Uploading/blogging all compilation eps from The RDA with John Gordillo, over xmas just so they're out there.
Need to get a better quality transfer, but you get the jist...
The RDA with John Gordillo - S1E15Pt1 - Comp Show
Includes ALEX COX 'Moviedrome'-style intro,
Dawson's Creek titles,
'Who's At The TV Centre Entrance',
(with live commentary by show researcher VJ Anderson)
Live focus group (Scottish Pensioners)
Anniversary of Thomas Edison's first recording of the human voice
Huw Edwards leaving the building,
John's Classical Break,
The live focus group-focus group
The RDA with John Gordillo - S1E15Pt2 - Compilation Show
THE RECOMMENDED DAILY ALLOWANCE WITH JOHN GORDILLO - Season 1 Ep 15 - End of week 3 compilation.
Includes: "What time does host of the Six O' Clock News, Huw Edwards, leave the building?" sweepstake
Guests, The League Against Tedium (Simon Munnery), Jim Davidson (returning to the show after wandering into his studio on an earlier show), the entirely deaf studio audience, teen pop sensation Daphne & Celeste ("Ooh Stick You")sing "School's Out" to Huw Edwards as he leaves Television Centre, and a visit to the BBC shop with music legend Suzanne Vega.
The RDA with John Gordillo - S1E15Pt3 - Compilation Show
Includes the final "What Time Does Huw Edwards Leave The Building"
HUW EDWARDS Interview
GARETH DAVIES & PETER JONES "I doubt"
The live focus group-focus group
Full Series - all the episodes of The RDA here
NEXT: The Great Disruption --->
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Friday 28 December 2012
Thursday 27 December 2012
Second week from The Recommended Daily Allowance
Uploading/blogging all compilation eps from The RDA with John Gordillo, just so they're out there.
Could only find the first part of this one: the second week from series 1...
The RDA with John Gordillo S1E10Pt1 - Goodfellas opening
Full Series - all the episodes of The RDA here
NEXT: The RDA - best of week 3... --->
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Could only find the first part of this one: the second week from series 1...
The RDA with John Gordillo S1E10Pt1 - Goodfellas opening
Full Series - all the episodes of The RDA here
NEXT: The RDA - best of week 3... --->
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Wednesday 26 December 2012
Xmas RDA - first week comp show from The Recommended Daily Allowance with John Gordillo
So for the quiet days through the Christmas shutdown, going to upload and link to The Recommended Daily Allowance, just so they're out there.
Sporadically get comments and messages asking if there's any more eps, so here's the lot - every compilation show I can manage - over the next few days...
(S1E20 looks a bit corrupted... so that might not come out, yet or ever)
The RDA with John Gordillo S1E05Pt1 - Recommended Daily Allowance
The RDA with John Gordillo S1E05Pt2
Standup comedian Paul Foot "I have a sore throat"
Sally Gray "I have no idea who you are" - man humping the ground on BBC Record Breakers, most press ups in one minute,
Britt Eckland, and the Jim Davidson Generation Game audience
Discussion of word battyman, what is boring
Lets go to their studio. "If you were Jay Leno, you could do that"
Television Centre corridors, wave with Jim Davidson
Playground Insult Update with teachers live from Cardiff, Liverpool and Bristol
- You fat bap, you donut / doughnut, muppet, nugget, Sly, shady, slack, off key, being extra, facety, extra, mild, your bret stinks, you need a haircut, your mum followed by anything. Your mums a ho.
Jingles night from radio stations. Radio Shropshire full jingle theme with images from todays world news. (Oswestry to Ellesmere)
Credits.
Full Series - all the episodes of The RDA here
NEXT: Second week from The Recommended Daily Allowance --->
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Sunday 16 December 2012
Frank Butcher explains a steadicam
Added this to "The best steadicam shot in the world ever" post:
Mike Reid hosting the Southern Television kids show Runaround, explaining how a steadicam works...
Link to the video here - love how to illustrate it they use a clip from... The Omen
Here's the full Best Steadicam Shot In The World Ever post:
Fave TV #2 The Best Steadicam Shot In The World Ever
27 seconds of GOLD. From Eurovision 2009.
...and this is how Karsten Jacobsen did it:
Crash a handlebar-less segway into the stage while holding your steadicam...
but just remember to keep on running...
UPDATE -- 27 Dec 2011
This is what happens when it goes wrong... (via @fieldproducer)
UPDATE -- 27 Aug 2012
DIY Steadicam - Flying Camera Support
Full top 100 fave TV clips list here
#3 This is how I answer the phone - Fave TV: Some Mothers Do Ave Em -->
<-- #1 Fave TV: Control Rooms and production galleries
NEXT: RASTAMOUSE SUBTITLE OF THE WEEK - dozed off --->
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Mike Reid hosting the Southern Television kids show Runaround, explaining how a steadicam works...
Link to the video here - love how to illustrate it they use a clip from... The Omen
Here's the full Best Steadicam Shot In The World Ever post:
Fave TV #2 The Best Steadicam Shot In The World Ever
27 seconds of GOLD. From Eurovision 2009.
...and this is how Karsten Jacobsen did it:
Crash a handlebar-less segway into the stage while holding your steadicam...
but just remember to keep on running...
UPDATE -- 27 Dec 2011
This is what happens when it goes wrong... (via @fieldproducer)
UPDATE -- 27 Aug 2012
DIY Steadicam - Flying Camera Support
Garret Brown's original Steadicam® is an icon that revolutionized filmmaking. Being the first and the best, it naturally and justifiably commands a premium price. It is for this reason that homemade DIY Flying Camera Supports have been around since at least 1977, just one short year after Mr. Brown's invention.
Full top 100 fave TV clips list here
#3 This is how I answer the phone - Fave TV: Some Mothers Do Ave Em -->
<-- #1 Fave TV: Control Rooms and production galleries
NEXT: RASTAMOUSE SUBTITLE OF THE WEEK - dozed off --->
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Wednesday 5 December 2012
Top 10 Upsides Of Recovering From A Boris Bike Crash - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS
Originally posted this last year. So for the 1 year anniversary...
DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS
- Top 10 Upsides Of Recovering From A Boris Bike Crash -
10
Face looks like a themed Google logo. Changes by the day.
9
Being known to a handful of healthcare professionals affectionately as ‘that bloke who had the Boris Bike crash’.
8
Talking like Louis Spence.
7
Chunks falling off face like an maxillofacial advent calendar. Festive.
6
Patronising kids in the supermarket who stare to ‘always wear a bike helmet’, like some kind of deranged 1950s superhero.
5
Looking like a vagrant whose stuff never gets touched. Also festive.
4
Hours spent concussed equals hours not spent hearing about Eurozone crisis.
3
Drinking through a straw makes 2 year old son feel superior.
2
Finally being able to look my hero Erik Estrada in the eye.
We both know what this is like.
1
Looking like a Hitler cat.
Or the bloke from Sparks.
Or Blakey from On The Buses.
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DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS
- Top 10 Upsides Of Recovering From A Boris Bike Crash -
10
Face looks like a themed Google logo. Changes by the day.
9
Being known to a handful of healthcare professionals affectionately as ‘that bloke who had the Boris Bike crash’.
8
Talking like Louis Spence.
7
Chunks falling off face like an maxillofacial advent calendar. Festive.
6
Patronising kids in the supermarket who stare to ‘always wear a bike helmet’, like some kind of deranged 1950s superhero.
5
Looking like a vagrant whose stuff never gets touched. Also festive.
4
Hours spent concussed equals hours not spent hearing about Eurozone crisis.
3
Drinking through a straw makes 2 year old son feel superior.
2
Finally being able to look my hero Erik Estrada in the eye.
We both know what this is like.
1
Looking like a Hitler cat.
Or the bloke from Sparks.
Or Blakey from On The Buses.
Click here for all my Dad Lessons For My Kids
Or, better, why not follow me for free by email, by clicking here. It's completely safe, from my own email address, you can unsubscribe at any time, and it helps encourage me to keep on posting. Thanks!
NEXT: The influence of Carry On - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS --->
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Thursday 29 November 2012
The Classified Ad Break - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS
These are my Dad Lessons For My Kids - to browse at their leisure.
And then ignore.
- The Classified Ad Break -
Life in 2012:
We have a thing called Local Papers, which have a section called The Classified Ads.
Here's a Classified Ad Break...
(...from a show I made with John Gordillo called The Recommended Daily Allowance - full series here.).
Here are some of the ads, with more added.
PORTALOO plus melamine crockery, very cheap.
Furniture for sale. £95 Per item.
IN BOX. good condition. £10.
Grave for sale. Offers.
Drop side cot with mattress. Easy erection and storage for grandparents visitors.
I'M SELLING a Sanyo TV. Or 3.
Language course.
Writing Desk.
For
w r i t i n g.
(VIA @Caroline_Gold THANKS!)
Large stocks of Sellotape. it has hundreds of uses.
Lady required to groom and look after horses. In return for riding.
Very comfy sofa for £30. No... wait, £40, YES £40.
PAPER CLIPS. (got anything like this in your local rag?)
Ahhhh. Never been worn wedding dress.
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And then ignore.
- The Classified Ad Break -
Life in 2012:
We have a thing called Local Papers, which have a section called The Classified Ads.
Here's a Classified Ad Break...
(...from a show I made with John Gordillo called The Recommended Daily Allowance - full series here.).
Here are some of the ads, with more added.
PORTALOO plus melamine crockery, very cheap.
Furniture for sale. £95 Per item.
IN BOX. good condition. £10.
Grave for sale. Offers.
Drop side cot with mattress. Easy erection and storage for grandparents visitors.
I'M SELLING a Sanyo TV. Or 3.
Language course.
Writing Desk.
For
w r i t i n g.
(VIA @Caroline_Gold THANKS!)
Large stocks of Sellotape. it has hundreds of uses.
Lady required to groom and look after horses. In return for riding.
Very comfy sofa for £30. No... wait, £40, YES £40.
PAPER CLIPS. (got anything like this in your local rag?)
Ahhhh. Never been worn wedding dress.
Click here for all my Dad Lessons For My Kids
Or... get these direct by email - details on how to subscribe are here
NEXT: FRIDAY NIGHT TODDLER ART GALLERY - Sunset Media Horizon --->
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Saturday 6 October 2012
Welsh Sofas and the Happy Palestinian on The RDA with John Gordillo S1E02PT2
The second part of the second episode of The Recommended Daily Allowance on BBC Choice, 4th July 2000
Welsh Sofas and the Happy Palestinian on The RDA with John Gordillo S1E02PT2
0:00 Look at that - it's a happy Palestinian. "I can name all of The Corrs!"
1:00 Cabinet Ministers cut to the music of Vangellis. The Many Faces Of David Blunkett MP
1:40 Tease of today's guest: author, undertaker Howard Hodgson.
3:00 Welsh Sofas: Why all sofas are made in South Wales. (Directed by Rob Farquhar)
The Welsh Sofa concept was based on a gag written by Dan Tetsell and Danny Robins.
John smashed his hand in the camera van door, and... still in shock with two broken fingers, his face went sheet white for the rest of filming, breaking continuity.
Click here for the full episode and series
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NEXT: On Jeremy Hunt on abortion - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS --->
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Saturday 22 September 2012
Sally Gray on The RDA with John Gordillo S1E01PT4
The RDA with John Gordillo S1E01PT4
Final part of the first ep of The Recommended Daily Allowance on BBC Choice, 3rd July 2000
Click here for the full episode and series
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NEXT: DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - A look at the morning newspapers --->
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Saturday 15 September 2012
London Mayoral Inauguration 2000 on The RDA with John Gordillo S1E01PT3
The RDA with John Gordillo S1E01PT3
Part three of the first ep of The Recommended Daily Allowance on BBC Choice, 3rd July 2000
Click here for the full episode and series
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NEXT: LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - The stairs --->
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Saturday 8 September 2012
The RDA with John Gordillo S1E01PT2
The RDA with John Gordillo S1E01PT2
Part two of the first ep of The Recommended Daily Allowance
Live 2-way with BBC Political Correspondent Jo Coburn at the GLA London Mayoral Inauguration Party
How the show is billed in the Radio Times
Production Runner gets degree result live on the show
Click here for full show and series
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NEXT: Words I have had to add manually to my android phone dictionary - LESSONS FOR MY KIDS--->
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Monday 3 September 2012
Setting the clock on a Lamona oven - UNDERSTANDING YOUR BRITISH DAD #BRITISHDAD
- Setting the clock on a Lamona oven -
Here’s how to change the clock on a Lamona oven.
Hold down the first two buttons on the left,
then keep holding those 2 buttons down while you use the + or - buttons to set the time.
Here's my badly shot video!
It's not funny and by the time you see this, it’s probably not much use to you either.
But at least I know where I can find the answer now.
I get at least 10 hits per day from people searching for this.
You must all have Howdens Kitchens.
Also - don't think the Lamona oven works until the clock has been set...
Leave me a comment if it helped!
Click here or on comments below - THANKS
-- this is an old post now, so I have to approve each comment, which sometimes takes a while--- sorry about that - it looks like your comment didn't get through.
I do get all your comments though, and I do approve them, just didn't want you to think they're being ignored.
By the way, I blog here most days, all about - being a British Dad. (there's no manual for that, either).
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Saturday 1 September 2012
The RDA with John Gordillo - Full Series of The Recommended Daily Allowance
The first ever edition of The RDA with John Gordillo
The Recommended Daily Allowance with John Gordillo - Monday 3 July 2000 - BBC Choice
Series Producers Karen Rosie, John Gordillo and Neil Mossey.
John Gordillo's home site is here
S1E01PT1
Political correspondent Jo Coburn was awesome.
Almost live from TC2 - and it was just an idea, but this is pretty much how we wanted it to come out...
Twelve years on, and we completely understand the notes we got internally at the time:
'Why is he standing up at the start, holding his script?
Can't you get him some prompt cards with the show logo printed on?
Why is he standing up though? Why not at the desk?'
Because that is how tv was done in the early 2000s... and now...
Yes, as our biggest audience was the BBC TVC Stage VI News Centre overnight shift staff who in time went on to be promoted and work on better rotas so The RDA with John Gordillo also went on to directly influence the presentation style of BBC News main network bulletins. There.
S1E01PT2 - The RDA with John Gordillo
S1E01PT3 - London Mayoral Inauguration on The RDA with John Gordillo
S1E01PT4 - Sally Gray on The RDA with John Gordillo
(Full RDA page is here)
SERIES TWO
ACHIEVEMENTS
• Got a Eurovision Jury Spokesperson to send a secret signal to our viewers which 300 million viewers saw around the world
• Slovenian Ambassador
• Show LIVE AT ROYAL ALBERT HALL - Huge OB
• Britain’s Gayest Man
• First Show to run a Crane camera into the set
SHOW 1 Monday 2nd April - (reversioned)
0.00
BREAK UP THE TOWN OPENING
2.41
OPENING MONOLOGUE
- dancers big opportunity - rubble from TVC - They’ve made us “Le Vision” Centre -
4.28 TITLES - No Blacks, No Dogs, No Irish
5.15
ELECTION NO ANNOUNCEMENT
Still dont know when - last time he mixed up dates, Cherie got pregnant - Local elections date you shouldn’t bother voting -
6.00
NATIONAL DEPRESSION WEEK
Depression Alliance - have a TESSA with them -
7.40
DESK CORRESPONDENT - RITA GORDILLO
depression facts - but john when are you going to find nice jewish girl? - which bbc are you on?
John tries shutting her up...
10.16
RDA PUBLICITY
Radio Times & The Lady Magazine
11.17
THE FAXOMETER
Jon Morrice & Neil
14.52
INTRO TO SCARBOROUGH
15.40
SCARBOROUGH VT
Get woman onto bus (16.45 - 17.30)
Stuart Murphy, Christopher Price, Ana Boulter as himself
22.00
BARBARA SPEAKE
- did kids enjoy themselves? Havent asked them yet - struggles with computer - how did you set up the school - Im wondering if you’re going to be sensible or otherwise - I apologise, - I accept your apology - Phil Collins is a former pupil - Cant spot talent - would you spot me? Doubt it - when you took glasses off were you surprised they were children? - picks out woman from audience - Thanks Barbara -
27.36
NICHOLSON BROTHERS ROUTINE
ends 28.25
SHOW 2 - Tuesday 3rd April - (Reversioned)
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
- New Barrymore quiz over drowning – surely too soon?! - Maxim Woman of Year - Vanessa
CLIP - open with Arnold Schwarzennegger
2.58 TITLES - EPISODE 2 Pig In The City
3.40
SPY PLANE
Enough technology to build Playstation 2 - Destroys data - Windows 98
4.12
MAXIM WOMAN OF THE YEAR
4.30 VANESSA CLIP
4.50
SOLIDEX 2001
Spoke to someone from Solids Handling Magazine - Paul Flood - can we get tape of solids handling?
6.00
DESK CORRESPONDENT - ANGELLICA BELL
Reasons for collapse of wold economy - 7.30 birthday cards
8.30
FAXOMETER
14.38
CLOSING VOICEOVER
15.00 SOLIDS PICTURES CUT TO ARNOLD
16.10
TOMORROWS SHOW
16.25
WEATHERCAM - LEEDS - Dominic
I’d rather be here - leeds utd players beating up people? - ambulance going there - stand in front of camera and give us a wave - do workout! - do you have a question for vanessa?
INTRO - MY BRUSH WITH…
22.40
VANESSA FELTZ
- First on - big fan - your contract dropped - what happened to you at beeb? - expensive divorce - jon m question - angellica qu - dominic’s question - Celebrity Big Brother - Im only person to tell it to f*** off - noone across the world has told it to f*** off - didn’t realise I had a problem with authority -
im pissed off ive been done wrong, men are pigs - bb told me to do stuff, only realised this is shit - I thought im not giving back my chalk then I thought F*** OFF
ENDS - 28.15
SHOW 3 - Wednesday 4th April - (Reversioned)
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
Cut out good stuff from show - we usually use audience cutaways - heres our cutaway shot
Shaun, Belinda Conan - never been on tv before -
2.41 TITLES - Not that it matters, but most of what follows is true.
3.22
52ND BIRTHDAY OF NATO
Here’s their latest video -
4.20
VITIMIN C BIRTHDA Y
- LEADS INTO THOUGHTS OF THE CUTAWAY SHOT
5.05
ARAB SUMMIT - WHAT WOULD PAUL COIA DO?
6.12
FAXOMETER
- New angle - why cant we we get a microphone there -
9.13
DESK CORRESPONDENT - COSMOS TRANSMUTAZOID
- Im making this sound wth my voice - I will destroy you - sits uncomfortably - its my catchthreat - I sensed a surge of evil energy - lords vote - honda civic - foxes coming to town - tough crowd - is this thing on? - station - we lost them and got them back - I will destroy you!
13.24 CLOSING VOICEOVER
DIFFICULT MULTIPLE CHOICE PHONE IN
14.13
** CLASSIFIED AD BREAK **
16.00
TOMORROWS SHOW - COSMOS WALKS BEHIND
17.00 - Pineapples from bbc choice
17.55
ADAM BLOOM
- gay week on choice- turnover, physically - you sell out - im a live performer - aim low, I aim to have 2 failed marriages and a drink problem - don’t think comedy should be about things which are already funny - putting mirror up to painting - worked out why we’re obsessed with willies: only got one of them - you’re in love - you want to be in relationship - who are you daniella - I can do rubik cube one minute - cutaway audience - its done - going to new zealand - whats it like getting laughs out of live audience??? -
ends - 28.51
SHOW 4 - Thursday 5th April
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
We’re running late because of the who shot phil - thought he shouldve been vaccinated
- thanks to everyone who helps - my understudy Matt - Understudy Crew - Understudy audience - and Andrew Cody, my stunt cock 1.58 - 2.22 - coming up...
3.08
TITLES - Episode IV - A NEW HOPE
3.49
25TH ANNIVERSARY OF ELECTION OF JAMES CALLAGHAN
Invited dancers on to offer interpretative dance - please welcome THRUST - chose to concentrate on parliamentary achievements - corporation tax & capital gains tax -
6.32 DANCE
I appear to have given off some musk
8.22
FAXOMETER
John Morrice is in the gantry - drops fax - stunt cock runs in
9.50
CLOSING VOICEOVER
10.15
RODNEY BICKERSTAFFE
12.46
NEXT WEEKS SHOWS
13.20
BRITAIN’S GAYEST MAN
This show is nothing if not bi-curious - put ad in papers - Jim, Darren, Ian - 17.44 QUIZ
20.08 vote -
21.05
WALTER KRESS
Was a friend of Peter Sellers - Cars are my life - First we sent you to
22.51 CHOICE FM BLACK MUSIC AWARDS - Chris Eubank, Richard Blackwood, Damage
- 25.02
then we sent you to Maxim Woman of the Year Awards
25.23 MAXIM WOMEN OF THE YEAR AWARDS - Lady Victoria Hervey, Jonathan Ross, Simon Fielder, Damage, Leslie Phillips, Katy Hill, Joanna Taylor, Tamsin Outhwaite - 28.10
DARREN WINS PLACE IN ESTHER RANTZEN’S DRESSING ROOM
ENDS - 29.12
SHOW 5 - Friday 6th April
0.00
UNDERSTUDIES
1.25
TITLES (ARNIE’S WORKOUT) - no title
1.53
CALLAGHAN DANCERS
5.48
DESK CORRESPONDENT - JOHN’S MUM
8.14
LEEDS WEATHERCAM
12.06
COSMOS TRANSMUTAZOID
16.21
WALTER KRESS
17.10 CHOICE FM BLACK MUSIC AWARDS VT
19.11 MAXIM WOMEN OF THE YEAR AWARDS VT
21.52
BRITAIN’S GAYEST MAN
25.29
DESK CORRESPONDENT - RORY SHEEHAN
I’ve had a f***ing nightmare - its like juggling soot - everything from when I come in the morning to going home at night - things change - no positive things - thats the worst thing (working with John) - the writers need a kick up the arse - how can we improve the show - have a running order then stick to it- but thats your job - I include myself in this -
28.17 CLOSING TITLES
ENDS 28.50
SHOW 6 - Monday 9th April
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
Vouchers for asylum seekers - Noise from Jools next door - CLIP - I’ll introduce the people on the show - schoolgirls! Jamie on cam 1! The set! Autocue! Audience! The floor!
2.40
TITLES - Guitar tuition. All Styles. Tel: 020 8346 6074
3.17
GRAND NATIONAL
Had 40 jokes, only 4 made it through - Arab stable- news of the world reporters - blaming adverse weather, really THIS - YELLOW PAGES CLIP
4.25
WINCEY WILLIS IN LATER STUDIO
- Why dont we see any jungle on this show - what have you been up to?
7.00 - I did I Love-type show
7.25
RETURN OF KFOR COMMANDER
- Changes in local law, birds, charts, and Pronti
See that the general gets that
10.00
DESK CORRESPONDENT - KELLY GODFREY & AMY HARPER
Posh Spice has had barney - Who Shot Phil, everyone’s talking about it! - Hearsay -
14.12
FAXOMETER
15.49 CLOSING VOICEOVER
16.12
I LOVE LAST TUESDAY
- Kate Thornton, Tony Blackburn
18.15
JOANNA HANLEY’S GUEST APPEAL & TOMORROWS SHOW
19.58
WEATHERCAM - ROB MACDOUGALL in CARDIFF
23.23 reads Wincey Willis poem
25.03
WALK OVER TO LATER STUDIO
25.50 hi wincey - spooks - Black Crows - bridget jones diary - liam gallagher eyebrow - wincey poem - 28.00 walk back
ends 29.05
SHOW 7 - Tuesday 10th April
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
1.00 NARROWCASTERS - 3 WOMEN OF ACHIEVEMENT - Louise Ellman MP, Clare Newton (British Female Inventor of the Year), Samantha Hubbard (Young Woman Engineer of the Year)
2.21 - TITLES - Extra ribbed for her comfort.
3.24
INTERNET BABIES
2 girls bought must return - original names Yahoo & Ask Jeeves - negative feedback on ebay - NARROWCAST check - children of courage crashed by judith kilshaw - HOME MADE GRAPHIC - shakespeare, Quake 3, baby
5.44
LEEDS UTD TRIAL - FOR LADIES
6.20
LENIN - GLORIA HUNNIFORD
6.54 VT -
9.18
FAXOMETER
Jon Morrice is here - 10.30 STEPHEN BAYLISS CLIP - STEPHEN BAYLISS Winner of Star For A Night 18.3.01 - reads out faxes - waves
13.31 CLOSING VOICEOVER - multiple choice phone in
14.28 ROWERS VT
16.03 TOMORROW’S SHOW
17.05 NARROWCASTERS - Pole goes up middle of woman
19.31
ANNA NOLAN
Missy track - you’re really into - Get Yer Freak On - record company biked it over when we said Anna - Vanessa - she went mad - didnt watch big brother - doing show called closure - 23.45 quiz - geoff doing questions -
STEPHEN BAYLISS PLAYOUT
ENDS 29.45
SHOW 8 - Wednesday 11th April
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
Chris Evans to wed - first time a teacher will say did your husband help you with this? - he knew how old she was when he bought her off the internet -
1.45
TITLES - Go f*** yourself, each and every one of you/Ars artem celerem
2.30
BRIXTON RIOTS
Molotov Latte - Woman CLIP - women roll their own hair - released entire rioting on dvd - only good pigs a dead one
3.45
EMINEM
waited for him to finish swearing on the bible - sentencing clip - disappointment from his lawyers bitch mutherf***a pussy & ho
4.48
FAXOMETER
he’s in the foyer - ive got a fax its a bit embarrassing - selling books - do you know why you’re not in the shop? - neil & jenny explanation (7.20 - 8.20) - walk over to shop - looking for Live Aid video - Malcolm, why dont you steal something -
11.33
DESK CORRESPONDENT - CONTAGIOUS BOY
Allergic to everything except lilt and mini cheddars -
15.02
CLOSING VOICEOVER - DIFFICULT MULTIPLE CHOICE PHONE IN
16.13
WHEN MONUMENTS SWEAR III- WHEN PRODUCTS YOU BUY GET SAUCY
17.35
TOMORROWS SHOW
MRS. CLARKE IN RECEPTION
19.58
SIMON NAPIER-BELL
Why are drugs so important? - music got faster & faster & faster on amphetamines - managers - 24.11 Mrs Clarke arrives - holds book - any experience of pop biz? - deal double meaning - would I watch this show tomorrow? - they tag you! For esther! - hugs contagious boy -
ends 30.14
SHOW 9 - Thursday 12th April
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
1.00 TITLES - Charlotte Ch**ch
What’s missing?.....UR
1.31
COSMONAUT’S DAY
Yuri Gagarin - 2 structures from space (queue on Kennedy Lawn) - Tshirt Yuri went to space and all I got was this lousy dead chimpanzee - ballpoint pen, teflon & rockets into space - technical difficulties - radio gagarin gagaroo etc. leads to 3.22 -
WRITERS ROOM
- they hide
4.15
CHARLOTTE CHURCH AUTOBIOGRAPHY
only welsh person daily mail readers like -
5.15
SHANNEN DOHERTY
RORY GETS A CALL -
6.25 - Why do you highlight anniversaries? - what if shannen had never been born -
8.10
DESK CORRESPONDENT - SOUTHAN MORRIS & RANDOLPH
9.42 - Goes into royal canin -
11.05
FAXOMETER
13.47 CLOSING VOICEOVER - Multiple Choice Phone In - Wrong Number! ! !
14.57
THE TUNNEL CHANNEL
16.19 TOMORROW’S SHOW
17.07 PEOPLE ENJOYING VOICE OF AN ANGEL
18.10
** MARK RENDELL ON CHARLOTTE CHURCH BOOK
turns into a cattery
20.40
PERSIAN 30 AD
21.15
MR. PICNIC
- started more agressive than I thought - cant comment on picnic-related events - salad from hat - do’s & dont’s? - keep hands clean - picnic dating service - I like picnics, girlfriend doesnt
ends - 29.50
SHOW 10 - Friday 13th April
0.00
LADIES NIGHT OPENING
1.00
LADIES NIGHT TITLES - Extra ribbed for her comfort.
1.55
COSMONAUT’S DAY
3.00
INTERNET BABIES
3.57
DESK CORRESPONDENT - TEENAGE SCHOOLGIRLS
8.05
CHARLOTTE CHURCH VT
9.09
FAXOMETER WITH STEPHEN BAYLISS
13.20
DESK CORRESPONDENT - SOUTHAN MORRIS
15.37
WEATHERCAM - CARDIFF
19.03
MARK RENDELL ON CHARLOTTE CHURCH
20.27
MR. PICNIC
24.00
ANNA NOLAN - QUIZ
ENDS 29.13
SHOW 11 - Monday 16th April
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE - Easter Bank Holiday Monday
1.20 Newsnight Desk - look at graffitti - to 2.49
3.06
TITLES - We need a guest
Robbie Williams are you watching?
3.44
BANK HOLIDAY
things staff members have made - cross - Claire’s card - Easter Bonnet - Jon Morrice cross - dirty protest - shroud of paxman - wrong way round -
7.05
DESK CORRESPONDENT - SHELAGH MARTIN
Animal news -
9.58
FAXOMETER
12.43 - FAXOMETER AD
13.15 CLOSING VOICEOVER
13.34 BBC IS CLOSED VT
15.08 TOMORROWS SHOW
15.48
DAY THAT WOMEN CAN HIT MEN
VT & woman from audience
17.27
RANKIN FAMILY
Introduce themselves - Matt looks like Tom Cruise - please say respect the cock - Im Gayle & this is my most embarrassing moment - house in garden - its like a f***ed up kids channel -
21.46
JOANNA PLEA FOR ROBBIE WILLIAMS
Lists rejections - flowers fall - its the negative energy - 23.37 - Plea
24.50 - Call to RDA VIEWER LUCY MORRIS - who takes pregnancy test live on the air!
Joanna goes to toilet to take test
ends - 29.56
SHOW 12 - Tuesday 17th April
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
nothing went right yesterday - got hammered - dragged myself out of barrymore’s pool - Fergie Divorce: had 10000 men - JOANNA OUTSIDE LOOKING FOR BANDS - Nearsay
5.00
TITLES - Only another 28 of these bastards to go
5.44
CUBA CELEBRATIONS
50 years castro declared socialism - comedy monologue - 6.17: VT
7.43
EMINEM AD
8.39 Starts to write letter -
10.07
KRUSCHEV - HENRY KELLY - JAN HAMMER - BIRTHDAY
10.50 vt
12.14
DESK CORRESPONDENT - CUTE SOCIALIST RACHEL FAIRBURN
Labour ads - Lemsip boss wages - Liz Hurley -
15.10
FAXOMETER AT THE RANKINS HOUSE
Jon in girls room - posters - unfurl
19.49 CLOSING VOICEOVER -
20.35 DO THE BACKSCRATCHER VT
22.28 TOMORROWS SHOW
22.53
THE RANKINS
26.40
CUTE SOCIALIST RANT
RANKINS WASHING JON MORRICE
ENDS 29.40
SHOW 13 - Wednesday 18th April
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
I am Trevor Nelson’s Urban Choice - Well done - digital viewers in the audience
0.50 TITLES - David Letterman Now Starting on ITV2
1.30
COMPUTER CRIME SQUAD
Upheaval for Police - got up to Level 3 on supermario - peace up
ANNE ROBINSON - big up the ho’ - we say hang loose bitch you can run but not hide
sorry…
2.34 WRITERS ROOM
Black Gangstas - f*** you bitch -
4.00
FORMATION OF EUROPEAN STEEL & COAL COMMUNITY
- EBONY STEEL BAND - Makili: Chosen Model by Kraftwerk - thats steel - just got a sack of coal
5.19 - starts - type of coal
7.43
COSMOS TRANSMUTAZOID
I will destroy you - You look great - I will destroy you - Tiger Woods/Disney = Tigger Woods - Holland/Euthanasia - pop his clogs - red and briight whiite district - vodka drink spray/ f***ed that joke up - autocue in my visor switched to qvc - fashion designer - bubble wrap/men usually wear protection - mir/railtrack -
12.07 CLOSING VOICEOVER - DIFFICULT PHONE IN WINNER
12.54 - CIVIL RIGHTS AND ICE DANCING
14.07 TOMORROWS SHOW
14.26 EMAIL - FAX - HERE’S OUR TELEX
15.19
THE RANKINS
TV Licence - never had one - 5 qus on digital television - girls run out to pull OB link
** (18.50 - 19.38 = good!)
19.40
TRUDE MOSTUE
Dog collar - Howard my fiancee - dont want details, have nothing but contempt for Howard - good build? Easy on the eye? Mustve done well for yourself - 6ft 4? - he has a mind? - since Dec - papers? They like to write about my love life - programmed different boyfriends for diff. Series?
RANKINS - pet queries: 22.40 - Tina the Hamster - infected eye - take eye drops - ITV havent poached you yet! - those hamsters tend to bite me - 24.46 - Chandler the cat - walks like he’s gay - his hips move weirdly - sexuality problem or hip problem? - is gayness common complaint of animals in the wild? -
Testicle collection? - other vets collect stuff - ooh look at all these testicles! 28.52 STEEL BAND
ENDS 29.28
SHOW 14 - Thursday 19th April
0.00 OPENING MONOLOGUE
Nicole Kidman - enormous sham, sorry shame - CD collection good ones on top shelf
1.18 TITLES - This caption is sponsored by the MHP mailing list
1.50
MISS WORLD - 50TH ANNIVERSARY
David Vine & Miss Haiti VT - 2.09 - 2.58 - CLIPS 3.12 - 3.57 -
4.05
SPACE SHUTTLE ENDEAVOUR
if this is still in show, nothing bad happened - ISS funded by 16 countries - most diverse crew question is Who Will Betray the Mission First? Kent V. Rominger, Chris Hadfield, or renegade Cosmonaut - Lazy wisecracking Italian Will be first to die - To be continued…
5.30
DESK CORRESPONDENT - DANIELLA GONELLA
Lengthy intro - good shows - how have shows been this week? - reads & operates autocue - laughing with us or at us? - your job is a piece of piss? - scrolls - hold it there! - didnt like touting for guests on air - 8.56 now you John -
10.00
FAXOMETER
in Comic Relief offices - Yes/No/Don’t Know
11.45 CLOSING VOICEOVER - Tribute to Miss World
12.17 MISS WORLDS SINGING UNA PALOMA BLANCA
13.50 AUDIENCE PLEA/ NEXT WEEK’S SHOWS
14.32
THE RANKINS
3 women gagged - Father: chance to have a chat with you - jesus - something wrong with these images - first time gagged - favourite show: Fishing Clip - Paul Young - last bit of gaffer mrs. Rankin - compare & contrast tv money with real money - 17.00
ASSISTANT PRODUCER CLAIRE NOSWORTHY - getting married in May - Jonathan Spencer - comparative cake - its a cake chart - 18.40 costs of venue/waiters/crew - so are you saying Claires spending more on wedding than ob? Yes - doesnt that defeat object of item - you’ve wasted time - and a fair bit of money John - 20.30
20.30
HEAT 2 BRITAIN’S GAYEST MAN
Put ad: are you or do you know Britain’s Gayest Man? - we dont know what that means - sweater? - adjectives to describe Ricky Martin? - last years winner got liquid news - contestants:
David, - im a screaming whoopsie - Jamie - Chris - 23.54 - QUIZ
gayness is a life choice & can go up as well as down - 26.20 - VOTE
26.59 RANKINS PRESENTED WITH TV LICENCE
27.50 Tom Cruise from Born on Fourth of July - You’ve been stars on channel for a week - walk until camera cable will stretch no further - pan round to Matt
ENDS - 30.01
SHOW 15 - Friday 20th April
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
from show 12 - nothing went right on the show yesterday - barrymore’s pool - Duke & Duchess of York
1.05 TITLES - David Letterman Now Starting on ITV2
1.50
SLAPPING VT
& Studio slap
3.29
THE RANKINS - QUIZ
7.02
WRITERS ROOM (Black gangstas)
8.47
TRUDE MOSTUE - BLIND DATE VT
10.49
FAXOMETER from the Rankins House
14.30
SPACE SHUTTLE - from 14
15.50
DESK CORRESPONDENT - DANIELLA
17.50
CASTRO - ADDRESS
19.27
COSMOS EXTRACT
22.05
TRUDE ANSWERS RANKINS PET QUERIES
23.41
MISS WORLD CLIP
24.52
RANKINS PULL OB LINK
25.27
CUTE SOCIALIST RANT
27.17
RANKINS GET TV LICENCE & WALK OFF INTO SUNSET
ENDS 29.54
SHOW 16 - Monday 23rd April (reversioned)
0.00
- QUEEN’S BIRTHDAY - shells, but where do they land? - TVC Explosion! - 0.57 - coming up Bonnie Langford
1.30 TITLES - Episode 9 - Louise Confronts Her Uncle
wrong music was played through - should I say intro
2.54 TITLES
3.30
ST. GEORGES DAY
What do we celebrate? - aud member - we feel awkard - brian glover? -
4.08
TURKISH HOTEL SIEGE
- demands incl room with sea view - storm despite do not disturb sign - only watched first 2 mins of Dirty Car Wash -
5.28
DESK CORRESPONDENT - JOHN’S MUM
Today v. special day for us English - noone flying Union Jack higher than myself - why is there no real guest on this show - 13th birthday party - where is the audience? - why you not cook for them? - not even properly dressed - 8.52 - We do have a proper guest! -
9.14
FAXOMETER
Trees - Watchdog - Scots & Irish up here - unfurl w/ flags - Paul Flood - is this a coded warning?
13.51
CLOSING VOICEOVER - LANDROVER PIX! ! ! - GOOD FOR COMP.
14.18
BUILD A BETTER BRITAIN - VT - BRILLIANT
16.17
BONNIE LANGFORD TEASE 16.33 - TOMORROW’S SHOW
17.28
RUNNER’S RUNNER/MARATHON
Bobbie, Pete & David - we went to registration, & each chose 3 runners to rep us - bonnie: No sense - Pete came 1st, Bobbie last - Pete gets Monday off -
20.35
EMAILS
- Katherine Ealey’s email - 23.06 john off -
29.13
SHOW 17 - Tuesday 24th April
0.00
Loch Ness Spottings - Intro YOUNG BLACK MEN NARROWCAST -Why are you there Matt Ralph??? - He’s late, hes on the tube - can you pass for black? - Brixton -
3.50
TITLES - A Southan Morris joint
4.30
FOOT & MOUTH TRANSMITTED TO HUMAN
- Get back to burning people - cant be transmitted sexually - NESSIE SIGHTING
5.30
SHUTTLE MISSION UPDATE
- when will robotic arm kill its human crew
7.40ish
JOKE FOR YOUNG BLACK MEN (MOTOROLA)
- check with Narrowcast - they rewrite the joke
10.39
DESK CORRESPONDENT: AMY & KELLY
- Chris Evans/Billie Piper - Posh Spice - Man Utd. Child Name - Big Brother II
15.08
CLOSING VOICEOVER
- How Can A Camera Crew Make Your Life Easier Plea
15.56
OLD PEOPLE AND WILD ANIMALS
cut to the music of Starsky & Hutch
17.08 TOMORROW’S SHOW
17.37
NARROWCAST CHECK
- Girls are funny - Dominic’s arrived! - I was ill - I’ve got a cough
18.43
STUDIO NESSIE SIGHTING
19.13
ANTONIO FARGAS
- Huggy Bear from Starsky & Hutch - doing Blues Brothers - take your glasses off!
- you did Howling 7! But you dont mention I’m Gonna Get You Sucker - We have Qus from the audience - 1. I was present, but I dont remember shit - 2. 6’1 built like brick shit house & easy - 3. Cabinet answer - 4. Lowestoft - Thanks for coming
24.02
NARROWCAST CLOSING
- Not for young people - whats your problem man! - tv was born when you was born - thats why your buying records not producing them! - put us on widescreen some more - not stuck in 70s - we take heed of every one of our narrowcasters -
27.50
SHOW 18 - Wednesday 25th April (reversioned)
0.00 OPENING MONOLOGUE
Deaf signer for the audience - Eminem posed nude - real slim shady wouldnt stand up - noise awareness day - broadcasting show at half volume -
2.50 TITLES - Shhhhh
3.32 FUEL PROTESTS
Farmers - already costs a fiver to douse carcass in unleaded - lift vat on razzle-
4.34 ROBERT DOWNEY JNR. TRIAL
- In hotel with 5lbs 6oz - callista flockhart - won grammy - took grammies -
5.23
INTERNATIONAL SECRETARIES DAY - Man with huge tits
5.55 EXPLAIN NAME OF THE CHANNEL -
6.57
MELISSA JAMES INTRO
We dont know what to do with you... do you like Ally McBeal? I dont its just people bursting into song -
8.33
ELLA FITZGERALD’S BIRTHDAY
MELISSA JAMES BURSTS INTO SONG (+4 players)
9.29
JEM WHIPPEY ON NOISE AWARENESS DAY
10.50
SADDAM HUSSEIN/WORLD OF COMFORT - 11.09 VT
12.20
NOISE AWARENESS
Wanted Darren Johnston to talk about it - he pulled out, so we went to their meeting -
13.32 JON MORRICE VT - Nigel Rodgers, Darren Johnston, - 16.08
16.17 CLOSING VOICEOVER - HOSEPIPE RIOTS
16.50 NOISY SILENT VT
17.52 TOMORROWS SHOW
19.23
PHIL NICHOL (Bears Beware)
Hows punch? - Im pissed off - not on often, but got me because of noise awareness - have to beware when walking - whistle in daily star - 22.30 Bears beware tape - listen to tape - bear calls - deaf signer interprets calls - Phil walks off in a huff - this is bullshit - deaf signer
27.34 MELISSA JAMES (& bear)
ends 29.55
SHOW 19 - Thursday 26th April (THIS IS VERSION 2 NOT 3!)
0.00 OPENING MONOLOGUE
- Huge programme - Intl take Daughters To Work Day - Celebrating Cockermouth - disgraced president of Philippines Joseph Estrada
1.46 TITLES - Bring your daughter to the slaughter
2.24
SID JAMES DEATHAVERSARY
We’ll be presenting things he would have laughed at if he were still with us -
2.56 ESTRADA ARRIVAL UPDATE
arrives in tv centre - lists trouble he’s in
3.34
NATIONAL TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY
Alan’s brought Lucy - a lot of pointing? Shouting? - Elise on camera - did you dress the camera?
You’ll be operating camera 2 - zoom in on me - sue pelhate has Tiffany - press some buttons - ah there’s my daughter
Leshan
2 twin daughters - Kerry & Jo - they both have your breasts
7.40 VT OF OTHER SHOWS - MICHAEL FISH, JEREMY BOWEN, ROB BONNET, DAVID BRAINE, CHRISTOPHER PRICE, MICHAEL FISH ENDING - 9.00
9.09
DESK CORRESPONDENT - ED DYSON
I’m doing this so my accountants can write off stuff like clothes against tax - you hate sketches, but its all contrived, its not like nature brings us to watch man on desk - rory hate him - I think you should say hello in the morning, but who f***ing cares - cut this bit out of the show - swear box
12.44 LESHAN - could we get her something to draw -
13.20 CLOSING VOICEOVER -
13.47
OTHER THINGS SID JAMES MIGHT HAVE LAUGHED AT IF HE HAD STILL BEEN ALIVE WHEN THEY HAD HAPPENED
15.27 LESHAN WRITING BOARD
15.57
JOSEPH ESTRADA
he gets shot
16.57
COCKERMOUTH VT 18.03 - DAVID BERTRAM - You have a lovely tie - declaration - can we try that with a different filter? - marvejols man - jenny’s b’day - 6th former - Rosemary Terry - RN Chicken - Geoff Hundter from Cockermouth Mechanicals Band - Rod Moore - can we show you our big toy? - Dominic Jouve Marvejols Council -
ENDS 28.22
SHOW 20 - Friday 27th April
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
QUEENS BIRTHDAY from show 16
1.30
TITLES- Episode 9 - Louise Confronts Her Uncle
2.08
FUEL PROTESTS
2.48
DESK CORRESPONDENT - JOHN’S MUM
4.06
ROBERT DOWNEY JNR.
4.50
TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER TO WORK DAY
8.05 - VT
9.30
CRAZY SADDAM
11.02
DESK CORRESPONDENTS - KELLY GODFREY & AMY HARPER
14.10
JON MORRICE AT NOISE AWARENESS MEETING
16.43
PHIL NICHOL - BEARS BEWARE
21.30
ANTONIO FARGAS
- questions about the 70s
& BLACK MEN NARROWCAST
25.05
EMAIL & WALK OUT
ENDS 29.00
SHOW 21 - Monday 30th April (REVERSIONED)
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
Rancid chicken - Johnny Vaughan show -
2.23
TITLES - My other show’s on terrestrial
3.10
CENSUS
TC2 form - how many cameras? - how much johnny vaughan
4.10
TOP TEN REASONS WHY THIS SHOW WILL BE BETTER THAN JOHNNY VAUGHAN’S
5.35
BRITNEY SPEARS
- leads into SCHOOLGIRLS WRITERS ROOM
7.25
SPACE TOURIST DENNIS TITO
- hoping to postpone his visit until gift shop is ready
7.57 - HOLIDAY VT
9.53
DESK CORRESPONDENT - LIONEL BLAIR
Anti Globalisation Movement - When I started the May Day Riots 2 days ago… -
11.45
CLOSING VOICEOVER - Congrats to Johnny Vaughan
12.25
** DANCE ROUTINES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS
14.09 TOMORROWS SHOW
14.54 CHAT WITH SAM FARMER ABOUT THE MAYDAY RIOTS
16.40 RIOTS TOMORROW - Threatening water cannon AND shampoo
16.58
SURESH THE NEWSAGENT
18.00 - Me & Lionel went to your shop - VT
18.39 LIONEL BLAIR comes out
who buys stuff from you? - Richard Wilson, Terry Wogan, Anne Robinson, Jennie Bond
22.58 QUIZ
26.40 Lionel dances on desk - explain 2001 ending
ENDS 29.40
SHOW 22 - Tuesday 1st May
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
May Day riots - Glasgow £400 of improvements -
1.08 TITLES - Warning: Contents Under Pressure
1.50
MAY DAY
Disaster, no violence - Mc Donalds angry meal - 2.38 Jon Morrice reporting on the violence
watching News 24
4.15 EXCLUSIVE PICTURES - Flick book
5.04
JOHNNY VAUGHAN’S THOUGHT OF THE DAY
5.45
SPACE TOURIST UPDATE
6.15 - VT - (liam voice) -
7.05
EMAIL FROM MATT OVERTON -
ever thought of teaming up rda dog with Dom Joly dog - dont move much
dont find that funny - she represents my dog that died - its hard
8.03 GHOST VT
9.30
DESK CORRESPONDENT - CUTE SOCIALIST - CHRISTINA ROE
12.15 CLOSING VOICEOVER - if you’ve chosen which cosmonaut to vote out…
12.57 WHEN TUBE STATIONS SWEAR
14.27 TOMORROWS SHOW
15.15
** WEATHERCAM CHALLENGE
Cardiff - Rob McDougall; Newcastle - Barry Pearce; Norwich - Paul Kent; Plymouth - Andy Smith X;
24.10
PAUL TONKINSSON
Big Breakfast - you got pushed - wanted me to work for 4 weeks while they looked for a replacement - its not show friends, its show business - still doing standup? - cosmopolitan magazine centrefold - got attacked by a dog doing it -
28.50 CHECK IN WITH JON MORRICE
ends 29.49
SHOW 23 - Wednesday 2nd May
0.00 OPENING MONOLOGUE
did we find the squirrel? - every show should have a squirrel - geological society awards - smart money on graphite - grey ribbons= tribute to soil erosion - its also International Phone In Sick Day - Rory has actually phoned in sick - he is actually sick - missed the point of the day - we have a healer - and Lindsay Dracass
2.40 TITLES - Get well soon Rory
3.18
MAY DAY DEMOS AFTERMATH
not easy getting footage - really touchy about repeat fees - groups involved… plus glaziers -
4.10
DOLPHIN INTELLIGENCE
Checking out reflections - list of beings reads dolphins, monkeys &
5.42 AFGHANISTAN TALKS
Heres the UK entry to eurovision song contest
6.35 NO DREAM IMPOSSIBLE
9.50 CLOSING VOICEOVER - phoned in sick
10.35 MAY DAY RIOTS PIX WRAP - CUT TO DOWNTOWN
11.35 TOMORROW’S SHOW
12.15
WORLD PHONE IN SICK DAY
Here’s KELLY KIERMAN - REIKKI EXPERT/HEALER - what is Reikki? Energy
17.55
we seem to have broken into some kind of discussion group - do we have the will to carry on?
Brings CHARLIE on - howls to music
22.50
COSMOS TRANSMUTAZOID
ends 29.32
SHOW 24 - Thursday May 3rd April
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
Nobody has resigned yet - on fallout of phone in sick day, an incident happened as a result - stats from CBI, worst offenders were Birmingham CIty council… and Martine Macutcheon - Pubs will open around the clock - good news for farmers - surplus pork scratchings
2.25
TITLES - Public Performance or Broadcasting Prohibited
3.00
NATIONAL BRING YOUR GAY FRIEND TO WORK DAY
- Neil has brought his gay friend Jay - My gay firiend ‘Ercule - RAF had flypast - Man Utd. Psyio - AA carried on as usual -
5.00 - VT - Michael FIsh - Christopher Price - Jeremy Bowen
6.11
GEOLOGICAL SOCIETY AWARDS
Jon Morrice went there - short acceptance speeches - 6.59 VT - 8.08
- best ever, some moved tables emulating techtonic drift (8.19-8.31)
8.34
RONNIE BIGGS
- only condition on return that phil collins be deported - had 3 strokes - 3 strokes and you’re out
9.23
DESK CORRESPONDENT - MARTIN DANCE
(9.36 - 10.41)
We all saw what happened - it was so dramatic - bit bonkers, a bit scary, - I was laughing at you - grateful for any laugh I can get - this is some of martins finest work - if oscar wilde were making short films - I filmed this on North Road -
12.55 CLOSING VOICEOVER - if you’d llike to resign as a viewer
13.20 NEXT WEEKS SHOWS
(13.41 - 14.08)
14.10
BRITAIN’S GAYEST MAN
Put ad in paper - Dennis - Ray - Shaun - 18.20 QUIZ - 20.40 VOTING
22.56
BRENDAN BURNS
Last night was interesting - its like watching a car accident with clowns in it - I have enjoyed the show - Tom Cruise: no problem with gays, but if you suggest ill sue you for 100 mllion - hes secure - he could say Yes I love cock - career - offending people - Gay Mardi Gras or Mllion Man March - easier to just agree -
ENDS - 29.50
SHOW 25
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
- phoning in sick stats - Martine McCutcheon - pubs round the clock - scratchings - foot & mouth battle won: played football & came out of hiding from an attack - coming up Britain’s gayest Man
2.09
TITLES - Warning: Contents Under Pressure
2.45
MAYDAY RIOTS
3.38 - Jon Morrice reporting on riots (by watching tv)
4.54 - Footage of riots: flick book -
5.34
SPACE TOURIST
6.11 Holiday VT
8.08
LIONEL BLAIR DESK CORRESPONDENT
9.58
PRODUCTION MORRICE AT THE GEOLOGICAL AWARDS
10.57
DANCE ROUTINES OF THE RICH & FAMOUS
12.39
DESK CORRESPONDENT - MARTIN DANCE
14.44
BRITAIN’S GAYEST MAN
18.00
WEATHERCAM CHALLENGE (with Paul Tonkinsson)
23.49
SURESH THE NEWSAGENT
25.20
BRENDAN BURNS
27.29
LIONEL BLAIR PLAYOUT - 2001!
ENDS - 29.42
SHOW 26 - Monday 7th May
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
Richard & Judy to move to Channel 4 - News means that DSS have to move restart interviews - we have fine fine show - Slovenia - Pole Dancer Summer & Mr. Picnic
1.46
TITLES - Lep pozdrav iz Londona
2.16
RONNIE BIGGS
Latest is anything he says may be used in a Guy RItchie film - Trackside signal - couldn’t happen now drivers don’t stop at signals - met in chat room - if he ends up in prison, he’ll end up receiving contents of mail sacks - he’ll end up in Channel 5
3.50
JOHNNY VAUGHAN’S THOUGHT OF THE DAY
4.12
DESK CORRESPONDENT - TABLE DANCER, SUMMER
Found you round the corner- most you’ve earned in a night - whats caught your eye - Jersey Gorilla - does sex go thru your mind - I have a boyfriend - Carol Vorderman Quiz Show - moved from hotel management into dancing -
11.03 CLOSING VOICEOVER - PRODUCT RECALL
11.39
CONDOM INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO
12.56 TOMORROWS SHOW
13.42
SLOVENIA
Thought we’d hook up - VT
14.33 link up with MojcA MAVEC and Jon Morrice - I prefer to be a spokes girl - intro Boris - Slovenian entry -
19.14
MR. PICNIC
I will construct 2 picnics - Questions - hate barbecues - anything in the news? -
25.50
* STEPHEN BAYLISS - SINGS SLOVENIAS EUROVISION ENTRY
Ends 29.00
SHOW 27 - Tuesday 8th May
0.00
Oh I cant say start again! - cats - wormings - Bonnie Langford
1.12 - TITLES - Ne Kopay Se V Nogavicah
1.50
BLAIR ANNOUNCE ELECTION
- sorry walkover - MPs returning to campaign & find where they are - voter apathy: slots in ballot boxes will heal - Heart says Labour, Wallet Tory, Hair Lib Dem
2.50
KEN LIVINGSTONE
He’s done nothing - HANG ON - Row with Alan - Oi Gordillo! Ive made this tapestry! - Geoff: Lets calm down & remember where we are -
7.15
BILLIE & CHRIS
Wedding - married in america - not allowed celbratory drink - made love sober - Not enough time to buy new songs
7.47
BORIS CHERNE
Tells jokes in Slovene & Explains them - billie & chris - sniff this - your writers
Premier Blair, education, education, education - Juggles
12.35
VOICEOVER - we didnt show runners runner because it wasn’t funny
13.08
CENSUS REMINDER
14.00 - Tomorrows Show
14.35
BONNIE
we’re glad to have her back - intro - are u better? - 15.36 song starts - teas - 21.10 cheers
21.28
SLOVENIA
21,56 there they are! - 22.44 who are they exactly srchcov, alesh & tomash -
23.28 who are these exactly, are they crew members? - Im Straight! - I had sex with robert
I think John we should just play - 28.52
BONNIE CLOSING
GETS CUT OFF
SHOW 28 - Wednesday 9th May
0.00
First day of Cannes - Tom & Nicole - Charlotte Hudson does tarot - Hugh Mortimer
1.20 TITLES - We’re Being Watched
1.55ish
ELECTION
first day - what does he have to do to lose it? - leaked document - things not to do
- is that a step too far? - Charlotte?
3.00
CHARLOTTE HUDSON
Watchdog bit - statutory rights? -
3.30
GARDENING
70 yrs since first BBC Broadcast - celebrate by showing 70 yrs worth in last 6 months
3.58
GARDEN OF TOMORROW VT
we ended up with this
DIMMOCK VT
4.55
WILLIAM HILL BOOKMAKER, SERENA MOMBERG
- eurovision odds? - take 20 quid - slip? - william hill still alive?
8.55
CLOSING VOICEOVER - ABSEILING
Israel won and she had a willy -
9.18
TOMORROWS SHOW
9.46
SLOVENIA - UK Ambassador to Slovenia
hello london! - and with you is Hugh Mortimer, British Ambassador to Slovenia! - 200 million people will be watching you on Saturday - bread awards - Amb: I like all sorts of bread - prize winning bread! -
13.50 - Eurovision Quiz - here’s Frasier lookalike Boris - we’re going to split into teams - Question Mistress Charlotte Hudson (15.10) theres a timer on this -
19.02
CHARLOTTE HUDSON
19.19 VT - 20.00 - like a scene from killing of sister george there - anne robinson - fun job to do? - 21.08 I believe you’re going to do my tarot cards - how come you do tarot? - lived with a goth in paris - doing it since ’94 - cards - fool, hanged man,
26.59 - charlotte breaks into musical
29.00
SHOW 29 - Thursday 10th May
0.00
whats the point of the smoke?! - we’ll see if this works - Lord Archer put hand on bible & said I wrote that - we have Katrina from Katrina & The Waves -
TITLES - GAG OF THE DAY
Vote 2001 dancers -
4.20
Global reaction - 5.10
5.10
CONSERVATIVE BILLBOARDS
police, teachers - where are the jokes - where is johnny vaughan -
Need 25 seconds of Labour dancers -
- 7.20
9.38
SPACE TOURIST TITO
10.52
NEWSNIGHT OILS
- 11.49
NEXT WEEK’S SHOWS
14.08
BORIS INTRO
15.05
MOYZA
I will destroy you! - would you do something when you do the results? -
18.57
MOYZA & COSMOS
chat - vt - song - 22.33
22.50
KATRINA FROM KATRINA & THE WAVES
Walking on sunshine + dances
30.00
SHOW 30 - Friday 11th May
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
Cannes - Tom Cruise -
1.18
TITLES - Gag of the Day
1.57
VOTE 2001
Here are the VOTE 2001 DANCERS (x6)
3.44
CONSERVATIVE POSTER GAGS & MAKING UP OTHER PARTIES TIME
5.43
RONNIE BIGGS
7.06
70 YEARS OF BBC GARDENING PROGRAMMES
GARDENS OF TOMORROW VT
8.29
CLOSING VOICEOVER - NEWSNIGHT AROMATHERAPY OILS
9.27
SLOVENIA - MOYZA & THE BRITISH AMBASSADOR HUGH MORTIMER
10.58 QUIZ
14.46
MR. PICNIC
16.57
CHARLOTTE HUDSON
20.50
COSMOS & MOYZA IN SLOVENIA
ENDS WITH VT
23.32
KATRINA FROM KATRINA & THE WAVES
23.38
KATRINA PERFORMS WALKING ON SUNSHINE
29.40
SHOW 31 - Monday 14th May
0.00
Cocks wont suck themselves - dont get terrestrial - louis theroux weird weekeds/barrymore
TECHNOCRANE NIGHT - what is a technocrane? - racking around me - flat pack? -
on tonights show - paul & debbie - sally gray
3.39
TITLES - Digitally Remastered From The Original Tapes
4.25
BAFTAS
Graham Norton - best homosexual - Jamie Oliver ignore wife clip - Leonard Nimmoy - Buzz Aldrin - I thought I was up for an award - Clip - 7.43
7.43
VOTE 2001
Election Merchandise of the day
Peter Sissons - BBC Hope it’ll be the most profitable election of the television age - Peter Sissons reading collected letters from Hustler - True stories of depravity - Cock in peter’s mouth -
(- 9.20)
fiona bruce? - we’ve got fiona bruce - not sure if it worked - sally gray- I’ve worked with Peter Prod. Sec. - they’ll take anyone
10.13
DESK CORRESPONDENT - SALLY GRAY
Im sure many are revising - here with revision plan is sally gray - RANT - why would someone want to do this! -
12.57
CLOSING VOICEOVER - polling stations good place to meet singles
13.33 TECHNOCRANE SHOT MONTAGE
14.50 TOMORROW’S SHOW
15.58
INTERVIEW WITH THE TECHNOCRANE
drugs - camcorder baby - porn - sketch comedy -
17.45
PAUL DANIELS & DEBBIE MAGEE
Louis Theroux - paid a fortune (19.34) - how did you find out you lost the show - 20.55 You 2 are like the Paul Newman & Woodward... - immediately theres a period of lust, - how do you know whats in my head you evil genius - give & give, never expect anything - im taken 4 nights a week - 4 nights isnt enough for you debbie- are you constantly looking for sex? - my mum might be watching this - stop trying too hard - I heard you had 300 women in your life - women discovered the pill - discovered the paul - I let them - lets do the trick (24.00 ish) blades - 26.38 - spinning? - 28.30 you’re throwing them at me paul -
29.08 Credits - Technocranes
- 29.35
SHOW 32 - Tuesday 15th May
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE – We have Richard Whitely & Jo Guest
RICHARD & JO SIGNING VT
1.12 TITLES – Decommended, A Yellow Rail Can? (10, 5, 9)
1.53
VOTE 2001
Trying to be fair, so we just put all our political jokes in one
SIMULTANEOUS JOKES VT QUAD SPLIT 2.17 – 3.12
3.12
ELECTION MERCHANDISE OF THE DAY
- Icescrapers – The Faces of BBC News 24 24 Hour Clock Face – Anne Robinson Shoe Dubbin
6.20
DESK CORRESPONDENT – JO GUEST
Jo Guest on Italian Elections – so can also see my breasts
- I’m a presenter, cooking in the nude – I’m single
9.15 – CLOSING VOICEOVER – Last week of RDA – Parachute man
9.55 VT – MAURITIAN GRASS SKIRT DANCING AND BRICKLAYING
10.32
THIS SHOW COMING FROM ROYAL ALBERT HALL – TOMORROW’S SHOW
11.57
RICHARD WHITELY
I’m not a gay icon! Is that your first question?! – You plug book, havent come for that –Paul Daniels has - No sex in book – Anne Robinson? (13.50 – 14.40) – Richard & Judy? You could marry Carol & go to ITV – You’re sartorial, can we swap jackets? – Do you want to put a tie round your head?
17.17
INTERNATIONAL WEATHERCAM CHALLENGE
Welcome 4 locations – Leeds, Nottingham, Birmingham, New York – Someone working? – First Date – A Pair Of Something – How you’re feeling right now – Sum up your city – Expressive Camerawork to Buck’s Fizz’s The Camera Never Lies – TieBreaker: Something that needs cleaning up? Leeds win! ! !
ENDS 29.31
SHOW 33 - Wednesday 16th May
0.00
JIMMY SAVILLE OPENING
0.15 TITLES - Public Performance & Broadcasting Prohibited (again!)
0.50 JOHN MONOLOGUE
- Bafta winning Britain at War in Colour - Running thru Weakest Link Studio shouting bank - Real Ira recognised as terrorist threat - dont recognise bush as president - fund raising/marmalade
We have jimmy saville & brendan burns -
2.33
VOTE 2001
Britney backs labour - goodwill message - margaret beckett calendar - discussed world recession with s club 7s tina - torys repeatedly screwed - not the only celeb to back leader
GERI CLIP
GALLAGHER CLIP
MALE NUNS CLIP
4.35
VOTE 2001 - MANIFESTO ROUNDUP
Lib Dem Manifesto as glossy magazine - Labour Bodice Ripper - Big Book of Tory Teasers - grfx - 6.35
6.40 HEARTSTRING HEADLINES
7.33
BRENDAN BURNS
Geri - if I want an opinion I’ll stare at her tits - love her to come dont want to hear her complain - Michael Stipe is Gay, Blairs posh, Hague a bit bald - George Michael you are gay if you couldnt see it - outrage stupid - sucks cock - stuff girlfriend does to me counts as homosexual - does finger count?
10.11 CLOSING VOICEOVER - CAN WE HAVE AN AUDIENCE AT ROYAL ALBERT HALL?
10.37 HEARTSTRING HEADLINES
12.11 NEXT WEEK’S SHOW - ROYAL ALBERT HALL PLEA
12.59
EUROVISION RECAP
All week we were running a link up with slovenia - I dont know if you saw the show last Thursday - CLIP - then this happened - EUROVISION CLIP - couldnt had a more subtle signal 14.25 They’ll be in tomorrow
15.01
JIMMY SAVILLE
Never voted for anyone – didn’t help me when skint or with money – 11 New Years Eves with Thatcher – Sexual woman? 2 kids gave chocolates - cigars - good for you – I’ll sit over here – why are you here? – new kid on the block, nobody helped me – will what you’re doing give u 10 year shelf life – started in ’58 jesus, you called? – you seem unaligned – mining accident – started dance hall – youre like a human Hallmark Card – Fix It Clip- BRENDAN – tell u why it lasted – 12 a year – puts down Brendan -
28.30
SHOW 34 - Thursday 17th May
0.00 OPENING MONOLOGUE
John Prescott – eggs/cholesterol - do not talk about fight club – rules, coming up - moyza
2.07 TITLES – Display Copy Only
3.00
VOTE 2001
Lets not forget the campaigns – prescott punch – prescott punch – when bison attack – tories good position to win – gallagher laugh – jfk talk through – we’re through the looking glass – eggs are eggs
JOHN GETS EGGED
5.53
WORLD REACTION TO PRESCOTT -
CLOSE VOTE 2001
6.54
10TH ANNIVERSARY OF ILFORD EXCHANGE SHOPPING CENTRE
14.14 CLOSING VOICEOVER – Rollercoaster cubs
14.36
NATIONAL JOB SWAP DAY
Cosmos & Mr. Picnic – VT – 19.30 – Mr. Picnic does stand up -
22.40
MOYZA MAVEC & SLOVENIAN AMBASSADOR
Quiz with PAUL ROSS – on Slovenia -
28.56
SHOW 35 - Friday 18th May
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE – John Prescott (34)
1.22
TITLES – Digitally Remastered from the Original Tapes
2.00
BAFTA
3.57
PRESCOTT PUNCHES
4.58
BRENDAN BURNS
6.28
PRESCOTT EGGING – THEORIES – JFK
& JOHN EGGING
8.00
PAUL ROSS – SHEEP & DOG FIGHT EMAIL
10.00
ELECTION MANIFESTO ROUNDUP
11.50
CLOSING VOICEOVER – ROYAL ALBERT HALL – LION
HEARTSTRING HEADLINES
13.42
RICHARD WHITELEY
15.17
PAUL DANIELS & DEBBIE MAGEE TRICK
18.00
JIMMY SAVILLE & BRENDAN BURNS
20.05
RICHARD WHITELEY & JO GUEST VT
20.45
INTERNATIONAL WEATHERCAM CHALLENGE
22.27
MR. PICNIC & COSMOS JOB SWAP
24.30
MOYZA & MARJAN
Ends - 29.13
SHOW 36 - ROYAL ALBERT HALL SPECIAL - Monday 21st May
0.00 INTRO - STEVE JONES voiceover - arrivals - roger daltrey, eurbank, etc. schoolgirls, picnic,
welcome John Gordillo! - PETER PURVES COMES OUT - wages are sellotaped to seats - coming from The Royal Albert Hall - Wagner here - first sumo - brits - 1.58 (they happened right here/) - 3.25 (and if this isn’t a place) - hitler’s other testicle - joining us - ambassador
4.10 TITLES - Not Actual Size
5.32 VOTE 2001
GERI HALLIWELL WONT VOTE
Electoral Register - regional development - lost so much weight, she doesn’t even register as a whole person -
6.12 ELECTION PHOTO OF THE DAY
Can we have an unneccessary zoom Ben? - Portillo - cast shadow of kkk member
6.39 - close vote 2001
6.55
MISS WORLD
Railtrack rail services back to Pre-Hatfield levels - Miss Honolulu!
Its now time to welcome... - MARTIN FRY! - What are you doing here?! - speak to my manager - 9.07
9.17
DESK CORRESPONDENTS: TEENAGE SCHOOLGIRLS!
- You turned 16! - been in pub? Can you drink? - 10.11 (yeah I am) to 10.17 Does the age diff. cause a barrier? - (10.31 Alright now I believe you’ve been looking thru the papers) Looking through papers - Prescott - politician in public eye shouldn’t act like a maniac - pretty entertaining though - id probably hit them - chris evans - what a state what a tramp - wedding day go all out - probably wont last - baby have that to look forward to! - billie a bit crap - please thank kelly & amy!
13.32 CLOSING VOICEOVER with MR. PICNIC! - Thought it was a joke like pretending to be in slovenia
14.15 - ROYAL ALBERT HALL VT
enjoying show ambassador?! - TOMORROW’S SHOW
17.31
VIEWERS LETTERS - letter into
18.20
(LIONEL) BLAIR’S MESSAGE TO THE NATION
20.58 enjoying it? - I was here with liza minelli! - 21.53 intro into...
22.38
KENNY SMILES (PHIL NICHOL) - 25.50 not quite the ending we were told - im sorry martin?
26.56
MARTIN FRY - SHOOT THAT POISONED ARROW
ENDS 29.14
SHOW 37 - Tuesday 22nd May
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
National Bring your dangerous animal to work day - I’ve brought Kate in - Monkey on head - lets hope for more of the Monkey see rather than the monkey do - im a bit nervous, im meeting her parents tomorrow - my neck feels warm - I am being pissed on aren’t I - now why do I feel something solid - we’ve got adam shaw - paul foot - and phil nichol
2.47
TITLES - (FINANCIAL DISCLAIMER)
3.30
* NATIONAL BRING YOUR DANGEROUS ANIMAL TO WORK DAY
Ian you have a snake - bring it up - it can smell the monkey piss -
Daniella, you have a Lion Cub
5.33
ELECTION PICTURE OF THE DAY
6.05
* DESK CORRESPONDENT - ADAM SHAW
Monica Lewinsky vacuum cleaner, Penguins in Polo Necks - Cars made out of cannabis - you know I really wanted to show you big pants - could you give us a genuine business story? -
Detailed response: how can you get monkey shit off a lapel?
9.10 CLOSING VOICEOVER -
9.33 B-ROAD OF THE DAY
10.38 TOMORROWS SHOW (WITH MONKEY ON HEAD)
11.13
PAUL FOOT
And JANE BOOKER
Im a standup comedian, but I’m branching out, into beefeater-related entertainment - I have professional actress involved - I only have 4 minutes - would you help John? -
21.55
PHIL NICHOL - S&M EXPERT
Sits on john’s head - beats john
Ends 28.44
SHOW 38 - Wednesday 23rd May
0.00
INTRO TO BRITAIN’S GAYEST MAN CONTESTANTS
1.00
JOHN MONOLOGUE - second to last show - developing new show - when cilla attacks - have a good time, we’ve already spent your money - on tonight’s show...
2.17
TITLES - Not To Be Used In Conjunction With Painkillers
3.00
VOTE 2001
JORDAN TO STAND FOR ELECTION - skeptisism - refused to euro policy/high taxation - spoiled papers - disproportional representation - martin bell to stand against her really close
4.19
ELECTION PHOTO OF THE DAY - TORIES
Pointless zoom - goodies - thatcher at front, penis in the back
4.57
DESK CORRESPONDENT - 9 YEAR OLD SCOTT COWAN
Newspapers? Bbc bombing - election? I dont know - just like all of us - tony blair as PM? I think hed be alright - well lets hope he gets in - lets go out and get drunk like men - agh! Agh! Agh! - girls? - phone: child abuse - how old am I? Take a guess - 42 - pokemon? Digimon better because they’re digital - end on a joke?
9.11
CLOSING VOICEOVER - space pizza
9.47 - NEWS PICTURES CUT TO BILLY JOEL
11.46
TOMORROWS SHOW
GUY FROM LEEDS
13.07
BRITAIN’S GAYEST MAN
intro contestants - 14.30 esther clip to 14.57 - 15.30 intro contestants - bbc doctor, John’s Mum, & sonia - 18.48 sonia/Johns Mum Rant to 19.47 - Questions to 24.06 - Intro GARETH DAVIES SONG to 27.44 - results WINNER at 28.23 to end
END AT 29.49
SHOW 39 - Thursday 24th May
0.00
We’ve got mind bending maniac Uri Geller - faxometer -
0.48 TITLES - He who saves one life Saves The World Entire
1.41 VOTE 2001
1.51 JORDAN
Beloved supermodel standing - real name charles kennedy - tough on crime, but soft on your skin - owning a semi in manchester area - when asked hat in ring - a skills round? Im f***ed! - leak - skills round im f***ed
3.00 - JORDANS MANIFESTO
education education chips - 22000 footballers - voting like richar & judy -ban all surnames - its time for some common sense in wales - more cutting red tape
3.41
ELECTION PICTURE OF THE DAY
Unneccessarily elaborate camera move - camera crashes into set - no claims discount - no city back here?! - camera here - 5.59
teenagers supporting Blair - prince william sent message - leave my bitches alone
6.42
MEN OF NEWS CALENDAR - 8.57
8.57
DESK CORRESPONDENT - JOHN GORDILLO
FREAK OUT! - with THRUST! -
11.00 CLOSING VOICEOVER - last one -
11.20
WHATS COMING UP next week
11.39 MORTAR - aunties warzone bloomers
12.25 LATE NIGHT RIOT TRAINING
14.03
URI GELLER
David Dimbleby - thats what made me famous worldwide/ 14.39 - cds cards - 15.07 Thats david dimbleby! Donny osmond oh its you - couldve been a porno actor - I was male model before I bent spoons, once I had to model with underwear - card - this looks like porn - telepathy - 17.45 drawing - 20.30 This is how I do my tricks - plastic spoon - 21.09 - wedding: Michael Jackson was your best man - whats he like up close - spoons is like your handshake - 22.54 could you use powers to help the show -
24.03
CLOSING - INTO SCHINDLERS LIST ENDING
OUT AT - 28.15
SHOW 40 - Friday 25th May
0.00
OPENING MONOLOGUE
FROM SHOW 36 - Royal Albert Hall
- hitlers other testicle -
1.53 TITLES - Images not actual size
3.14
VOTE 2001
JORDAN STANDING FOR PARLIAMENT
4.28
NATIONAL BRING YOUR DANGEROUS ANIMAL TO WORK DAY
Kate on John’s head -
5.30
MISS HONOLULU
7.17
TECHNOCRANE CRASH
8.56
TEENAGE SCHOOLGIRLS AT ROYAL ALBERT HALL
11.05
MEN OF NEWS CALENDAR
12.56
BRITAIN’S GAYEST MAN FINAL
=== PATCH IN RDA BUG at start ===
14.40 - QUIZ
18.23
WHATS COMING UP IN THE SCHEDULES
Aunties Warzone Blunders - Late NIght Riot Training, The Musical -
20.58
END OF BRITAIN’S GAYEST MAN
22.26
PAUL FOOT’S DRAMA WORKSHOP
24.33
URI GELLAR
How could you forget a telepathy expt - im so excited - that’s a lie - show me the drawing -
27.57
MARTIN FRY
ENDS 30.00
PERFORMERS
John
Nick Clarke
1
Jeillo Edwards (JOHNS MUM)
Christopher Price (Scarborough VT)
2
Angellica Bell
Vanessa Feltz
3
Paul Coia
Adam Bloom
Phil Whelans (Cosmos)
4
Chris Eubank
Richard Blackwood
Damage
Lady Victoria Hervey
Jonathan Ross
Simon Fielder
Leslie Phillips
Katy Hill
Joanna Taylor (Hollyoaks)
Tamsin Outhwaite
6
Wincey Willis
Kate Thornton
Tony Blackburn
7
Anna Nolan (from Big Brother)
Stephen Bayliss
8
Simon Napier-Bell
9
Mark Rendell
Paul Foot (as Mr. Picnic)
11
Shelagh Martin
12
Will Smith (as Castro)
16
Jeillo Edwards (JOHNS MUM)
Bonnie Langford
Teenage Schoolgirls - Amy & Kelly
Antonio Fargas (Huggy Bear)
17
Melissa James
Phil Nichol (Bears Beware)
27
Bonnie Langford (& her band)
28
Charlotte Hudson (Watchdog, Watchdog Healthcheck, Bruiser)
29
Moyza Mavec
Phil Whelans
Katrina formerly Katrina from Katrina & The Waves
31
Sally Gray
Tony Burgess (as The Technocrane)
Paul Daniels
Debbie Magee
32
Richard Whiteley
Jo Guest
33
Sir Jimmy Saville OBE
Brendan Burns
34
Paul Ross
Mojca Mavec
Phil Whelans (Cosmos)
Paul Foot (Mr. Picnic)
36
Steve Jones
Alan Rodgers & His Orchestra (25x)
Peter Purves
Teenage Schoolgirls- Kelly & Amy
Mr. Picnic
Lionel Blair
Phil Nichol (as Kenny Smiles)
Martin Fry from ABC
(Stephen Bayliss)
37
38
Gareth Davies
Alan Rodgers
Sonia
John’s Mum - Jeillo Edwards
39
Uri Geller
6x Dancers
Mr. Picnic
Schoolgirls
Esther Rantzen
Cosmos
SUPPORTING ARTISTES, CONTRIBUTORS & MEMBERS OF THE PUBLIC
1
Barbara Speake Dancers (x15)
Barbara Speake
2
Dominic Walker (Leeds Weathercam)
3
3 people in the audience cutaway shot
4
Andrew Cody - STUNT COCK
Dancers x 6 - THRUST
Britain’s Gayest Men Contestants - Jim, Darren, Ian
Walter Kress
6
Teenage Schoolgirls - Kelly Godfrey & Amy Harper
Rob MacDougal (Cardiff Weathercam)
7
Narrowcasters - Louise Ellman MP
Clare Newton (British Female Inventor of the Year)
Samantha Hubbard (Young Woman Engineer of the Year)
8
Contagious Boy
Mrs. Clarke from the Esther show
9
Randolph the Cat
11
The Rankin Family (x4)
RDA Viewer Lucy Morris (Pregnancy Test)
12
The Rankins
Rachel Fairburn (Cute Socialist)
16
3x Young Black Men (Narrowcast)
17
Noise campaigners: Nigel Rodgers
Darren Johnston
27
Slovenia’s Gayest Man Contestants - x3
28
Serena Momberg (William Hill Bookmakers)
Hugh Mortimer (UK Ambassador to Slovenia)
Boris Cerni
29
Vote 2001 Dancers (x6)
Boris Cerni (BBC World Service)
31
None
32
Mark Stainburn (Leeds Weathercam)
Eliott Parish (Nottingham Weathercam)
Richard Roberts (Birmingham Weathercam)
Emma Simpson (New York Weathercam)
33
None
34
Tony Edwards, Spokesman Ilford Shopping Centre
The Slovenian Ambassador to UK & Ireland
36
‘Ambassador’
‘Miss Honolulu’
37
38
9 Year Old Scott Cowan
Man from Leeds
Gayest Men - Phil, Ray & Darren
BBC Doctor - Dr. Colin Thomas
39
None
OPENING SUB-TITLES
1 No Blacks, No Dogs, No Irish
2 EPISODE 2 Pig In The City
3 Not that it matters, but most of what follows is true.
4 Episode IV - A NEW HOPE
(5 None)
6 Guitar tuition. All Styles. Tel: 020 8346 6074
7 Extra ribbed for her comfort.
8 Go f*** yourself, each and every one of you
9 Charlotte Ch**ch
What’s missing?.....UR
(10 Extra ribbed for her comfort.)
11 We need a guest
Robbie Williams are you watching?
12 Only another 28 of these bastards to go
13 David Letterman Now Starting on ITV2
14 This caption is sponsored by the MHP mailing list
(15 David Letterman Now Starting on ITV2)
16 Episode 9 - Louise Confronts Her Uncle
17 A Southan Morris joint
18 Shhhhh
19 Bring your daughter to the slaughter
(20 Episode 9 - Louise Confronts Her Uncle)
21 My other show’s on terrestrial
22 Warning: Contents Under Pressure
23 Get well soon Rory
24
(25 Warning: Contents Under Pressure)
26 Lep pozdrav iz Londona
27 Ne Kopay Se V Nogavicah
28 We’re Being Watched
29 Gag of the Day
(30 Gag of the Day)
31 Digitally Remastered From The Original Tapes
32 Decommended, A Yellow Rail Can? (10, 5, 9)
33 Public Performance & Broadcasting Prohibited
34 Display Copy Only
(35 Digitally Remastered From The Original Tapes)
36 Not Actual Size
37
38 Not To Be Used In Conjunction With Painkillers
39 He who saves one life Saves The World Entire
(40 Images not actual size)
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