine was “Accident... hospital... uh head... uh damage... might not be in tomorrow.”
Didn't even occur to me to... to phone my long-suffering wife and family.
And then the second thing that came into my head was...
“I’ve got to take a picture of this!”
So I lifted the phone up over my head and took a selfie, and this is the picture!
I think if I go into the properties, maybe I could see the... the time of day that this was shot to get the exact time.
But the best thing was that a policeman had helped me throughout.
A police officer who happened to be male had helped me, and I... a week later I managed to get in touch with him and I want to make this video and tell the story of my accident and what I heard happened and what wonderful thing... that you think London is quite a cold place but actually quite a few people came to my aid.
And I, I think it'd be quite a positive video to make and that is how I got this scar that looks like either like I’ve got some food on my face or that I have uh that I was born this way.
But it wasn't, it’s just from where I uh hit the road.
So that's it, those are the ideas that I’m working on for the next video but which one should I do next?
There's a poll in the description if any of these ideas trigger any kind of response why not leave a comment below it'd be lovely to hear from you, but it's really helping to get them out of my head and out onto here so I guess it's one step closer to actually making them.
Got something that you really truly want to do, but just haven't started on it yet?
This is hands down the best way to stop procrastinating...
It's so good, that I hold back from using it because I know that when I start it won't stop until it's finished.
I call it Experimental Nano-Chunking.
We've all tried breaking things down to become simpler tasks.
But this involves breaking it down to the tiniest, smallest possible task.
And combining it with treating it like an experiment.
I walk you through the system, and filmed myself trying it out in real time on a few tasks I've been putting off. Experimental Nano-Chunking is so powerful, I ended up knocking all three out of the park having been knocking them back for months.
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AWAKEN THE GIANT WITHIN by Tony Robbins (Amazon US) https://amzn.to/2zDGOEj
(Amazon UK) https://amzn.to/2Xic98f
Hello I'm Neil Mossey, welcome back to the Happy Hut
I am a development producer: I help other people like creators and performers and executives to get ideas out of their heads to make people laugh. Most of the time intentionally!
I have done it a very long time - look, back when I even had hair... but I've got two secrets that I want to share with you in this video.
THIS IS THE TRANSCRIPT - CLICK PLAY ON THE VIDEO ABOVE!
The first secret is that I put off making stuff.
I am really good at putting stuff off - and that's me being modest
I think... no, I know that I am one of the leading procrastinators in Britain today
I'm putting off stuff right now even while I'm talking to you.
Look at this wall
Look how much I'm putting off right now. That's all me!
So for this procrastination buster video you are in really good hands
My second secret is this: I think I have got the world's best technique for how to stop procrastinating
It's so good that I procrastinate from using it.
That if I even start using it, I always follow through with what I want to do - which is the thing that I'm putting off
I call it experimental Nano-chunking
[DEEP VOICE:] NANO-CHUNK!
See, making that jingle meant that I could put off making this video just a little bit longer - you know make the process just a little bit more complicated
Leave a comment below, I'd love to know how your brain sabotages you
I'm going to walk you through experimental Nano-chunking and it's come from me putting together two ways to stop procrastinating
The first came from this guy, Tony Robbins - I'll put a link down below in the description but in here - it's a thick book - he proposes an idea called chunking, which is all about breaking down a big task down into manageable chunks
So, writing a book might be a thing that you want to do today but that is too big and overwhelming so that you'll always put it off
He proposes chunking which is breaking it down into chunks like... write a chapter of a book or do some research
But even with that, I ended up with just lists of tasks
I carry these around with me is like a big stream of guilt
I call it a permafrost of tasks because I can't chisel away at it
To get around this I took chunking to an extreme and I combined it with two other ideas to create experimental Nano-chunking
[DEEP VOICE:] NANO-CHUNK!
And I'm gonna show you how it works
It all started with this over here
This is a hook that I use to hang up my bag
It's a really important thing because I put my equipment in here and take it home each night - and it was really annoying me that it was on the floor
For whatever reason I wasn't putting up this hook and this is the actual list where I created the technique of experimental nano-chunking
I wish I could remember who said it
It's a really beautiful single line: "Treat everything like it's an experiment"
I'll say it again "treat everything as an experiment".
The problem we have is that we want things to be perfect and we want the outcome to be ideal
That just stops us from from doing stuff
We put up these blocks to protect ourselves because if we do something and it doesn't come out right, deep down we feel like our life is under threat - even though it's not
It's a thing called the resistance
This is a brilliant book as well - The War of Art by Steven Pressfield
Again I'll put the link below but he described the resistance which is this thing within us that stops us from doing the stuff that we really want to do and the great thing with the experimental nano-chunking is that it gets you around the resistance, because you are just treating everything like it's an experiment
It means that you can just try stuff out
And this is what I tried out.
I wrote down "what if I have my pad here and write out every what if as it occurs"
Well I did that task already so I could instantly cross it off
Then I wrote out "what if I were to put off wormmate until after the next what if?"
Now that was the online distraction of the day and that actually made me laugh and I think that is the secret of experimental nano-chunking, that you've got to write down these chunks in ways that are so stupidly small that it makes you laugh - actually makes you laugh out loud
But I realised that I had chunked down the task of putting up this hook for my bag down to the tiniest possible chunk, and so I'd given birth to the Nano-chunk
[DEEP VOICE:] NANO-CHUNK!
Which meant that I could now do the next tiniest possible nano-chunk
What if I were to hold my bag up to the wall to see where a hook might go?
And I did that and I hadn't died so I could cross it off the pad
I realised with experimental nanochunking that you have to do the smallest possible task and not cross it out and move on with your life until you've done it
I'd already done more about this hook in two minutes than I had in two months
What if I get a pencil?
I couldn't move on until I had got a pencil
What if - and I love that I wrote the next one with the pencil - what if I mark the midpoint with the bag (I might have to OCD a tape measure)
Now that's good. I could already see how I would over complicate this nano task and I preempted it and actually wrote it out
What if I go to the garage and fetch the drill box and bits?
Now here's how procrastination works. Already, because I'm making progress, my mind is flipping out all over the place and I'm throwing in all these other ideas and tasks so I just wrote it out as the next line - as the next Nano chunked task
What if I text Rob to tell him about JMcH or call.
That has absolutely nothing to do with me putting up a hook for my bag on the wall
I wrote it down and I did it and then I crossed it off the list
It's really important not to write more than one nano chunk at a time
The really dangerous thing with this system is that you can instantly think of lots and lots of little tasks and write them all down to work through, but as soon as you get more than one task it falls apart every time
You have to do it one line at a time
What if I mark the thing on the wall?
Now here the list ends and goes onto other tasks because I actually carried on and put the hook out
This system of experimental Nano chunking works
It's just a what if
It's not an order or a task
The other thing I found is that it helps to write the What If? as a process and not an outcome
So the What If is about doing something instead of how it turns out, and I'll show you that on these two examples
I managed to film myself back in January trying to get over making my video about a head shaver, and again last week when I made my DIY T-shirt face mask video
For both of those I really wanted to make the videos, but everything in my brain - the resistance - was telling me don't do it
You probably do this too
Leave me a message below if you do
It's either "the head shaver video is going to be rubbish so I don't want to start it yet" or the other extreme, "the DIY face mask video is really good so I don't want to start it yet and mess it up"
That's chronic procrastination
So let's see how I use experimental Nano chunking to do the things that I want to do
Okay here's a-- ahh, there you are!
This is a really good example
I've been putting off making a video about a new head shaver and I really want to make it because it's really difficult finding a good head shaver and there's some things that I think I want to say about what - is it called elective baldness?
I don't know - I'm kidding myself because I'm bald but I also shave my head
There's something funny in that
I want to explore that
I've got the system here
I'm just starting to do the system so why don't I turn the camera on and and record the process of using the Nano chunking experiment to actually crack a creative project that I want to make and put out into the world
So here's the list right here, but the first thing I wrote was "what if I go and get the key and plug in the Hut"
Yeah there wasn't any power on so I've plugged in the hut, so I've got power now
What if I get all the gear I can
So did that and I crossed it off and I'm writing these one at a time but I've just skipped ahead with this one
What if I warm up the hut to more than 13 degrees centigrade - so I've got the fan going
You can probably hear that
What if I get the tripod
Well I can do that now
There. Got the tripod
So now I cross that off the list
So what would the next one be
The next one would be "what if I put up the tripod" because I've got an idea for this video to have two cameras and I've got my setup here, so that I'll put one camera - well there goes the tripod - I put one camera there and then I can put this tripod up with these arms to get a second camera looking down
Even if it's a rubbish video and I think this is gonna be a terrible video - it's worth me doing this to have a new system for shooting two camera videos
My videos might be a little bit better, and I think that's why we stop doing these things because we know we're gonna get a little bit better at something
Anyway let's put the tripod up
So it's a bit difficult to do this one-handed
Now I've got my setup done I'll take a look at the temperature over here
It's now gone above something where I'll freeze my toes off so I can turn the heater off now and even better I can cross that to do item off my Nano chunk list
So I'm now up to date - I can still carry on writing one at a time
I find it helps to speak to myself like I'm five so I keep the language very very blunt
"What if I go and get the shaver?"
I love this system because it means I can devote myself completely to one single task
I've only got one task right now, and that's to get the shaver from over there to over there - it's all I need to do
There's the shaver - YOINK!
[MUSIC]
Here I am with the shaver, and I've got the camera in place now
I've got a second camera just slightly out of shot so I can film the table and I think... I think I'm set!
Except I'm not as you can probably hear the sound's a bit rubbish, so I need to go and get the- the microphone.
I can cross this off now, write:
"What if I get my microphone?"
Out I go again. Ugh! Slippers!
[Music]
So now I've got the microphone... Oh I need to shut that!
So now I've got the microphone, I can cross that off my list
Off that goes.
I need to get things ready in here.
"What if I open, no, close the blind - oh - and plug the microphone in."
So I've written that on the list now, I can now plug this in - so that now works - hopefully that sounds better
Make sure this is switched off, I need to take my coat off and get ready
[MUSIC]
I'm kind of on a point of no return, and that's that's the thing with this nano chunking system - is that you do reach a point where you're kind of all in and it suddenly becomes a hassle to write down every nano- task
Sometimes I help for it to keep going, to keep them super small, so that you don't just suddenly stop - but...
I think I've now got absolutely everything in place for a task that I didn't want to do, even though I really wanted to do it, I haven't actually taken action to get started with it
And now I've got everything in place. I've got my second camera. I've got my microphone. I've got the Hut looking sort of how I want it to. It's still not perfect. I think the lighting isn't just right yet. I'm not entirely happy with how this second camera looks.
Let's hit record on that so I can show you
This isn't quite how I'd want it. I think I want the shot a bit wider, but I've got everything here that I need.
So then I hit record and made the video about the hair clippers.
I honestly thought that nobody would watch it.
Little did I know that two months later, international catastrophe emergency conditions: the entire planet has to stay at home and cut their own hair.
Suddenly the views of this thing go up tenfold and my video actually starts helping people to find the right hair clippers.
If this video is helping why not hit the like button to help other people find it, or the subscribe button to help me get to 10,000 subscribers - really appreciate it
Anyway here's the next example of Nano chunking.
It's actually the opposite kind of procrastination where I actually wanted to make something because I thought it was actually quite good!
Okay so this is a tough video to shoot
I'm stuck, and it's quite difficult to admit that I'm stuck. I'm gonna put the lights on.
So I'm stuck on, I'm stuck on this: look over here.
"Make a CPAP mask-- not a CPAP -- make a face mask with a t-shirt
It's a really simple dumb idea - something I really want to do
I really want to make a mask and I really want to make a video
Why can't I just make a video of me making a mask?
I've completely turned it into something bigger than it is, but I'm stuck and I've been sitting on this idea for about two weeks now?
So what I've decided to do is to get the camera out and make it even more complicated! Make a video about the video about the face mask
It's not because it's not a good idea - it is the exact opposite
It's because I know it's a really good idea as something that I really wanted to do and the more I want to do it the more I seem to block doing it
The resistance is that thing that when you have a good idea everything in your brain and body will conspire to stop you from doing it
And there's all kinds of biological reasons why we're programmed this way
Basically by doing something you really want to do - that represents change
And change biologically represents death, because you might change something and it might not work out and then you will die!
Okay that's how we're wired
So I'm going to use this system now to free me from this block
I hope it frees me from this block.
At least it's a thing to do while I'm not doing the thing.
I've done some free writing, just to bring my brain.
Look six pages of things in my head.
Got to the Nano chunking list, and this is my first nano chunking task
We're gonna break down all the tasks down to the absolute tiniest level
Open the t-shirt script in Google Docs
So I'll do that now
Scripts in here
I've got one document where I put all my YouTube ideas into, and my block is basically going through them and choosing them and making a decision and I still don't want to make a decision
So what I'm going to do now is everything except make a decision, so I can do all this other work and move it forward without having yet to make a decision
I'm gonna make that as small a thing as possible
It's really important when you're nano chunking to only write down one thing at a time
Only one tiny tiny tiny task, and cross it off as a little achievement for each step
So my next step would be: print out what I've got
I'll write down "print out T-shirt ideas"
[MUSIC]
So I've got all my t-shirt ideas here then the next step would be to read them
That's all.
Just read them, so I'm gonna get a nice drink and just read through them and I don't have to do anything else.
All I've got to do is just read what I've got
That's my one tiniest smallest task that I can think of right now apart from sit down and get a pen
[Music]
Can I just say, cos I know I'm recording here - I so didn't want to read through these that I've ended up actually writing
I'm actually writing the script instead of doing what I should be doing - which is reading these!
That's okay because I wanted to read these to get to this, but what I have now done is to avoid THIS - I'm now doing THIS.
It sort of works
[Music]
Oh sometimes this happens.
You get started on the Nano chunk task which was for me to sit down with a nice drink and to just read through what I've got, and then all these other things pop into your head of all these other things you should be doing
But if one comes up like "I need to get my glasses", what I do is... I do write that down as another task. Do it quickly, and then cross it off there and then.
So if other things start popping into your head like "I just need to check that" or "I need to get that" write them down as nano chunks and- and do them in order, and then you'll have to go back to the Nano chunk that triggered or these other thoughts
So you're still Nano chunking - don't move away from the Nano chunking.
Make the tasks even smaller - even smaller - even more ridiculous
Get my glasses.
Okay so here's an example now of the kind of stuff that will come up to just stop you from doing what you're doing
I'm on a point now where I want to find a clip that I want to put into the video and I know I've got that clip on an email - so I've gone into email and I've just seen a email from my accountant and I've just spent 20 minutes reading it and replying to it.
So I've been thrown off the nano chunking horse
What I should have done is to write down as a nano chunk: "Open the email" and do that afterwards - so I have the impulse, I do it.
So I've fallen off the horse.
It's okay, don't give yourself a hard time, but write down as soon as you can onto your list, and then cross it off.
So I'm now going to do what I'm supposed to do which is to look up a link from a video that I want to put into the script
I don't know why I write some things on the Nano chunk as capitals?
Works out some kind of anger or something!
Another good tip for the Nano chunking is to write down nano chunks that aren't very difficult, so instead of "write three pages of script" I put something a bit more easy which is to just "do writing for 25 minutes"
That's just - that's just "write" - so it doesn't matter what the outcome is.
It's just the process .
If you can make your nano chunks about the process rather than the outcome you'll find it even more easy to do
There I've done it!
I've actually written it's... 1 2 3 4 5 pages of scripts
I-- if my task had been "Write five pages of script" I just would not have done it.
Thanks to Nano chunking
[DEEP VOICE:] NANO-CHUNK!
Thanks to nano chunking - the task was - and I quote: "Open the t-shirts document in Google Docs"
That's all I had to do, just open the document, and then when you've done that... well you could just do the next nano chunk task... and when you break down the tasks down to the tiniest tiniest nano chunk, just do that chunk, and before you know it... a five page script.
So now I'll need to nano chunk the next... task... which is filming it
I even ended up shooting the video!
That's how powerful the Nano chunking is.
Respect the Nano chunking!
Not only did I end up making the video, two days later BBC News got in touch.
They wanted to use a clip for the six o'clock news bulletin that night
[NEWS REPORTER:] People can make them at home using anything from old t-shirts to bedding sheets.
Two of these guys are gonna get the chop, quite literally.
[NEWS REPORTER:] This dad from Hampshire tried making a t-shirt mask for himself on his YouTube channel.
My ears aren't coping very well with the elastic bands.
If I hadn't have made it, and made it right now, that would not have happened.
It's another reminder of "make your stuff now" because it turns out we need it!
I've put all of these videos into this playlist it's called "make your stuff now" at the moment.
There's a link up here, if you click on the "i" or or down in the description
If you've reached this point I hope this has helped
If it has, why not hit the thumbs up which will help other people to find this video. or hit the subscribe button which will help me get to 10,000 subscribers.
I'm on about one and a half at the moment so it feels like a really big mountain
Leave a comment below, be lovely to hear from you, just say hi - and I hope this video has helped you to make your own stuff
Can you please help my daddy get 10,000 subscribers. Just click in his face. Thanks bye! Alright, this is gonna be the proper one, right?
How to make a DIY face mask... follow along with me.
1:00 Why wear a face mask or covering.
1:50 It's to stop me touching my face: Here's the video of Dr. Dave Price of Weill Cornell Medical Center, New York City https://youtu.be/WxyH1rkuLaw
2:20 I can't stop touching my face.
2:46 I should get one of those cones that stop dogs scratching themselves.
2:55 Choosing my worst T-shirt to cut up... All my Marie Kondo folded T-shirts stored KonMari style!
4:27 My old Hawley Infants T-shirt before it's demolished: https://youtu.be/qD60N2qZyiw
5:22 My Stefon from SNL impression.
6:32 My Gordon Laing Cameralabs T-shirt, check out his brilliant YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/cameralabs
"All I Want Is A Perfect Camera" song stolen from Camera Conspiracies channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwxgo62w72LxZDA1fTibdYg
8:04 How to make a face mask from an old T-shirt, with no sewing, with US Surgeon-General Dr. Jerome Adams. https://youtu.be/tPx1yqvJgf4
But it's too bulky, you have to cut it in half and half again.
8:57 How to make a DIY face mask with smaller old T-shirt fabric and extra rubber bands x4.
12:00 Me wearing the homemade DIY T-shirt face mask in Lidl Supermarket, UK.
I'm not used to wearing the facemask in public...
13:18 My all-new 10,000 subscribers sigout voiceover!
TRANSCRIPT: (CLICK PLAY ON THE VIDEO ABOVE)
Bye-bye t-shirt... so sad
"Then you fold either side to the middle and you have yourself cloth face covering - it's that easy!"
Hello I'm Neil Mossey - welcome back to the happy hut!
Usually I'm a tightwad dad just trying to be happy with what we've already got - like these words on the screen say.
But right now we're in the great shutdown of 2020 and every day I'm trying to find something new, and today it's this!
THIS IS A TRANSCRIPT - CLICK ON THE VIDEO ABOVE!
So this is foot-- as you can see footage of me, in Lidl wearing a face mask.
It's my first time - my first trip to a supermarket with a face mask.
Obviously there was no one who could hold the camera for me so I just propped it up on a shelf - walked past.
You'd think I'd be more uncomfortable with that, than the wearing the face mask - but look at me.
I'm getting milk and I'm breathing on a much smaller radius, but my face mask is homemade and this is how you make a DIY face mask.
That's... that's the video and if you're looking this up on YouTube, firstly hello!
Welcome.
Say hi in the comments - it'd be lovely to hear from you, but if you are looking up "how to make a DIY face mask" on YouTube, you've probably been through exactly the same thought process as me.
If you just want to jump straight to making the face mask, I'll put the the time on the screen now.
This really pushes a button for some people.
If face masks aren't your thing I think it might be best if you hit stop now and I'll see you on the next video.
But for the rest of us, hello, I completely understand why this this really pushes a button for some people... and they leave the comments, you know...
"You're not a doctor"
"Ughhh"
"It's not effective... ughhhh... N95..."
I get it! But this video - this video is of a doctor in New York.
He just happens to be an intensive care respiratory expert as well, but he made this video call to his family where he's explaining that the reason that he wears a face mask is to stop him touching his face.
And I touch my face all the time!
Most of the day I spend with my head in my hands.
Look here's a photo that a friend took of me at work, and this is this is what I look like all the time - with my head in my hands.
So I know from wearing my son's smelly scarf that this is 100 percent effective in stopping me touching my face.
I don't need a face mask I need a head mask.
I need one of those cones that dogs wear - you know when they've been to the vets?
So I wanted to do this obviously as lazily as possible, and I found this video.
It's of the United States Surgeon-General, showing you how to make it.
All you need is a t-shirt and two rubber bands.
And here are all my t-shirts!
Yeah I know what you're thinking, but you know we did Marie Kondo.
We did it a few years ago so that's why it's so neat... but we did a few years ago which is why there is so many!
And this is a very sad day.
Two of these guys are going to get the chop.
Quite literally.
But which two?!
I have three t-shirts that are in constant rotation.
They're not in here right now because they're - I'm either wearing it, or it's on the floor, or they've just come out the wash.
This one survives. Doesn't even go into the drawer.
So does this one, and so does this one.
Usually I don't like writing on my t-shirts.
I don't like people reading my chest.
Messy Darth Vader - keep!
Happy computer emoticon thing - keep!
Tour de France thing? I've got mark on it? I'll keep!
This is my oldest t-shirt.
This is an antique "I need TP for my bunghole!"
I can't cut this up!
But the thought of having Beavis on my face is very appealing.
That might go into the maybe pile, even though it's my oldest t-shirt.
Los Pollos Hermanos... from Breaking Bad.
I haven't worn this for about six months, but I don't think I can cut it up - keep!
Martial arts t-shirt - keep!
More writing... usually I prefer pictures - keep that one. That's definitely got a mark on it.
Now this is a strange one. This is from... it's from my infant school, when they had a big reunion could-- because they're demolishing the school.
I'll put a link to the video up top and in the description, it's Hawley Infants
I think this might be going to the maybe pile - I haven't worn it for a year.
I've worn it on a couple of videos.
T-shirt with a collar, fancy. That's for my formal wear.
See the t-shirt is the uniform for my midlife crisis
or midriff crisis
Keep.
I can't tell you what it is I'm using to choose which t-shirts to cut up.
I think it's the the konmari method - the Marie Kondo method of holding it.
Feeling if it sparks joy. This sparks joy. Keep.
I love this one because my long-suffering wife hates it - because it's got so many holes!
It's more holes... than t-shirt. Rodent food.
I love it - keep!
Now I like this one because it makes me look like Stefon from Saturday Night Live.
Okay I won't do the impression... "Well..."
I'm good, I've just been up for three days.
Hey maybe I should have a shot of me wearing it...
[STEFON'S VOICE] "I'm good I've just been up for three days."
Another martial arts t-shirt - keep!
Another martial arts t-shirt - keep!
Another martial arts t-shirt - keep!
I'm not sure about this. I got this from, from Disneyland, so I like the memories from it.
I'm not the slimmest guy in the world, but I like my t-shirts tight.
This is a little generous. It's just, it's just really wide. This is definitely going into the maybe pile.
I've not worn it for two years - it used to have a really good design. A row of cartoon gnomes - sort of vintage look - and a line underneath: "Rolling with my Gnomies".
It has gone, so all that there is left is t-shirt.
It feels like cheating, but I think this is definite, definite maybe.
Cameralabs! Check out the cameralabs channel at the top. Gordon Laing, see i bought your merch! I couldn't cut this up, although it'd be extra advertising for your channel.
[SINGS] "All I want is a perfect camera..." oh no, it's the wrong channel.
We've got three of these - I used to go jogging in them. It's the Late Show, The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn. For me the best Late Late Show, sorry to all the other hosts.
And it had the best merch, so I bought a second one, and then I bought a third one.
Definite keep.
I might start jogging again one day.
Which leaves this - it does not spark joy anymore, it just leaves me cold. Quite literally.
I suppose I could make a mask with the graphic.
I can't wear it with the words because it'd just say "OLD."
"OLD WHAT?!"
I do like the faded blue - definite maybe.
You know the real problem about putting videos on YouTube is that sometimes you feel like you, you, you might be sharing too much, that I think I just shared.
So this is the final shortlist.
The deadly five.
Look I've got paint on it!
So that's, oh that's keep!
It's that way.
I've had-- I don't think I could wear that on my face.
That'll be keep, but not for any good reason.
I don't want a white mask, cause I know what state it's gonna look like.
There's no way I'm gonna keep this white, so it's in the keep.
So that leaves "Rolling with my Gnomies" and this.
I did it!
So these are the ones, let's hack them up!
Hey I don't know if you're in lockdown as well by the way, but I've not put my wallet in my pocket for about two months. It's brilliant!
So these are the two t-shirts that are going to get it.
The first method we're gonna try is from the US Surgeon General, Dr. Jerome Adams.
Here's how you can make your own face covering in a few easy steps, with items you can find around the house.
Oh my goodness - the state of me! Up against that.
Or you can make a face covering out of an old t-shirt.
Fold it to the middle from the bottom.
Fold it to the middle from the top.
Fold it again to the middle from the bottom.
Look at his folding.
Look at mine.
Now the great thing with this method is that it doesn't need any sewing.
All you need is 2 elastic bands, which I've got.
The great thing about being British is that obviously we have elastic bands on the pavements scattered around the country, but I've not picked these up from the pavement.
I've picked them up from my kitchen drawer.
It's brilliant - there's no sewing, but the problem I had is that if you do it just with the whole t-shirt it sort of looks like this, which is okay? It sort of works, but I wanted to go for something a bit smaller.
I feel bad enough for being in Lidl at all, let alone being in Lidl looking like this!
So what I'm going to do is cut it up, which they don't tell you to do on the video.
Bye bye t-shirt, thank you for your service.
So sad.
On the upside, I've now got a little crop top!
So I'm gonna follow the instructions, this way - so put it sideways.
Here's how you can make your own face covering in a few easy steps, with items you can find around the house - like an old scarf, a bandana, or a hand towel.
Or you can make a face covering out of an old t-shirt!
Fold it to the middle from the bottom.
Fold it to the middle from the top.
Fold it again to the middle from the bottom, and again from the top.
And then two rubber bands.
One on one side and one on the other side.
Then you fold either side to the middle and you have yourself cloth face covering.
It's that easy.
I like that! It still feels a bit pudding-gy. It just feels a bit large.
I don't know how to lose the bulk - the story of my life.
Think I need to find a way, so it's not quite as bulky.
Maybe I should cut the t-shirt in half again? Let's try that.
Then cut THAT half, in half again.
Fold it to the middle from the bottom.
Fold it to the middle from the top.
Fold it again to the middle from the bottom, and again from the top.
And then two rubber bands.
One on one side and one on the other side.
Then you fold either side to the middle and you have yourself cloth face covering.
It's that easy.
That's the one!
I can't tell if it's dangling down.
The only downside with it, is now that I've worn it for 30 seconds, my ears aren't coping very well with the elastic bands.
Maybe if I, if I double up the elastic bands, oh look at that.
That's, that's gonna annoy me.
Okay so went and got the two extra elastic bands, and I might make it a bit wider as well.
So it's not so far to go, for my ears.
That feels just right!
So those are the dimensions - it sort of looks like this: about 25cm by 25cm.
That for me is the perfect length, and if it's too small for you, then you've got plenty of t-shirt left to try again!
You know it's much better with the two rubber bands as well.
So all that's left to do now is to try it out in an actual supermarket!
Here I am, this is me in Lidl.
So this is like literally the only place on earth where I can get this thing right now.
It works out really well but I just I'm not used to wearing the face mask out in public.
It feels like you are making yourself "the other".
Especially if you're around people who aren't wearing face masks.
If you're not that's absolutely fine!
I just don't want to smell you, that's all!
And also I don't want to touch my face!
But you think if I was that worried about not getting it, that maybe I'd put off buying papadums and pitta bread, and some potting compost!
The other-- right so the other thing as well, it feels really rude wearing the mask, and I just want to like pull it down say "hello!"
Anyway I hope this this video has helped if you want to make a DIY face mask without doing any sewing whatsoever.
And if you want to express your awesomeness by hitting the thumbs up button I'd really appreciate that, or say hello in the comments below.
And if you made a face mask - have you copied this yourself?
If you have let me know how you get on.
Let me know how you get on with the face mask situation because I'm still not feeling entirely comfortable with it, and good luck on your face covered shopping.
Can you please help my daddy get 10,000 subscribers just click on his face, thanks bye!
Alright, this is gonna be the proper one, right?
This is without doubt, hands down, my favourite head shaver: the Remington Stylist Hair Trimmer. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
You can buy one here from Amazon US https://amzn.to/2RgYqdK
Amazon UK: https://amzn.to/2tjWsBq
I've been looking for this for a long time -- it was my first head shaver back in 2003 and really pleased to be reunited with the new version of it. It looks the same sturdy build but has a more robust UK power charger.
The unboxing starts around 4:00, and I also show some of my other failed Grade 1 head shaver purchases.
TRANSCRIPT:
But here's the unit - THIS is what you've been waiting for
I'll probably put this clip right at the start of the video to reassure you that you will actually get to see this - it's the Remington stylist hair clipper
aha ah this is it!
This is this is the one that I lost - the one that got broken after ten years of use
Hello, I'm Neil, welcome back to the happy hut today I'm unboxing this
I dunno if you can see it - it's the Remington stylist hair clipper
Bit of a minimalist model title there which I like
Now there is no way I should be making this video at all, because I have bought over the years probably a double-digit number of hair clippers or trimmers or hair, head shavers...
whatever you want to call them
I do not need another one in my life
I'm not exactly a perfectionist
I just want the perfect head shaver!
I just want the perfect hair trimmers - just something that will give me a really good Grade 1 - you see I'm stroking something that's not even there!
I just want something that is cordless.
I want something that will give me the exact grade one that I want
Sometimes like this one - I thought this was gonna be the perfect head shaver
it's a Wahl... or is it a Wahl Colour Pro trimmer
I made a whole video about this thinking that this was gonna be the one
It's a really beautiful unit - as you can see - there's a link if you click on the "i" at the top or in the description below
It... I mean it looks great but look at this comb!
This comb is so thick - and this is the smallest comb - and I know what you're saying
I know what you're saying "why don't you just go Grade Zero, you've got no hair there!"
Why do you even want a little hint of it?
I don't know why, I'm clinging to my 3mm of hair that's there - I just don't think it's that big and ask
The reason I went for this the Remington is because when I first shaved my head - shaved my hair off completely - I did it with a Remington
And that... I don't know what the model number was but I used it for about ten years and it was fantastic!
The comb was just right - you only need one comb in here - you don't need the--
yeah this comes with 8 combs they all do!
I thought I'd come close with this Remington because it had an adjustable comb
But that plastic thing is so thick that the blades just don't get anywhere close to where I needed it to get to
So I'm hoping this is the one
If this is the one I've already given this in the description of this video - I'll call it the best head shaver for Grade 1 - and so if you can see that in the description you already know that I love this and I will change that description the moment that this fails me
But let's, let's open the box and see what you get inside
Here is a collection of some of the things I've bought
That was the Babylis for men
I even shot an unboxing for that - and as you can see I was really giddy with excitement because it has two combs - two shavers either side
These combs just didn't get anywhere near to a Grade 1 that I wanted
I looked like a hairy hippie
So here is the Remington stylist hair clipper - I've been saving it - look, look how you probably can't see but I am really shaggy at the moment because I've been waiting to unbox this on camera to help some other Baldy out there who wants a grade 1 and who hasn't found the right hair clipper - so this could be the one
Sure I'll give you a quick look at the box - there's a charging indicator - it can go cordless
That's one of the things that I've been looking for
I don't need to go in the shower with it
it says advanced ceramic I've no idea what that means
there's a free detailer inside - I don't - I don't need that - I just need - I wanna be like you!
But with a grade one haircut
I want that - that's the grade - the one that's on his Jimmy Hill chin!
that's what I want on my head
easy to store
I need my glasses on - not only is my hair failing me, but my eyes are too
I'm a wreck! why are you even watching this video!
What kind of advice can I give to you?!
but if you could live vicariously through my purchases, good on you!
So it says it's easy to store
well yeah anything is easy to store when you just throw it under the bed... between charges
up to 40 minutes usage time
well that's good because I never let it grow that long but 40 minutes would be helpful
it says it comes with eight combs for different hair lengths
grade one to eight - that's the one I want the 3mm - that's all I want from you Remington
and self oiling blades
Oh my goodness that is a relief because I've accumulated so many bottles of oil for all my other failed purchases
maintenance-free performance for life - for life
you can't take these back!
If this isn't good for you - if this isn't right for you - and I think this might be why you're watching this video you can't pass these on!
nobody wants a used hair clipper!
it's bad for the environment
my hair has its own carbon footprint and I want it to end on this shaver
I do want it to end on this shaver
this could be the one
Let's open it like a man
Oh there's a tab here
there's a nice box that will go under the bed, never to be used again
To store all the bits that I'll never use again.
Now if like me you don't really want to destroy the environment this would probably make your heart sink
Oh my goodness, look at all the wrapping
Oh Greta Thunberg... and, worse... I have to turn the heating up to heat this up
this is, this can't be good - this can't be how we used to live pre-industrialization
here are all the combs
Oh man, these combs look good - these combs look good
I know I get excited about every single trimmer that I apply but this is the one
3mm - that's my grade 1, and this is exactly like the comb that I loved and lost
oh this could be it - this could be it - and it comes with a natty bag - oh no this is this is a cape
You could be a bald superhero
But here's the unit - this is what you've been waiting for
I'll probably put this clip right at the start of the video to reassure you that you will actually get to see this
it's the Remington stylist hair clipper
hahaha shall we rip into it?
Ooop, that's probably an important thing
hygiene seal - only remove if you intend to keep the product
"Remington I'm in!"
ah this is it - this is - ahhh, this is the one that I lost... that got broken after ten years of use
Model HC 366
what I'm gonna do, I'll put a link in the description probably near the top because I need the money - but every one of these that is sold - Amazon would give me some - a little bit of money - at no extra cost to you If you use the link below
Shall I switch it on?
there we go - my goodness this is the one
so I'll show you what else you get
now this always makes me giggle because obviously we - we need to to make those who are not of a grade 1 length feel good about themselves
we've got some hair clips some scissors - I wish I could use that - maybe for some hair elsewhere my nose or ears? that would be good
and a comb.
Do you remember using those? they were good weren't they
[GLASS SMASH]
And it comes obviously with a charger
Ready, so you just plug it in and it's lighting up to show you its charged
Now I haven't read the instructions - you're probably supposed to charge it before you use it - I'm not going to make you wait - I'm going to do this right now
So get my favorite comb - ah, where is it
See, so you get some weird taper combs for your ear holes
There that's the one
I like on... is it makeup tips they, they put the hand behind it to show you
that's the Grade 1 - the precious Grade one
none of these I'll ever use again - apart from terrorizing the boy to shave his head once every six months
There we go - just clips on like that
there's a taper lever which makes it go longer or shorter
and then you turn it on just by pushing the switch on the side here
Oh dare I - dare I do this?
Here, give you a shave - go on.
Put your head close to the screen, go on, I'll give you... look...
that's what it's like being your hair every day
completely unappreciated
but I'm gonna do it now - you ready?
Ah this is the one I think this is the one!
Take glasses off - oh boy this is the stuff - this is the one, this is the one that I'd lost
so happy - look how much just came off - don't know if you can see that
Can I tap? maybe tap?
there you go
it's a messy business isn't it, having no hair
I've got some really big stuff at the back
now what I love about this - and why I bought it - let's turn it off - why I bought it
there's a perfect combination here
the comb doesn't scratch your head - it allows the blades to get super close but still allow 3mm - the crucial 3mm that us Grade 1-er's love
this is the perfect combination
right that - the comb's too thick
that says that's a Grade 1 - it isn't - it isn't - you just end up looking like a, a hairball
this? I mean frankly it-- and I know having this look gives the impression of me being perhaps more rugged or tough or even thuggish
but that's no good - that comb - it - I mean it just hurts - it's just like rubbing your head up against a plastic grater - rubbish
this this is the one
the remington model HC366 - it's the remington stylist hair clipper - once you've charged it up you can unplug and go rogue with it
did you see there's a big difference - I don't think the battery liked that - listen to the difference
yeah that's the speed it should be at
What are your best shaver experiences?
What brands do you like?
help me - advise the community
are there brands that have helped you to stay a good grade 1
leave a comment below
I'd love to hear your experiences with these hair clippers
my son's going to get me now
I'm gonna-- shall I give him a shave?
I'll show ya
come in look what I got!
I'm gonna shave you!
NO!
So look I hope this video and I hope these links below help
I just want to help the community of grade 1 hair clipper owners
I don't anyone to be buying - look at this mess - I don't want anyone to be buying this junk
because they're not cheap either - well they are cheap but that's the problem
once you accumulate a number of them that doesn't work - it really starts to add up
So I hope this video has helped
if you've reached this point in the video why not let me know that somebody reached this far, with a thumbs up they'll be really appreciated
Oh subscribe - you never have to watch any of my videos ever again but I'm trying to hit 1000 subscribers
if you can hit the subscribe button - you don't have to - just mute me you don't have to watch any any more of this nonsense
but it will really help me get some money off youtube for every 1000people that watch my videos
Watch the completed edited TV interview show here: https://youtu.be/yjZEddc8g9g
Action Movie legend Jean Claude Van Damme meets British actor comedian Richard Blackwood in a British comedy interview TV show I produced in 2001.
Mr. Van Damme was very kind, funny, good-natured and very generous with his time.
He showed us round the factory making his Dammage7 brand jeans, in a time before everybody had merch.
At 3:35, see how I effortlessly bring the entire shot to a halt, when Mr. Jean-Claude Van Damme asks The King Of Jeans to make me a coffee to wake me up.
This is why I am a Series Producer. "Coffee for the man, he's sweating a bit!"
Found in my loft on VHS - it will never be shown again - This is raw Van Damme!
Transcript:
I was NOT safe with him!
I don't know what happened to Richard but now I know the real Richard!
That was cool gag.
Yeah, it's cool.
He helped me driving.
So let's go see how do we a stone wash the jeans.
Let's stonewash the jeans! I'll show you some stuff.
Here's the washing process - HEY GUYS!
How are you?
Ça va? How are you?
¿Cómo está, señor?
Bien amigos.
You're on TV England channel.
And those guys are making the jeans. Everybody.
Film the crew right here!
Film all of this, get all of that.
All my friends... and they're also here.
Cool.
They are the best.
What's up?
Film these guys they make the jeans.
S'up!
Wanna jean?
You wanna jean?
They look like they're finished. Is this all your line here?
No... they have the Lucky Brand, you've got Guess, you've got Gap...
Oh, okay...
Oh oh oh oh! AND of course... Dammage 7!
Ah, there you go!
Be careful of your lens! I came very close!
Yeah that was actually quite good.
OOhhh! [MARTIAL ARTS NOISES]
Your kicks are very good! Your kicks are very good!
The best! And that's where they put the jeans and they wash the jeans, I'll show you.
Okay, come through.
Oh, let's bring somebody - Arri, Ari, bring a guy and (whistle noise). Inflate the... M-F.
That's wind. That's hot because working here... and it produce also lots of dust and everything, so they don't get sick in their lungs. We have to be careful. All this stuff go away. And they wash the jeans with a... actually, can we have one?
Think I knew a girl with some legs like this once.
It's lunch break so it's great for them.
Okay, s'up!
They'll come soon.
S'up!
Film these guys having lunch right here. They're at lunch these guys.
¿Cómo está? They'll put you on the TV.
Alright! Okay.
Here's some people.
Gracias. [SPEAKS SPANISH]
How you doin?
How are you.
He's a people person, Jean-Claude Van Damme. I know he's that.
Hello, it's Richard.
Nice to meet you.
He's a very famous-- (star in England)
English presenter--
And now he's going to be a famous guy in America, and he's also a singer, he's an actor, and he has a TV show... and we're going to show him the process of how to make jeans for the Dammage7 jeans, but also this lady she's the king of jeans - she's working for all the big, big brand in Los Angeles, and I'm sure you're gonna beep me, but like Lucky brand, Guess, Gap, all those people.
There are a lot of beeps happening there but Dammage 7 is what we're interested in.
She's doing a great job for us.
They have a nice high-end line, and that's what's happening to denim.
All the big, high-end lines they wanna make it nice, they wanna make it good, make it something.
I hear that, I hear that.
So where is his brand, where's his Dammage7 stuff, where's that?
There's some samples in here but we keep it under lock and key until it's in the stores so nobody else sees it...
I understand.
So we're getting an exclusive right now.
You want to see- You want to see we have a new--
(OFF CAMERA) Demonstrate how they are made.
We made a brand new jeans, which she doesn't yet know about it. Er, for a big-- we cannot tell the name yet who we're gonna work with... (I understand)
on camera, because it's not yet...
Official
Official, exactly, better English.
Yeah. Of course.
Hey! Hey!
Don't forget the subtitles, Producer (I haven't thank you Mr. Jean-Claude Van Damme)
Come here Producer!
Every time I make a mistake in English, you have to put subtitles.
Subtitle!
And that means 24 hours a day for me.
Yeah.
All subtitles.
Because he's French. [Sorry, he's not, Richard.]
I mean I understand what he's saying, but just for the rest of the audience.
Okay?
Yeah.
Okay.
You always like that?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, good.
You like a coca cola, a Pepsi cola to wake up?
A coffee?
That'd be lovely, yeah.
You wanna coffee?
Can we have some coffee?
Coffee for the man, he's sweating a bit!
He's very tired, he's working on stuff.
Have you got any Pepsi, or anything like that for me?
I'll have a Pepsi.
[JEAN-CLAUDE TO ME:] You know what, I'm gonna put your head in the machine.
Let's put him on the stone wash machine!
Do you know what, you're actually taller than I thought you would be.
Excuse me?
You're taller than I thought you would be.
Oh yeah?
A lot of people said you're short, but you're quite tall. What are you 5'8"?
5' er... 5'9".
5'9" yeah you're very tall!
I love your shoes man.
Yeah well I got these for free. At Dada's. Dada. But I like yours, those are Prada, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. For small feet.
Yeah well, I'm a size 10, what are you size 8?
9. Jeez-- That's because they're white.
Put your foot forward a bit! That's not-- that's not-- Is that the back of your feet?!
You know what they say about people with big feet? You know what they say.
Big feet... big, hands.
Big hands, big wallet. Okay.
Hey, you gonna show?
Show them how they use the jeans.
This is El Patron, Jorge.
I'm Jorge.
Hello bro.
Cool.
Jorge's cool, man.
It's kind of cool because people they're gonna see like... what they call a "movie star" like a normal guy right?
Yeah, that's what they want!
You too, you're a normal guy. And we're here in the factory with very normal people and they can see how they make jeans... plus the movie... and all the--
It's another side to Jean-Claude. The other side.
Hey Jorge [SPEAKS SPANISH] Like we're sparring! [SHOTOKAN NOISES]
See he's good! He's got the moves!
I reckon I could take him. But I ain't gonna try, know what I mean.
So they put the pants-- Camera! Camera! Camera! Hold on...
Camera - here.
[OFF CAMERA:] We've got a tape change!
We'll just do a tape change real quick.
One minute, one minute.
Uno momento... Gracias.
[SPEAKS SPANISH] Loco.
You're learning some of the Spanish, I notice there.
Si.
[FACTORY NOISES]
Come. So they inflate the jean, see?
Okay.
The way you want it, with this pedal.
Yeah.
Okay, and I think a special (CHEERING)
Look at the way he's gonna wash that. Not wash, he's gonna, he's gonna do the--
Oh the fade thing.
The sand blast. Sand blast the jeans. By hand.
So, every one's done by hand?
Yes, all of them. But it goes so fast, they're so good.
You getting this, this is exclusive stuff!
It's a trained hand here, this guy is special.
They're non-stop, and they're very good - they're the best.
(OFF CAMERA:) And you!
This is my, by the way that's Arri, Arri Arrous, who's my jean designer.
Oh okay.
He's the head of my company. Dammage 7. He's been in the jean business for the last 22 years. He's sacrificed all his life for jeans. But now finally he's going to work for his own brand called Dammage 7. He's the best.
So... I feel like I can know you now, can I get some free samples?!
Yes. We're going to make a special jean for him.
That's what I'm saying.
We have a new jeans on the market - you're gonna see like very unusual... let's go see the red jeans, you want to bring it here.
Thanks bro!
Ari...
Good stuff, good stuff.
Look at this right here. Yeah, look at that.
Cool, no?
That's bad.
On the-- I'm going to put on these jeans.
[SPEAKS FRENCH] When you open, it's the thick button and the small one because the other car's the small one, it's vice versa.
[RICHARD: He's making him move the car, move the Bentley, he's gonna let him move the Bentley, because my Bentley you can't ever get near it.]
You want to ask me some questions?
Yeah well the thing is-- oh, right-- But I want to know about, so what made you go into fashion?
Huh?
What made you go into fashion?
What?
[LAUGHTER]
What made you take that route?
No because, I don't know I want to do a special, a special jeans, that came with a special--
[OFF CAMERA:] Can we just stop you for 2 seconds, I just need to put a radio mic (microphone) on...
Yeah they need to put a mic on you.
Do we have to? Let's just leave it like that.
[OFF CAMERA:] It's very difficult - it's picking up a load of noise.
[STREET NOISES]
Excuse me, could you back up this is Jean-Claude's car I don't want you... scratching it.
Just get back there please. Thank you.
Park behind them! Right there, behind the Mercedes.
Yeah. This is Jean-Claude's Bentley. You know. He's wants to talk to you actually. Because, what he wants to do - come here.
You alright?
Yeah I'm fine, I'm more than fine! I was in his car.
We're in gang territory by the way, I just want to let you know that. We're in some serious-- Who the hell! Alright!
No what I'm saying is... Gang territory, know what I mean.
JEAN! This is the Producer guy, about next week?
Hello Jean-Claude.
Nice to meet you!
Thanks, really good to meet you. Thank you for er--
I was saying about what you were saying about next week.
Yeah, next week?
Yeah, when you come back, Monday, he said? You take off at the weekend?
Yeah that's right.
Monday, we'll fit in on Tuesday - okay we'll just see yeah?
We'll work together, yeah?
Fantastic yeah, are we safe here?
Excuse me?
Are we safe in this area?
Yeah you're safe. Those people are great. They're the real people, those people they go see my movies, and they go see your TV show, your TV.
Those are the real people.
Yeah.
We are like half-real, half-fake.
[LAUGHTER]
Was Richard okay in the car?
Yeah... he put his hand on my leg, and--
Now you see I don't know why he's trying to take it there.
I was NOT safe with HIM!
I don't know what happened to Richard but now I know the real Richard!
[LAUGHTER]
That was cool gag.
Yeah, it's cool.
He helped me driving.
So let's go see how do we a stone wash the jeans.
Let's stonewash the jeans! I'll show you some stuff.
Here's the washing process - HEY GUYS!
How are you?
Ça va? How are you?
¿Cómo está, señor?
[CAR DRIVING NOISE]
[FREEWAY NOISE]
I'll open the big gate there, you have a parking - follow me do U-turn there. Okay buddy hold on.
[CAR DRIVING NOISE]
Excuse me, could you back up this is Jean-Claude's car I don't want you... scratching it.
Just get back there please. Thank you.
Park behind them! Right there, behind the Mercedes.
I know let's get this train.
[TRAIN WHOOSH]
Oh.
[MUSIC]
So this train limping away -- it's Monday the 17th of February -- got to the station, and things are running on time... even though there's a storm
And then I thought 'oh, I'll take a picture of myself with this nice old train from 1989, and er... oh look it's going very slowly and...' its front cab window was smashed.
This seems to happen quite a bit on these old trains.
I believe they're called Class 442's.
[TANNOY] This service is unsafe for us to continue.
This service will be terminating here. Would you all change please, all change.
I do regret to inform you again that this service is being terminated here. This is due to unsafe conditions to carry on.
Because the window was smashed by a tree, they've taken it out of service.
Some of us punishers... punishers?
Some of us passengers wonder how clever it is to introduce trains from 1989 through our line in 2020.
So anyway good job I took a picture because I've had my my compensation refused a couple of times.
So I'm gonna have to tweet this, which I don't like doing.
But erm... it's the only way I can keep track of the trains being taken out of service all the time.
So anyway this is delay we're facing at the moment - I'll screengrab it.
I guess we see what time we get to London and on what train!
That's the broken train!
The window looks better on this side - hey maybe we'll get a shot of it as it goes past!
[Music]
So I got here at 7 o'clock it's now just gone 8 o'clock and the next train looks as if it's coming into the station now
[Music]
Fingers crossed for this one.
Will it be 12 carriages or will it be 8?
It's South Western Railway bingo...
Yes!
It's 12 carriages. Oh that's a result - this is a good start to a Monday... an hour after it started
[Music]
Ah, I'm freezing - I can't feel my hands.
[Music]
[TANNOY:] Once again this service WILL now be calling at Guildford, Worplesdon and Woking only.
Okay, we've just been told that this train's being terminated at Woking.
So we'll see how long this takes.
[Music]
So this train - the first one through the blockage has been terminated early here at Woking.
They've told us to go to Platform 1.
I've got to record this, because the Delay Repay people - they'll refuse the refund, when they see that there was a next train - even though we've got to get all the way from Platform 5 over to Platform 1 in I think under a minute, so let's see how this goes...
I'm gonna keep the camera running just to show you how quick it takes to be terminated and detrained and find another train
[TANNOY: Please note the train will only be 6 carriages, so if you're not able to board the next train on platform 2, please remain on the platform. The next available train will be the 0924...]
Okay so the next train in is six carriages long, we're 12 carriages, so Delay Repay - the people at Delay Repay will block that payment because even though we couldn't get on the train.
[TANNOY]
"Please stand behind the yellow line please!"
[INCOMPREHENSIBLE TANNOY]
It's exciting twelve carriages down to six carriage train, let's see how this works out!
Yeah that would be full when it arrives yeah.
[TRAIN NOISES]
[PLATFORM STAFF SHOUTING]
Okay, it's gonna be a bit tricky getting on the next train.
[TANNOY]
There's 12 carriages of us trying to get on.
[TANNOY NOISES]
I know, let's get this train!
[TRAIN NOISE]
Oh.
[Music]
Ooh, this looks good.
[Music]
So it's 0957 which means I'm 1 hour 20 minutes late.
They'll blame it on the storm - but from here it looks like more to do with running a 32 year old train with curved windows not coping very well with a tree and terminating the next train through - the first train through that blockage - South Western Railway chose to terminate that that at Woking.
So let's see how the wonderful people at delay repay will reply with this one.
I'm sure there'll be an apology I'm sure there will be a good amount of compensation on my £118 ticket! Let's see what they come up with!
So I've put the claim in - hello by the way I'm Neil - thanks so much for seeing this through to the end...
Will I get some compensation from South Western Railway?
What do you think?
Leave me a comment below tell me what you think - tell me what your experiences are and down there I've also got a link for-- I'm just giving myself big shadows!
In the link below I've put the link - that's what it's called - to the southwest and delay repay site you can try this out for yourself.
But anyway I put the claim in - I think I've got that up on screen now and South Western Railway? Wailway?
South Western Railway sent me a refund on my £118 pound ticket - I got a grand refund of £5.91 pence.
Yes.
EXCEPT... then I saw in the corner of the email - wait a minute!
South Western Railway REDUCED my delay from 1 hour 16 minutes down to under 59 minutes.
South Western Railway just changed my delay!
I filled in all the forms, I presented all the proof, and the company just went...
"Nah. It's between 30 and 59 minutes."
Completely made up a time to avoid paying the extra compensation you get on 60 minutes and over.
So I click on the appeal button and I go through the appeal process where you have to fill in the form that you filled in the first place - from scratch - and I've recorded it for your viewing pleasure - you can watch along with me how good I am at doing this.
I wanted to make sure that I had all my facts straight which meant that I was too slow because I kept looking back at my photos and my tweets and my screengrabs and my videos I'm sharing with you here right now
But because I was doing that, this the appeal system just kept logging me out and every time you're logged out - you've got to log back in again and start again from scratch.
I don't know why we've got a login!
You've got to start from the beginning of your appeal - appeal - every single time you're logged out.
Uploading the tickets, and filling in the boxes, and then it hit me.
I've spent all this time on the delay, and the claim for the delay repay, and now the appeal for the delay repay.
I don't think South Western Railway wants to give me this few extra quid.
They're going to fight this against me to the death.
And my breath is taken away in admiration.
But maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe South Western Railway will delight me with their response...
"Unsuccessful".
So your compensation won't be increased.
If you still believe we make the wrong decision after spending what feels like hours of your life on us, please get in touch!
Dear customerrelations@SWRailway.com
How are you?
Me?
I thought my 32 year old train with its 1980s stylish curved windows, smashed by a tree, was meant to arrive in Waterloo at 0841.
I thought you terminated our first train through the blockage, early, at Woking, with our full 12 carriages trying to get across three platforms to an already full 6 carriages.
I thought the next train I could physically get on was the 0919 from Yeovil... that was delayed.
And I thought that this train actually arrived at London Waterloo at 0957.
So I thought my delay was 1 hour and 16 minutes.
But actually I was wrong.
And South Western Railway Delay Repay is teaching me a valuable lesson.
South Western Railway is teaching me how to gain humility.
How to nurture patience.
And most of all... how to bend the laws of physics, space, time and dimension.
And I want to learn.
I want to learn good.
You are the champions.
You are WINNERS.
And you have completely beaten me.
I'm broken!
And a little bit... rinsed.
Or as your email nails it, "Unsuccessful".
Thanks again, it's been a blast.
Neil, kiss.
PS hope the driver is okay.
[Music]
If you have watched to the end thanks so much for being there, I really appreciate it and if I can help at all, leave a comment.
It'd be lovely to hear from you
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Can you please help my daddy get 1000 subscribers just click on his face.
Thanks! Bye! How's that?
