Why blogging is a bit like writing a standup routine - or Tweets for the blog - treating a blog like a standup routine

Don't usually post about what it's like putting things on this blog.

I only put things on here to have somewhere to find them again.

So there doesn't seem much point in optimising the blog (or SEO or any of those other ghastly phrases) to get more hits by search:

Getting a mass number of hits isn't that helpful or interesting as building a smaller audience, but a smaller audience who might come back more than once.

(I'm not doing this to be, say a reference work on a niche subject - just want to share work-in-progress material with an audience who might dig this kind of stuff.)

But to make the ideas better, it helps to try them out a few times.

And that's where blogging is a bit like writing standup material.

Building a 5 minute routine through gigging to tweak the wording, or break out other ideas, or join sections together. You could even push the simile further, and treat comments and @replies as heckling (or even just normal audience feedback like a laugh).

So, online, that means putting out posts more than once...

...and maybe linking them back to a single page, or grand work, that builds over time.

Here's my list I'm trying out on rotation... (that's basically all coming together here).
(Some of the links below are deliberately inactive - slowly rewriting them to the more twitter-friendly Hootsuite links which are clickable...)


5 Ways To Bust Writer's Block And You Know, All That Putting It Off Kind Of Business http://ow.ly/eha8S

8 rejected daughter names... http://ow.ly/f6Ppl

10 Ways You Know You Spend Too Much Time On Twitter http://ow.ly/ehabs

Best Awards Acceptance Speech Ever http://ow.ly/eh9ZS (tweeting this at night will give you nightmares)

Chatting up a signer for the deaf while she is a work is the hardest thing a man can do (Dad Lessons for my Kids...) http://ow.ly/f6NpY

How not to do toddler hair cuts http://ow.ly/f6QPt

Love when Dad calls to ask what web says about thing that cant be said by papers or TV.We'll never have this time again http://ow.ly/f01wN

Often find my attention span for abortion views influenced by whether they can pass a bowling ball between their legs http://ow.ly/eZZv3

People who have to sit behind David Cameron when he gives a speech http://ow.ly/fxukm (Four Blogs I havent yet started)

The fiver makes a welcome return to our local cashpoint... http://ow.ly/f6QeA

Top 3 Cbeebies ladies - someone asked me to name them http://ow.ly/fxv05



=========



And now... A Classified Ad break http://ow.ly/eh9IG (Got a local paper? Got any more of these?)

Awesome story: How did Scrappy Doo happen? http://ow.ly/ehPUF

Bad news. (Graphics) http://ow.ly/e6pW9

Because I'm a Dad... I did this... http://ow.ly/eha6l

Best action scene, ever, ever, ever... http://ow.ly/eha4l


Best Pitch Invasion... Ever http://ow.ly/ehQ6g (will never tire of this)

Blow jobs from BBC South http://ow.ly/e6pW9 (and other TV News Graphics...)

Boobs: Why they are not metric in the UK http://t.co/t2AyMTKv

Cameraman riding on a Segway, live on a Test Match pitch. What could possibly go wrong? http://ow.ly/eh9TZ

County? East of England? Suffork. http://ow.ly/eh9Q4

Dad maths. http://ow.ly/ew8NE Tightwads more like.

Engelbert Humperdinck in 1979. One of my most favourite pieces of television. http://ow.ly/ehQFf

Find my attention span for views on abortion is influenced by whether they can pass a bowling ball between their legs http://ow.ly/ehRh1

Five ways to bust writer's block and procrastination http://ow.ly/eha8S

Here is a bunch of stuff I put together because I am a Dad http://ow.ly/eha6l

How to stop people who need to steal baby milk from stealing baby milk http://ow.ly/czX8q

I tried recreating that Athena "Man with Baby" poster. That was a good idea. http://ow.ly/ew7tY

It's a dishwasher. Whatever you do, don't call it “Mummys Computer”. http://ow.ly/ewaim (Dad Lessons for my Kids)

My 3 favourite videos shot in TV control rooms... http://ow.ly/eh9or

My Favourite 100 TV Moments http://ow.ly/1dVhfE

My life according to Tesco http://ow.ly/ehRJV


Today, I am wearing my bag like Carrie from Homeland http://ow.ly/ehPH8

Words I have had to add manually to my android phone dictionary http://ow.ly/ex0pR

You cant use your mobile in a petrol station forecourt. But you can sell BBQ coal, lighter fluid & briquettes http://ow.ly/e6rgo



~~~
"Fence Behind Your Head" (...from my Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery) http://t.co/tgDpz7iV

20 ways to write webseries tweets that might get bigger responses http://dld.bz/aE5ED

All my useful places for web series creators http://ow.ly/5GNKR Enjoy! #webseries

Artist with Permanent Red on Whiteboard (a little something from our Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery)... http://ow.ly/czWqJ

Camden Council and their optimistic concrete branding http://t.co/8Ib0d7H9

Currently at the first stages of pulling together my all-time favourite 100 TV clips... List here http://dld.bz/bnxER

Daddanomics in action (Dad Lessons for my Kids) http://ow.ly/czWg2

Dance Routines of the Rich and Famous http://neilmossey.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/dance-routines-of-rich-and-famous.html

Equal amounts of food for girlfriend. Or appropriate (but unfair) portions... hmmm http://t.co/wDZJYS59

Giving away your material for free... Is it safe? Or right? http://t.co/5nssiJNf

Green Crayon Squiggles at Sofa's End http://t.co/nYchwTJy (Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery)

Here is a list of words meaning "great". Got any others? http://dld.bz/bgaRp

Here's how to put off writing just a little bit longer... 5 Ways To Bust Writer's Block And Procrastination http://dld.bz/aE5FB

Heres a link to the Official House of Lies app for ipad, android and nook - its awesome and its free http://dld.bz/bfX6k

Heres my favourite Steadicam shot... in the world... ever http://dld.bz/bgGqu Thanks to Eurovision...

Heres my list of Sat Nav phrases in songs. So far... I have two. Got any others?http://dld.bz/bh2DX

Hitler Cats who hate South West Trains monopoly. #swt http://neilmossey.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/hitler-cats-who-hate-south-west-trains.html

How much does Camden Council love clamping? http://neilmossey.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/how-much-does-camden-council-love.html

How to break a new story from scratch or crick one back into shape http://dld.bz/aE5FV

How to live your life with Tina Fey's Improv Rules http://dld.bz/aE5Hn

How to tell your audience that your web series isnt real life? http://ow.ly/5Nqat The Ludic Marker. #webseries

I know this question is worded weird, but what is your Stars In Their Eyes? http://dld.bz/bgGqB

i think i bought a pair of directors trainers http://t.co/28FgBKho

I want to live with the Cbeebies presenters. They can afford to do potato prints on an Orla Kiely tablecloth. http://t.co/gTj30yEv

I was born tomorrow, today i live, yesterday killed me http://t.co/xKjZpVSh

I'm in a long-term relationship. We've gone through three loo seats. http://dld.bz/bgaQU

Is it right the Man leads on all Eldery Crossing signs, like here? http://t.co/18sRCWfo

Jingles on local radio stations. What do the singers look like? http://neilmossey.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/radio-jingle-night.html

Love that breasts are measured in inches. Not yards or metric http://t.co/t2AyMTKv

Love this - Complete list of every kind of story or plot... http://ow.ly/1bXfjQ

Managed to put some of my amazing world-changing ideas into one place http://neilmossey.blogspot.com/p/dad-lessons-for-my-kids.html#ideas

Me VS. Lang Lang's Dad http://neilmossey.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/rawdadstuff-me-vs-lang-langs-dad.html

Men. Admit it. Using GPS is essentially asking for directions. http://t.co/mTyr2BOO

Metric boobs. Why we don't have them in the UK. http://ow.ly/eh9wM

Mitch Hedberg: comedian shrine http://t.co/gC81S6oU

My 10 favourite bits of the web that get a bigger response than the creator planned... http://ow.ly/cwSJi

My 2 year old loves recognising both Brian May & Andrew Marr on the telly. I feel a KILLER cbeebies pitch coming on! http://t.co/gTj30yEv

My Derren Brown stunt on the train http://neilmossey.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/my-derren-brown-stunt-on-train.html

My favourite comedian http://neilmossey.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/all-time-fave-tv-9-mitch-hedberg.html

My top 10 upsides of recovering from a Boris Bike crash http://neilmossey.blogspot.co.uk/2011/12/top-10-upsides-of-recovering-from.html

My top 5 favourite Seth Godin posts... http://t.co/ihrcePWv

New product ideas: NIKEA. Shoes you put together yourself. http://t.co/7C6Gb4du

One of my favourite TV characters: Ron Swanson from Parks and Recreation... http://ow.ly/cwMn7

One of the most famous men in the world. http://t.co/Zes7Ox8A Davis Beckham.

Other questions I have as a Dad... http://neilmossey.blogspot.com/p/dad-lessons-for-my-kids.html#questions

Other things Sid James might have laughed at, if he had still been alive when they happened http://t.co/ZJ52YEjN

Our 8 rejected daughter names... http://ow.ly/cwOpk

Perfectly Smooth Mash ("as used by professional chefs") http://t.co/HQWTgyez

Pipkins. Am I the only one with this scorched in my brain? http://t.co/utR3vR8h

Playground Insult Update... (from The RDA) http://youtu.be/W9DWpHFUNM0?t=8m53s

Put all my favourite free places on the web into one place http://dld.bz/bfX6w If only to have somewhere to find them

QR Codes That Suck... The blog. http://ow.ly/czXpP

Quick way to generate character names for your webseries http://t.co/FN6Tak8l

Radio jingle night http://t.co/N4ty3W9q

Recreating that Athena Poster... http://ow.ly/czW7q

Sat Nav phrases in songs. http://neilmossey.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/new-list-sat-nav-phrases-in-songs-got.html Got any others?

She's groping his bum. It says Elderly People crossing, but she is groping his bum. http://t.co/18sRCWfo

Shield your face from perfume... http://t.co/BDSbjMLe

Sick Mum poetry http://t.co/aCPIxmn7

Some bits of social media that aint that great... http://ow.ly/cwNL7

Some Xmas gift ideas I got from my junk mail last year... http://dld.bz/bgGpG

Someone cuts you up? Tailgating? Want to send them a message? http://t.co/1hMjNdNN

Still my favourite blog. http://ovd.tumblr.com It's like a magic eye poster.

Subtle hints from the Tesco supermarket http://t.co/LKUwUx0t

Tampax getting us ready for 2012... http://t.co/utuPWsmD

Technically... Guess this is where baby powder is meant to go? http://dld.bz/aE5Gr

Thanks for all your help with the family name for Girls Bits - the full list so far is here http://t.co/OPTRepF7

The difference between Copyright and Copyleft http://ow.ly/5wt35 -best video Ive seen on webseries funding #sopa


The House of Lies app is AWESOME. Im biased. http://dld.bz/aGHWc But its free. #houseoflies

The Ludic Marker - Its the thing that tells your audience that your web series isnt real life: http://ow.ly/5Nqat #webseries

The most compelling and disturbing cartoon I have ever seen http://t.co/8PKhcklw

These are all my Dad fashion tips. Right here. http://t.co/VYzOwXWu

This is how I answer the phone http://dld.bz/aE5MG

This is what it's like being a Dad http://neilmossey.blogspot.com/p/dad-lessons-for-my-kids.html

Time for a Classified Ad Break... http://ow.ly/czVPu

Today I am wearing my bag like Carrie from Homeland http://t.co/ueVNrbq3

Tour De France - my fave clips: http://t.co/0N0hgWUD

Transform your hobs! (note: remove before using hob) http://t.co/vIhCd1gb

Tried to come up with a complete list of brand new band names http://dld.bz/aE5Ks

Turns out those fish that nibble at your feet are USELESS on beer guts http://t.co/BJp5NkFO

Turns out watching Rastamouse with my son doesn't count as raising him bilingual. http://t.co/gTj30yEv

Want to hear the worst/best script note I ever received? http://dld.bz/aE5GY

What do you think: It all looks innocent, but that woman is clearly groping his bum... http://t.co/18sRCWfo

What else could Camden Council clamp? http://neilmossey.blogspot.co.uk/2011/10/how-much-does-camden-council-love.html

What it's like being a Dad http://dld.bz/aGHMV

What its like trying to write new material http://t.co/8Ib0d7H9

What its like writing on an ipad app for a tv series http://dld.bz/aGHWc

What those radio jingle singers really look like... http://t.co/N4ty3W9q

What was it like when your ITV region ruled the world? http://neilmossey.blogspot.co.uk/2011/11/what-was-it-like-when-itv-regions-ruled.html

Whats the etiquette in paying for takeaways for hosts? When you visit "for dinner" but then expected to split the bill? http://dld.bz/bfX9n

When TV graphics go bad... http://t.co/Zes7Ox8A

Who is the real millionaire... http://t.co/aDX3yR3A

Why dont we have Metric Boobs in the UK? http://neilmossey.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/why-dont-we-have-metric-boobs-in-uk.html

Why YouTube vids view counts freeze at 301... http://t.co/25OqCTjh

Working on a "social media strategy"? Take a break: http://t.co/ihrcePWv

You cant use your mobile on petrol station forecourt. But you can sell BBQ coal, lighter fluid & firestarter briquettes http://t.co/qBod8ieI


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The RDA with John Gordillo - S1E02PT1

The second episode of The Recommended Daily Allowance on BBC Choice, 4th July 2000

The RDA with John Gordillo - S1E02PT1


0:00 No studio audience, so legitimate ticket holding members of the audience invited down onto the stage. BBC Staff left on the stage. Countdown to record.
1:42 Title sequence - "show smaller than actual size"
2:12 "I accept your nomination! Four more years!", 5th Anniversary of "Independence Day", David Beckham and Victoria Beckham celebrate first anniversary, Cancer lottery, John Gordillo lookalike contest in Russia,
4:20 Recruitment Ad for Social Workers with weird photo
4:53 Mission Impossible 2 (M:I-2) - the controversy: John Woo, Dougray Scott, Ving Rames
6:33 The Happy Palestinian
7:20 Cabinet Ministers cut to the music of Vangellis. Tonight, the many faces of David Blunkett MP
8:10 Tonight's guest - Howard Hodgson

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FRIDAY NIGHT TODDLER ART GALLERY - Sofa Light Comms

#13 - Sofa Light Comms






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<--- PREVIOUS: Blogs I haven't yet started - LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

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Blogs I haven't yet started - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

Blogs I haven't yet started - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

Here are a bunch of ideas for blogs that I haven't started.

If you have any submissions for these, I would LOVE to see your pictures!
(click on comments below)


#1
Rastamouse Subtitles of the Day



If you haven't seen the subtitling of Rastamouse, you're missing one of the most delightful things on TV.





















Irie, man!


Me really sorry me cause
all this hoo-ha, Rastamouse.

#2
Clayder-man Or Lang-Lang-man

Here's a bit of piano playing.

Using your skill and judgement, can you tell if it's (Richard) Clayderman, or (Lang Lang) Lang-Lang-man.


#3
Stuff that is on my stairs




#4
People who have to sit behind David Cameron when he gives a speech

(Source)


How do you get a ticket for that gig?




Is it like the Olympics?

(Source)


I think that they are all just using him to recreate that Bullingdon Club photo.

(Source)



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Songs I haven't written - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

Songs I Haven't Yet Written - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS



#1
"If the Daily Mail were a person, even I might slap them round the face."

I've got "petulant post-event finger-pointers" and "hounding cancer-girl Jade", but having a bit of trouble rhyming "judgemental" with "not helpful".

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Mystery Science Theater 3000 - my #18 fave TV

Another one for my list of 100 favourite TV clips (full list here)


#18 MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000

All this is - and it's simple - 3 characters sit in front of you, in front of a bad old B movie, and talk all the way through the film.

That's it.

In real time.

MST3k 409 - The Indestructible Man



MST3K - 408 - Hercules Unchained



MS­T­3­K - 501 - W­arr­ior of the Los­t W­orld





#19 clip might appear here -->

<-- #17 Space Ghost, Coast-To-Coast


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Lazy Journalism, Bein' Freelance & Your own soapbox - More favorite Seth Godins

Added 3 more articles to my list of favourite Seth Godin Posts...



Soapbox and the City

The soapbox is the newspaper with subscribers, the Twitter account with followers, the blog with readers. A soapbox cannot ever scale to be like the city, because given the chance, the mob, attracted by the attention that comes with the soapbox, will grab the microphone and create nothing but noise. Open mic night is an interesting concept, but it never sells out Madison Square Garden.

Your soapbox might be the reputation you have in the comments section of a favorite blog, or your page on a social networking site. It might be those that listen to you in the conference room of your organization. But it's yours.

Full "Soapbox and the City" blog post here


The New Lazy Journalism

How many times have I read the story about Louis CK in the last week? Did I need a newspaper to write precisely the same story days after I read it for the first time? How much do we care about the race for 'first' when first is now measured in seconds or perhaps minutes?

We don't need paid professionals to do retweeting for us. They're slicing up the attention pie thinner and thinner, giving us retreaded rehashes of warmed over news, all hoping for a bit of attention because the issue is trending. We can leave that to the unpaid, I think.

Full "The New Lazy Journalism" article here


If you want to get paid for your freelance work

...then access to tools is no longer sufficient. Everyone you compete with has access to a camera, a keyboard, a guitar. Just because you know how to use a piece of software or a device doesn't mean that there isn't an amateur who's willing to do it for free, or an up and comer who's willing to do it for less.

...then saying "how dare you" is no longer a useful way to cajole the bride away from asking her friend to take pictures at the wedding, or the local non-profit to have a supporter typeset the gala's flyer or to keep a rock star from inviting volunteers on stage.

Click here for Seth's full blog post on "If you want to get paid for your freelance work"

Or...
Click here for all my favourite Seth Godin posts


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DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - A look at the morning newspapers

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Let's look at the morning papers

Life in 2012:
Newspaper reviews on TV news channels.
We have a thing at the moment, where people look at what's in the "newspapers", on "24-hour-rolling-news" channels.



The funny thing is, the events were all covered (better) on the "24-hour-rolling-news-channel" over a day ago.

They've got, probably, in any given hour, 4 to 6 live satellite news gathering trucks.
Actually at the location of "news" that's happening right now.
And then they straighten their backs, and smile, and say "time for us to take a look at the morning papers..."

I paid my licence fee. I paid my subscription.
Let's not look at the morning papers...
Let's look at... I don't know... the morning.
You've got the live feeds coming in to you right now.
Over there.

But you're pointing your live cameras, at the paper.
On an article you covered yourselves.
Yesterday.

Maybe they just want to take a break.

Maybe they are 23 hour 56 minute TV Rolling News channels.




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Sally Gray on The RDA with John Gordillo S1E01PT4

The RDA with John Gordillo S1E01PT4
Final part of the first ep of The Recommended Daily Allowance on BBC Choice, 3rd July 2000



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FRIDAY NIGHT TODDLER ART GALLERY - Red Green Blue Hallway You

Welcome to the twelth Friday night opening of our gallery of Toddler Art.

Basically, our kids destroying the house, one installation at a time, while we're not looking.

It all started with “Sprinkles”



Then came Green Crayon Squiggles at Sofa's End, "Fence Behind Your Head", "Artist with Permanent Red on Whiteboard", "Freedom Corner", "Pencil Food", "Pencil Food Oh", "Two Lines from my Doctor's Desk", "Lines Behind the Dining", "Telephone Line", and last week Hand Traffic Brown.



This week it's...

#12 - Red Green Blue Hallway You



Artist with "Red Green Blue Hallway You"



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DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Sorry I hit your car note

Life in 2012:

Someone hit the car while parked. And left a note with contact number.

It all checked out, and their company paid via insurance.

This is rare. Like an eclipse.



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Dad Lessons For My Kids - Fella

Dad Lessons For My Kids - Fella

Life in 2012:
I bought my new season ticket on the train last night - on the day before the next one is due. I like doing this after I found that South West Trains staff get a commission on each one they sell.

It's a company with a monopoly that's free to increase its fares above inflation - so I like to help out its staff who probably take the abuse of people who are trapped by the monopoly and can't take their business anywhere else.



This morning, there were a couple of revenue control guards working through the train instead of the regular guard.

I smiled, handed over my wallet. Even gave a "morning".
What do I want, a medal?

"It's the 19th today fella."

Now, I'm sleep deprived, I've already bought a ticket, and I've got someone giving me body language by standing over me and calling me "fella".

Again, what do I want? A medal?

But "fella"?

Maybe he's being friendly and defusing the potentially embarrassing situation (for me) with an overly familiar "fella".

In that moment, sleep-deprived and processing it, I repeated back the "Fella" as I pulled out the right ticket to show him.

His body language changed, and he offered to take the old one away for me. It was a weird offer that was unnecessarily contrite.

It meant the "fella" was meant as an aggressive poke.

I'm 40, I've got tits, two kids and a mortgage.

I don't need to be called "fella".


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Alcoholism - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

- Alcoholism -




Alcoholism is a cruel word.

It makes you sound drunk when you say it.


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DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - The stairs

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - The stairs



Life in 2012

What's to go upstairs:
reindeer,
why can't elephants jump book,
mitten,
deicer.

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London Mayoral Inauguration 2000 on The RDA with John Gordillo S1E01PT3

The RDA with John Gordillo S1E01PT3
Part three of the first ep of The Recommended Daily Allowance on BBC Choice, 3rd July 2000



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FRIDAY NIGHT TODDLER ART - Hand Traffic Brown

Welcome to the eleventh Friday night opening of our gallery of Toddler Art.

Basically, our kids destroying the house, one installation at a time, while we're not looking.

It all started with “Sprinkles”



Then came Green Crayon Squiggles at Sofa's End, "Fence Behind Your Head", "Artist with Permanent Red on Whiteboard", "Freedom Corner", "Pencil Food", "Pencil Food Oh", "Two Lines from my Doctor's Desk", "Lines Behind the Dining", and last week "Telephone Line"



This week it's...

#11 - Hand Traffic Brown



Unknown brown substance on B&Q Value White Matt emulsion

Rather than executed in one sitting, The Artists have chosen to build this work over time.

Next week: “Red Green Blue Hallway You”.

All of the works in the Toddler Art Gallery are here.


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Watches - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Watches -



Look as many times as you want.

Mechanical dates on watches will never, ever, ever be correct.


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Watching The News songs - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Watching The News songs

When you're older, can you forgive your Dad for breaking into the tune
of KLF every time the news mentions the IMF?






Or Chaka Khan every time it mentions Dominique Strauss-Kahn





And the repeats, when they flip midstory.

Thanks



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Space Ghost, Coast-To-Coast - Fave TV #17

Another one for my list of 100 favourite TV clips (full list here)


#17 SPACE GHOST COAST TO COAST

I love this - and think the story goes like this.

Hannah Barbera had a real superhero animation character called SPACE GHOST in the 1960's.

In the 1990's he was revived as a washed up superhero who has his own talkshow... with a production team staffed by his former nemesis (or Nemeses) Zorak as house band leader, and Moltar his studio director.

Beyond that, it's difficult to explain without just the clips.

Here he is with Slash from Guns 'N' Roses

[adult swim] video - Space Ghost: Coast to Coast


Space Ghost Coast to Coast: Willie Nelson, part 3


Here he is with Moby...

Nobody Cares Moby!



It plays around the world. Here's a spanish clip of the aftermath of Zorak eating his cousin Raymond.
Raymond, Un amigo muy especial



Here's a Q&Q panel with the team behind Coast to Coast

"Space Ghost: Coast To Coast" reunion panel (Part 1 of 8) - Live at Cinefamily




Mystery Science Theater 3000 -->

<-- #16 The Adverts


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Motorway Theatre - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Motorway Theatre -

When driving on the motorway, don't you ever wonder if the skid marks there
ended successfully?

Love mood of motorway after passing a crash.

People are slower, courteous.

Then new cars join aggressively, and we're all like “don't you know
what we've just been through”?


“Rubbernecking” is such an ugly term.

“Motorway Theatre” is more like it.


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Words I have had to add manually to my android phone dictionary - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Words I have had to add manually to my android phone dictionary

Life in 2012:
Why can't you type simple words like "at" and "go" into the HTC android keyboard and have them come up as predictive text?

I don't know. But here's some other words I've had to add to the phone's in-built dictionary myself.

abc
Alfie
Alister
apols
arse
ballache
Baz
Bermondsey
bigging
bitch
Blimey (no idea why I gave it a capital B)
Bohemian
bostin
BS (for the BS generator here)
BT
Caz
ciabatta (this is just a made up bread in the UK, right?)
Citv
Clerkenwell
dibs (as in "first"?)
docs
due
dull
Ealing
eol (toddler loves ELO and can't get the letters out quick enough)
EOP (end of part, or end of play)
ep
Euston
fanks
Farringdon
finagles
flakiness
fone
funnily (is this a quaint UK local word?)
gfx
gruffalo
gurned (okay, this is a quaint UK sport)
halfords
headsup (I know. Even close friends hate this noun.)
Hedz
Herne (as in Bay)
housebound
HQ
humax
jammie (as in dodger)
Jess
jubilee
knackered
mayday
Magnum (a key component of my regular food intake)
nads
Neasden
nobbing (I know that Android has purged all swearing... but nobbing?!)
numtums
PPS
qus
RDA
rejigging
rhapsody (see Bohemian)
RT
sesh (alright, I hate myself now)
swt
tea (yes, tea. This phone was not made for the UK)
texted (is that not a word that exists?)
tube (had to check this twice. There's tuber, but no tube in Android language)


ungry (think this was from writing my Pipkins tribute post...)
webseries
woah
ydy (so much friendlier than yesterday)
zonked


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The RDA with John Gordillo S1E01PT2

The RDA with John Gordillo S1E01PT2
Part two of the first ep of The Recommended Daily Allowance



Live 2-way with BBC Political Correspondent Jo Coburn at the GLA London Mayoral Inauguration Party
How the show is billed in the Radio Times
Production Runner gets degree result live on the show

Click here for full show and series

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FRIDAY NIGHT TODDLER ART GALLERY - Telephone Line

Welcome to the tenth Friday night opening of our gallery of Toddler Art.

Basically, our kids destroying the house, one installation at a time, while we're not looking.

It all started with “Sprinkles”



Then came Green Crayon Squiggles at Sofa's End, "Fence Behind Your Head", "Artist with Permanent Red on Whiteboard", "Freedom Corner", "Pencil Food", "Pencil Food Oh", "Two Lines from my Doctor's Desk", and last week "Lines Behind The Dining".



This week it's...

#10 - Telephone Line




Blue Crayola Crayon on Crown Pure Brilliant White Premium Matt emulsion for interior walls & ceilings

This is one of the many works by The Artists which could be put in their category of "Blink and you'll miss it".

And maybe that is the point of this work.

Maybe it's a play on the concept of grass roots communication. A simple line next to a landline socket that no longer works. A termination point.
And we'll only see it if we're looking for it.

Who knows how many more of these we'll find around the house.


Next week: “Hand Traffic Brown”.

All of the works in the Toddler Art Gallery are here.


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Google is optimistic - LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Google is optimistic



Life in 2012:

Google is an optimist.

It says my account is 8% full,

rather than 92% empty.


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DAD IDEAS - Street SAD Lamps

DAD IDEAS- Street SAD Lamps -

Why don’t we put those Seasonal Affective Disorder bulbs into street lampposts?

- cheer everyone up - reduce crime.


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The Voice spinning chairs done by Derek Batey - LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

Much is made of the 'spinning chairs' device on The Voice, and The Voice UK,

but they were in fact pioneered by British television visionary Derek Batey in the 1970's.



His Border Television daytime chatshow "Look Who's Talking" had a title sequence that ended with a reveal of the "Look Who's Talking Logo" printed on the back of his revolving seat.

He would then shuffle his chair round to turn to camera and start the show.

Could find nothing of this TV milestone online, but you get a tantalising glimpse of the chairs themselves here

PAT PHOENIX INTERVIEW


and here...

BARBARA WINDSOR INTERVIEW



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Setting the clock on a Lamona oven - UNDERSTANDING YOUR BRITISH DAD #BRITISHDAD

- Setting the clock on a Lamona oven -



Here’s how to change the clock on a Lamona oven.

Hold down the first two buttons on the left,

then keep holding those 2 buttons down while you use the + or - buttons to set the time.

Here's a badly shot video!



It's not funny and by the time you see this, it’s probably not much use to you either.

But at least I know where I can find the answer now.


I get at least 10 hits per day from people searching for this.
You must all have Howdens Kitchens.

Also - don't think the Lamona oven works until the clock has been set...

Leave me a comment if it helped!
Click here or on comments below - THANKS
-- this is an old post now, so I have to approve each comment, which sometimes takes a day --- sorry about that - it looks like your comment didn't get through.
I do get all your comments though, and I do approve them, just didn't want you to think they're being ignored.

By the way, I blog here most days, all about - Understanding Your British Dad. (there's no manual for that, either).

Middle Class Injuries - LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

- Middle Class Injuries -



I once took a Friday night wine glass injury to the Royal Free Hospital in Hampstead, London.

They are geared up for Middle Class Accident and Emergencies.

It was a busy night.

My stitches had to wait for a man who had sliced his hand on a parmesan grater.

True story.

(Untrue Middle Class injuries include...
slow suicide attempts in aga ovens,
kids with fondue pots on their heads,
olive oil overdoses,
and head injuries from standing up too quickly in the LandRover)


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