Sunday, 5 July 2015

How I punish my son. With the Tour De France.



My son was misbehaving at bedtime.

So I punished him by making him watch an Individual Time Trial stage of the Tour De France.

The real-time coverage, not the edited highlights.

Poor thing. Barely kept his eyes open.

Here's some of my favourite Tour De France clips from over the years, all in a handy post...


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Writing more powerful drama and comedy... by combining Sacred and Profane...


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Monday, 29 June 2015

Writing more powerful drama and comedy... by combining Sacred and Profane...



It's a rock (natural = Sacred) with an LED light embedded in it (technology = Profane)

Or... is it light (Sacred) coming from a hard rocky surface (Profane)

When I'm not window-shopping for pointless garden ornaments in Robert Dyas, I'm adding to my big list of the Sacred and Profane.

There's a theory that if you combine these two extremes, you might get more powerful drama or funnier comedy.
(Or... more compelling lawn furniture).



Waterfall
Children's ward
Princess
Magic Wand
Fairies
Interests of the group
Choir
Floral tribute
Home-made
Juice


Bars
Heavy machinery
Fluorescent
Tumour
Alarm
Alloy
Face mask
Napalm
Booze
Plastic

The big fat list of Sacred and Profanes is here

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Grab Bags and Value Statements, some more crappy phrases thrown at me this week. Enjoy!


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Wednesday, 17 June 2015

Grab Bags and Value Statements, some more crappy phrases thrown at me this week. Enjoy! #TightwadDad



Walkers Crisps have "grab bags".
They look exactly like a packet of crisps.

But they're not.
It's a "grab bag".



(Maybe it's to make it sound really active.
Though, looking at how many crisps are in there,
guess "packet" isn't exactly the right collective noun.)



Then Virgin Media sent me a "Value Statement".

Not a statement, but a "Value Statement".

Maybe the marketing agency that came up with Virgin Media's Value Statement,
risks coming off as a complete "Value Grab Bag".

See also:
PEACE OF MIND (the collection of pieces of peace of mind, sent to me by companies)

All my ADVENTURES OF A TIGHTWAD DAD here

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Dads with action cameras (but no action to point them at) - THE WASHING UP


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Sunday, 14 June 2015

Sacred and Profane... putting together two wrong script ideas for something too right. Or to write.



Sacred and Profane.
A theory that sometimes helps with writing new ideas - you put two extremes together to make something with more impact.

Like bunging Slash from Guns and Roses, playing a heavy metal solo... on an electric guitar (profane, profane, profane)
Outside... beside a Church... on a mountain top (sacred, sacred, sacred).



In tune
Chicks
Medicine
Opera House
Vets
World Championships
Olympics
School Trip
Harvest
Baby items


Pepper-spray
Loudspeakers/Megaphone
Murder
Cockroaches
Motorway
Self-interest
Grotesque
Bricks
Dissolution
Out of tune

So from the 10 this week... Killer chicks... Baby toys made of bricks... Olympic Pepper-Spraying finals...

But the big fat list of Sacred and Profanes is coming together right here


Previous post...
Dads with action cameras, and what they film when they have no action to point them at.


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Monday, 8 June 2015

You can't have a fight in a 9pm British TV Drama without it going up against a bookcase...



You know when you are in a 9pm British TV Drama...

...because you can't have a fight indoors without it ending up against the nearest bookcase.

(It's Sacred and Profane - there's a load of them here)

And everyone else who is on your side is also wearing exactly the same accent colour (which for some reason is usually purple).



All my Dad Stuff For My Kids is here

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My rant at a really dangerous street in Kings Cross London N1C


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Friday, 5 June 2015

My rant at a really dangerous street in Kings Cross London N1C

This isn't a very funny post - I'm trying to use my blog to get a message through to Camden Council that their pavement in Kings Cross isn't safe.

On the upside, it's a starting point for the next thing I really want to write:



"My Mum: The Best Bedblocker in London"
(R.I.P)


But that's a whole other story.


Dear Sir/Madam

I didn't receive an acknowledgement that you received my email yesterday about the dangerous kerb ramp onto the temporary zebra crossing in Handyside Street N1C Kings Cross yesterday (cc'd below for reference), and so I am forwarding some more photographs of the street to emphasise the danger the pavement on the North side presents.

This embarrassing video I made explains everything:




The kerb ramp should not be used as an access point to the road - the drop is far too steep.

It drops over 20cm across 65cm - a 1 in 3 drop - which is lethal for a wheelchair.

We know, because our Mum broke both her legs on it in August 2013.
(And passed away, in pain, 3 months later).

Here is a walkthrough to show you why:



VIDEO - This is where my Mum's wheelchair accident happened in August 2013.
Beaconsfield Street ends in the dangerous steep kerb ramp into the road.
This is where her wheelchair tumbled into the road and she broke both her legs, in several places.

The dangerous pavement was then (after her accident, unfortunately) protected by barriers and a zebra crossing further away from the dangerous kerb.





PICTURE - Handyside Street dangerous kerb ramp protected by barrier and a new proper zebra crossing (July 2014)


Then, sadly, the barriers were removed, leaving the pavement with the ramp acting as a dangerous camber in the pavement



PICTURE - Handyside Street N1C without barrier and with adverse camber on pavement


And it got worse when the pedestrian street Beaconsfield Street N1C was closed too.




And then yesterday, even worse, the temporary zebra crossing, now uses the dangerous kerb as an access point to the zebra crossing.



PICTURE - Handyside Street N1C Dangerous kerb today



VIDEO - Handyside Street N1C dangerous pavement ramp and zebra crossing


I don't know how I can make it any clearer that the ramp caused a terrible accident in August 2013, and is now in play again in June 2015.


Any chance you could possibly:
a. do something about it.
b. please reply to me so that we can discuss what happened in August 2013 with the Council.

Yours

Neil Mossey


On 4 June 2015 at 14:43,

Dear Camden Council

There has been a dangerous kerb ramp in Handyside Street N1C since early 2013.

It was mitigated by a barrier and a nearby new zebra crossing in Autumn 2013 soon after a terrible wheelchair accident suffered by my Mum on the kerb ramp in August 2013 (which I'll try to detail below).

But now that has been removed so the ramp is ungarded, and this afternoon a temporary zebra crossing has been placed from the ramp during the building work there.

This ramp is deadly to wheelchairs.

This is a dangerous road crossing.

I attach photos and a video link - but my fear is that this ramp poses a life-threatening risk right now on Handyside Street N1C today.

Video Link:
https://youtu.be/WPv2B9CFx_g

The photographs don't show the problem very well, but the drop of the ramp is very very steep. I've attached a photo showing the side from April 2015.

The pavement drops 20cm over 65cm - its about a 1 in 3 drop.

The street signs and N1C postcode indicate this is in the Camden borough,

but I would be grateful if you could let me know if this part of pavement (the North side of Handyside Street between York Way and Stable Street) is owned and maintained by Camden Council or the Kings Cross Development organisation?

Background:
On August 10th 2013, my mum's wheelchair toppled forward, down the very steep kerb drop and breaking both her legs in several places (she was wheelchair bound with MS). A LAS ambulance and paramedic bike attended the scene, and took her to UCH A&E Department.

She died in UCH 3 months later - her body sadly couldn't take the accident.

We would be very grateful if you could acknowledge receipt of this urgent complaint, and direct us to who we can contact to find out who is responsible for this kerb - is it Camden Council?

We would like to put this pavement complaint and accident report on the record and consider this as informing you this situation has existed for two years despite the huge building work taking place.

Many thanks

NEIL MOSSEY

--------------------------

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Friday, 29 May 2015

How to write a more powerful idea by combining something sacred with something profane... big list here



An accoustic song (Sacred) to a dad (family love = Sacred)
about a JCB construction digger (Profane).

The JCB Song


There's a theory that you can get more powerful ideas if you combine something sacred with something profane.

Every week around this time, I'm adding to that big list on the link below.

Here's this week's ten Sacreds and Profanes...



Ancient Latin/Greek
Affection
Flame
Old Trees
Viola
Fountain pens/Quills
Grand Canyon
Perfect Meringue
Seeds and berries
Playful flirting


Construction site
Electric Guitar
Illuminated hoardings
Chernobyl
Land mines
Nightclubs
Pigeons
Cheating
Dirt Bikes
Pollution


The full list of Sacred and Profane is right here


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My Life in 100 Objects. #2 My Bolognese Top


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