How to say news of death to children

This was a long time ago, we're all okay now thanks. But what happens if you have to break the news of a death to a toddler or young child? Where do you even start?

Sharing this in case you're searching for something like this - if you are we're really sorry to hear that. How do you break the news of a death of a grandparent or relative to a toddler or young kid?

Not saying this is the best parenting advice, but sharing this if it helps as a starting place for what you want to include or exclude.

"You know that Nanny's been very poorly and that she can't be mended. 

Well, I'm sorry that last night she died. 

It’s very sad. 

We're all going to feel very sad for a while... 

because we won't see her again.

But she loves us very much.

And we can talk some more about this any time you want."

How we told our child about a grandparent's death



TRANSCRIPT: (CLICK PLAY ON THE VIDEO ABOVE)

THIS IS THE TRANSCRIPT - CLICK PLAY ON THE VIDEO ABOVE!

Hello, I'm Neil. And if you have a grandparent who has passed on, firstly, I'm so sorry that you're in that situation and that you might be looking up videos like this. And secondly, I'm sorry if you are looking into how to break that news to a child or young child, or even a toddler. I'm not a child psychiatrist or a Child Development expert. I'm just a parent that's gone through this, and I thought that it might be helpful to share what we did, rightly or wrongly, in case it helps you to come up with what you're going to say to your kids. 

We didn't know how to tell our kids, who were two and four at the time, that Nanny, my mother, had died. She had secondary progressive MS, so they saw that she was frail and often in the hospital. When she left us, we had no idea what to tell our kids. So we planned out something to say to them. Well, it was mostly my brilliant wife who wrote this and ran it past me, and I thought it was perfect, and we will share it with you. It's very short.

Just before I do, let me tell you a bit about the thinking behind this paragraph, which is also down below in the description. We wanted it to be short. We didn't want to talk about some kind of made-up fairy tale. We thought an elaborate story about heaven would probably more likely confuse our kids, and then it would create even more questions for them, questions where we would have to make up even more stuff. This was just to break the news and let them know that it happened and Nanny had passed away, so that any longer discussion about the meaning of life that could happen separately, but we needed to break the news first. We also wanted it to be matter of fact so that they could process it in their own time. And obviously, we would give them a big hug. 

There's no good way of saying this and a lot of bad ways of saying it. This is what we chose, for good or bad, and I'm hoping that it helps someone somewhere sometime. This is what we told them: 'You know that Nanny's being very poorly and that she can't be mended. Well, I'm sorry, but last night she died. It's very sad. We're all going to feel very sad for a while because we won't see her again. But she loves us very much, and we can talk some more about this anytime you want.' 

And then we gave them a hug.

It was deliberate that we talked about her loving us in the present tense, to keep her with us. When we dropped this news we didn't know how they would react. They were silent, totally silent. And then they gave us a big hug, which is probably what we needed. 

Please feel free to adapt or change or completely ignore this approach to find your right way of telling the kids that a grandparent has died. And if this does help, thanks for letting us know with a comment or a thumbs up. And here are some happier videos about being a dad.

Previous post...
How to remove Biro from fabric armchair or sofa

All about me, and getting these by email.