FRIDAY NIGHT TODDLER ART GALLERY - Sunset Media Horizon

#22 - Sunset Media Horizon






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The Classified Ad Break - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

These are my Dad Lessons For My Kids - to browse at their leisure.
And then ignore.

- The Classified Ad Break -

Life in 2012:
We have a thing called Local Papers, which have a section called The Classified Ads.

Here's a Classified Ad Break...



(...from a show I made with John Gordillo called The Recommended Daily Allowance - full series here.).

Here are some of the ads, with more added.



PORTALOO plus melamine crockery, very cheap.



Furniture for sale. £95 Per item.



IN BOX. good condition. £10.



Grave for sale. Offers.



Drop side cot with mattress. Easy erection and storage for grandparents visitors.



I'M SELLING a Sanyo TV. Or 3.



Language course.



Writing Desk.
For
w r i t i n g.
(VIA @Caroline_Gold THANKS!)



Large stocks of Sellotape. it has hundreds of uses.



Lady required to groom and look after horses. In return for riding.



Very comfy sofa for £30. No... wait, £40, YES £40.



PAPER CLIPS. (got anything like this in your local rag?)



Ahhhh. Never been worn wedding dress.


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The Gayest Place In The Universe - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - The Gayest Place in the Universe -



If pushed to name the Gayest Place in the Universe,

I would say it is ‘Zara Man’ at Barcelona Airport.

I bought a nice coat there.

It was a leather jacket with a jersey-fabric hood built in.


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Argos Optimism - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Argos Optimism -



Life in 2012 - Business optimism:

Trying to buy a 20 quid popcorn maker in Argos,

and being asked if I'd like to take out an insurance plan.


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Why Mummy banned Fireman Sam (Americanisms in UK Kids TV shows) - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Why Mummy banned Fireman Sam -



Mummy banned Fireman Sam, because one too many times our son called mummy "MAM".

We are not Welsh.

Or, as she put it: "I'm not Norman Price's Mum"

(Source)

Being a cartoon script editor working on American co-productions, a lot of time's spent trying to tone down Americanisms in the dialogue (sorry, dialog).

Trying to purge words like Math, 911, Fall season, smores, Mac n Cheese, or my personal worst: candy.

But when parents (like myself) moan about US dominance in English language shows, we forget about the other regional phrases and idioms:

Look at this one, the way every episode of ME TOO! is introduced:



Come away in with you.

What does that even mean?

Who cares? Kids get what she's saying.

So maybe complaints about Americanisms risk being about all kids shows sounding correct in Southern England.

That'd be a foine day in Canada, Ireland, New Zealand, Australia etc. etc. etc.


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Women saying goodbye to each other - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Women saying goodbye to each other -



When women say goodbye to each other,
it's usually the start of about 10-25 minutes of the exact opposite.

Bye
See you
Thanks for a lovely time
We must do this again some time
Yes, let's.
You must come round to ours
We mustn't make it so long next time
I'll call you later
That'd be lovely
Bye
See you
Ooh you've forgotten your card
I'll get it next time
Let's make that soon
That's nice, take care
Drive safely
We will, you get in now, you'll get cold
Bye
Take care
See you

etc.

Men are so rude.

UPDATE/COMMENTS
@curtainqueen Like a courtship ritual, without the end result. Men just rattle their keys & leave. This is why us wimmins need our friends :-)


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When Legacy Media is a bit rubbish

When Legacy Media is a bit rubbish

Legacy media (everything that's not digital) has a problem with changing things once they've been released.

Digital content tends to best lend itself to works-in-progress and not being entirely correct or closed or 'finished'. "Always in beta".

Legacy media has been about transmitting ideas in a one-way direction - from the creator to the audience.
(Creators might be film directors, an ad agencies, TV broadcasters, magazines etc...)

Bad ads

UK fan is stabbed in Rome.

Probably not the best bit of media buying by British Airways in the Evening Standard...





#WaitroseReasons

Some say this is an example of social media gone bad.

What if it's a great example of social media being good and pass-on-able - and a legacy PR line that's probably disconnected from the first thing most people think.

That Waitrose seems a bit pricey and posh.

Who knows best - the PR effort or The Crowd?




The answer probably doesn't matter... so let's ask The Crowd to join in with your PR effort... (PS haven't checked any of the below...)

@waitrose
Finish the sentence: "I shop at Waitrose because ________." #WaitroseReasons

@inkognitoh
I shop at Waitrose because Tesco doesn't stock Unicorn food #waitrosereasons

@JoeBradbury1991
I shop at Waitrose because the M&S "2 dine for £10" attracts the proles. #waitrosereasons

@TheAuracl3
I shop at Waitrose bcuz itz where I cn link al de fit wimmenz, innit #WaitroseReasons

‏@AlteredCourse
I shop at Waitrose because I can wear chinos and still feel like a peasant. #WaitroseReasons

@undercoverman
I shop at Waitrose because I like watching Daily Mail readers support neo-socialist institutions #WaitroseReasons

‏@jonhickman
I shop at Waitrose because I'm a social media commentator working on a rather pedestrian critique of the #WaitroseReasons fail for my blog

‏@Martin_Carr
I shop at Waitrose because all the other supermarkets are full of povs and stainers. #WaitroseReasons

@parapism
I shop at Waitrose because darling, Harrods is just too much of a trek mid-week. #waitrosereasons

@scaryduck
@waitrose "I shop at Waitrose because..." you say "Ten items or fewer" not "Ten items or less", which is important #WaitroseReasons

Here are thousands of articles about #WaitroseReasons

But here are a load of the actual tweets



Click here for a great explanation of The Great Disruption


Click here for digital places being a bit rubbish


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FRIDAY NIGHT TODDLER ART GALLERY - Biro On Sofa

Welcome to the twenty-first Friday night opening of our gallery of Toddler Art.

Basically, our kids destroying the house, one installation at a time, while we're not looking.

It all started with “Sprinkles”



Then came Green Crayon Squiggles at Sofa's End, "Fence Behind Your Head", "Artist with Permanent Red on Whiteboard", "Freedom Corner", "Pencil Food", "Pencil Food Oh", "Two Lines from my Doctor's Desk", "Lines Behind the Dining", "Telephone Line" and a few others.

This week it's...


#21 - Biro On Sofa



Black bic biro on Sofaworks lilac fabric

It's as if The Artists are sitting there with us, even when they are not there.

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Equal amounts of dinner for your other half - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Equal amounts of dinner for your other half -



Always have a dilemma while cooking in a relationship: on where do we stand on giving equal food amounts for girlfriends?

Huge equal bowls.

Or more appropriate (but unfair) quantities?

(Just noticed the Tombliboo in the picutre.
It is a Tombliboo. Not my Other Half.)

When cooking, where do you stand on giving equal food amounts for girlfriends? Huge equal bowls or more appropriate (but unfair) quantities?

— Neil Mossey (@NeilMossey) March 8, 2012

When I put this on twitter, here are some of the replies:

If it's early on less but long-term it needs to be so equal that you may need to weigh the portions! :)
(link)

If it's a tasty dish, I pad Mrs Ant's plate out with a 'nice side salad'.
(link)

I have an "I cooked it, so I get the biggest prawns" rule. A) if there are prawns and B) if I've cooked it.
(link)

dont get me started. Such is the effort in our house to have equal (huge) portions,I've put on a stone since moving in together
(link)

Huge equal bowls! Standard.
(link)

I'm the cook, so I'm in charge :)
(link)

the article by @YoniFreedhoff on appropriate portion sizes:
(LOVE idea of correlating my cooking by height! A combined tape scale contraption +a carol vorderman equation to work out share)
(link)

I usually put this out to consultation at point of prep and then again at the point of serving. I did consider postal ballot...
(link)

why not just ask how much the other person wants? Or let them serve themselves.
(link)


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How to write your own UK road signs... - favourite free things on the web

How to write your own UK road signs... - favourite free things on the web

Just added this to my 10 favourite free things on the web
(click here for the full list...)



How to make your own UK road signs



Now you can. Here's the UK road sign font (the link is at the bottom):

"Transport Medium" & "Transport Heavy"



Plus Motorway, Temporary Motorway, Pavement, Variable Danger Sign and Old Style road fonts too...

All available from here:
http://www.cbrd.co.uk/fonts



"I maDe tHiS"



Full list of my favourite cool free stuff on the web here
(eg tired of tailgating... or being hassled by aggressive drivers?
Email-a-car)


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100 Things I hate - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - 100 things I hate-

Did 100 things I love.

Here is the start of 100 things I hate.



1
Hate that I confuse Bruce Willis/Billy Joel,
Gary Rhodes/Nigel Kennedy,
Peter Kay/Chris Moyles,
fajitas/burritos,
Dean/Wardour St

2
Hate all buildings from the 1970s. There is not one that I like.
RT @rodhuntress Is there no warmth in your heart for this alienating dystopian masterpiece?

3
I once had to break up with someone, Neil, because they kept saying my name every 8 words. Neil, it was like a verbal chokechain.

4
Hate that people say they’ve been badly stung, when the wasp has actually done it quite well.

5
Hate when people see that I want to pass on the escalator & make me look rude by yanking their obstructing friend out of the way



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Fish Pedicure - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Fish Pedicure -



Turns out those places where the fish nibble at your feet are USELESS on beer guts.


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Making it clear you're not a shoplifter - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - When shops leave the security tag on -



Life in 2012:
You will buy clothes, and get them home, and then find they haven't taken the security tag off them.

You'll end up overcompensating while returning security tagged clothes.

Like “being obvious” and “holding aloft” are both proof of purchase.



And wanting to be snotty that you've got to come back and do this, but not being able to be properly snotty, because until they've taken it off, the thing somehow isn't really yours.

And unless shop security tags become an intentional fashion statement in the future (like leaving the labels on baseball caps), you'll have to do that walk of shame-but-I've-got-nothing-to-be-ashamed-of-I've-bought-this-I-know-it's-still-tagged-but-I-paid-money-for-it-honest-I've-got-the-receipt-in-here-somewhere.



If it does turn out you've grown up to be shoplifters:

Give your kids things to hold, then put them on your shoulders so they hold it above the tag detectors as you walk out.

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Old person actually sodcasting - for lessons for my kids

Added this video to Old People Sodcasting



- Old People Sodcasting -



Life in 2012:
Old people hate youngsters playing tunes in public places on their phones.

It's called Sodcasting.

But youngsters are pretty tolerant of old people not knowing how to turn off their keypad tones when texting in public.



(NB Those clicks are coming from the phone. Not the old person's fingers.)

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FRIDAY NIGHT TODDLER ART GALLERY - Lines Ajar

Welcome to the twentieth Friday night opening of our gallery of Toddler Art.

Basically, our kids destroying the house, one installation at a time, while we're not looking.

It all started with “Sprinkles”



Then came Green Crayon Squiggles at Sofa's End, "Fence Behind Your Head", "Artist with Permanent Red on Whiteboard", "Freedom Corner", "Pencil Food", "Pencil Food Oh", "Two Lines from my Doctor's Desk", "Lines Behind the Dining", "Telephone Line" and a few others.

This week it's...

#20 - Lines Ajar



Black Bic Biro on Unfinished Wood

A work of simplicity from The Artists.


All of the works in the Toddler Art Gallery are here.


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Ciabatta is the emptiest of all the breads - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Ciabatta is the emptiest of all the breads -


Ciabatta is the emptiest of all the breads

You cut into it, and it is just bubbles.




There is more bubble than bread.

How much did I pay for this?

Two quid.

Get outta here.


The baker invented a way to sell air, in bread form.

This is not a loaf.

It is an oxygen container.




Divers should take down a couple of ciabatta sandwiches with them.

They would be able to breathe for a long time.

But would they would die through hunger.


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Subtle hints from the supermarkets - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Subtle hints from the supermarkets -

It's almost like my Clubcard is trying to tell me something.



Like that I am maybe a fat sod.

UPDATE:

@ThatMrStirling
Tesco can be very chilling as well: pic.twitter.com/y3wQXwrO




And this from comedian Paul Foot's facebook page
"A tragic receipt."




Got any more? Leave a comment below (by clicking here) or tweet me @neilmossey

Subtle hints from the Tesco supermarket neilmossey.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/subtle…

— Neil Mossey (@NeilMossey) June 10, 2012

UPDATE:
@Tyburn_Cross
Did once see in pound shop a sign saying "Looking to quit?" right next to bottles of lube. Wish I'd taken a pic now.


VIA @Herccrew3
Please note, Cat milk does not come from cats.




See also: Optimistic Shelf Edge Labelling)-




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