So this is the next round for my British Dad Stuff Gameshow:
Fishing things out that have been jammed behind the radiators...
with only a single strip of Hot Wheels™ track.
Had a bit of a problem developing this round.
We threw out a load of the plastic stuff on the last plastic purge
- there should be a national holiday for that, with it's own character.
(He's going to be called the "Night-time Midnight Plastic, Crap Toy Bin Bag Man".
I've written a song and everything)
Anyway, got the son to film the pilot and might post the video to share the road test.
Tip: The trick with this round is that you spend 5 minutes with a single track before working out that you need a section bit of track to pincer and scissor out the toys from the bottom up, to get the bulkier ones like Big Jigs™ train carriages round the skirting...
There's a theory that when you combined the SACRED with the PROFANE,
...you end up with art (actual art, or drama, or comedy, or music) that's a little bit more powerful.
Every Friday I add to the list, and this is literally my very last bunch of "Sacreds" I could scrape together...
(I've got another 21 profanes...
can anyone help out with some more sacreds to take this up to Christmas???)
Shot this video below last year, and using it as an intro to Part 3 of Nan talking about life in Wartime London (and Brighton and Bournemouth, where she was stationed).
This video includes:
0:00 On buying a wedding ring in wartime Bournemouth
1:10 Waching the doodlebugs (flying bombs) from her maternity hospital bed flying across Shepherd's Bush
2:00 More on working for the Royal Australian Air Force as a WAAF.
3:50 On planning for a wartime wedding in Ealing
6:00 Everyday sexism from a British RAF sergeant
6:30 Kath's engagement in 1942
22:14 So you were sent to Brighton, when you go to Brighton, do you know for how long it's going to be?
No. I didn't know that. No. 'Cos it's was Bournemouth, I didn't know how long we were gonna be at Bournemouth. 'Cos I bought my wedding ring there. It was a jewellers along there. And I could only get platinum.
22:38 So when you went to Brighton, you were still coming home to London?
That's right, I didn't get home so quick from Bournemouth. I can't remember how long we were in Bournemouth. If your Dad were here, if Grandad were here, he'd know.
22:56
It's funny I can blot out things. I do blot out things. And some things you know really clearly. Yes, I can see it. But other things I can blot out and forget it completely.
23:10 So when you're in Brighton, you're working on the seafront, basically?
Yes, in the Metropole. And was it odd, did you see planes flying over?
No, no.
23:24
It was worse when I got back and had your Dad.
I was in Queen Charlotte's (Stamford Brook August 1944) and we could watch the Doodlebugs going across, you know, with all the flame outside the back of it.
We knew it was going to drop it somewhere.
Didn't have anything like that at (Brighton) - we had barbed wire across the front, of course, but nothing else...
23:57 I wanted to ask again about... because dad's quite hazy about... the later years of the war... but um, so basically it sounds like quite an office job?
Office work, that's right.
Typing the same as I'd been doing.
Stencilling for the officers, for the Australian Officers.
Some had died, you know and some had got illness, it was all on there.
24:30 So all the information would come into Brighton, and it would be typed up and would go off to different records?
I suppose it would. I don't know where we put them.
We had a sergeant in charge of us. Was that a WAAF sergeant?
No, it was a man sargeant. Was he Australian? No he was English. That's funny, isn't it... It feels odd that all the British organised their admin.
25:00
This girl, Georgina, she did their laundry. She patches the Australian's laundry that needed to go out. So were the Australians in Brighton?
Yes they were actually in the hotel, in the rest of the hotel. The Metropole. Were they just the officers?
No, not only the officers. Other airmen as well. I think there were flyers...
25.35 And this was their base, and then they'd send them off to an airfield?
They must do... send them to an airfield yes. We'd have some fun with those. They'd come in the office, you know... They must've been really far from home. Yes, they were, weren't they.
25.55 So you said you had a couple of friends. One of them did the laundry.
Yes, I can't remember what Anne did now... it was the other girl. She lived in Southampton. She recommended the woman where we went to, like a B&B in Torquay for our honeymoon. And she'd recommended it.
I think she came to our wedding... When you think really, they're quite selfish, aren't you. Because I think my Dad saw to her. I'm sure he did. I don't know whether she stayed the night at home. My Dad was... I didn't even ask how much you know, the cost of the wedding or anything. I've looked back and thought, "how selfish I must've been". That's the whole point of a wedding. "I'm spoilt" as my sister would say. That's the whole point isn't it, it's supposed to be a family event for the bride. I think Carolyn did more, didn't she. And I think your Mum had to get insurance for that wedding. Did she? That's what Jean told me, I didn't even know that. Cos Jean said she doesn't know if she could've done that. I think you can buy them off the shelf, can't you. I don't know what it covers. Well of course Kirsty is going to get married, isn't she. When she can afford it.
27:38 Because I've not even got to the wedding yet. Can you remember any of the Australians? Can you remember what they were like? Or who they were? Or... anything.
No, just a bit of fun you know when we'd meet up. I don't think I ever went out with one. I used to go out with a Canadian in Bournemouth. And one of the Canadians taught me how to play snooker.
Was this in Bournemouth?
That's in Bournemouth, yes. But we didn't go out with any of the Australians - none of us.
28:12 What was your day like? Was it a 9-5? Was it quite military?
Yes it'd be like that - I can't remember the time, but that's what it would be like. Because it sounds like - you had to be there in office time. It sounds like it was organised like an office, rather than a military... it was... office-like.
28:36
Because I didn't like the sergeant - that male sergeant. I had my ring taken off - because it had to be made smaller. And of course he'd make jibes then. Oh, you're trying to leave your wedding ring behind... and make out your not married. These kind of things. He wasn't a very nice man. There's other things he probably said, that's why I didn't like him.
28:59 And were you engaged at the time?
Yes I was engaged. When did you get engaged? At 21? When I was 21. So that was 1942, when you went to Brighton.
I think it was before then... It was before my birthday. Before I was called up. So you were called up after your birthday?
I'm sure it must've been. In the probably towards the end of the year. I think it must've been November. Oh god, so you were in Morecambe in November/December? Mmmm.
I can't remember if I came home that first Christmas. I can't remember. Can't remember that.
As a Dad, I have many roles to play within the family.
But none is more cherished than that of "Netflix Projectionist."
I say that.
But from the industry I'm in, it's not quite as grand.
It's more of an assistant video playback operator.
And one who's constantly missing his cues.
"Dad, can you pause it?"
"Dad, it's stopped."
"Dad can you press play."
"Dad, the sound's not there."
"Dad, I need a wee. Pause it again please."
It's just a war of attrition to get me to let them have direct access to the Netflix.
They will not win.
I will be playing the Netflix when they are in their twenties.
That's if they don't crack our access all areas passcode.
Always shield our PIN.
And then there's decoding the titles.
So I'd like to think I'm Artistic Director, or Channel Controller.
But it's more like translator/psychic.
"Dad, that's for girls."
"No Daddy, that's boys."
"No not that one. The other one.
The one with the gaps at the beginning."
"Wooly and the Jungle Book." (huh?)
"Mogler, Daddy. Mogler, please. Mogler? Mogler."
Funny that.
My YouTube home page looks like a deranged maniac.
Every Friday I add to my lists of Sacred and Profane.
Two opposites, which if you put them together sometimes generates funnier or more dramatic prompts and ideas.
I think next year, I'll put all of these into two hats and draw them out each week.
Like some kind of Euromillions draw...
Anyway, here's the ten of each for this week.
Dogs pooing in the back of family photos.
At first sight, it looks like
Family photos (sacred) vs. Excretion (profane)
But it could also be...
Natural behaviour (sacred) vs. Posing (profane)
Dogs (nature=sacred) vs. Photography (technology=profane)
Me, doing an impression of the NHS.
It's a Self-a&e
What if the NHS became a private company.
Owned by its workforce.
I've not yet fully thought this through.
And will keep tweaking it.
But if the NHS were a private company, owned by its workers...
Then the Chief Exec would have even more letters.
The CEO could be be a CEO MRCGP DRCOG.
I'd want the bottom line to be inspected by experts who actually inspect bottoms.
And growth would be scrutinised by those who spend all day removing growths.
What better way of keeping the NHS arm's length from daily politics,
with the specialists at arm's length: nurses, porters, physios and opthalmologists.
Hospital carpark machines.
Run for profit, for outside company, for shareholders.
What if they'd figure out ways to retrieve the bags of drugs and equipment newly issued to the recently deceased.
What if they put a stop to cancelling appointments on paper (issuing fake cancellations and real re-appointments) to avoid penalties for missed waiting time targets.
A hand gel machine fallen off the wall in the newly-built UCH.
Entrance of the Infections Ward. Oct 2013
What if they found a kinder system to forward-plan care rotas in the community for the Elderly rather than discharging them with 3 hours notice, handing the problem to the council to rota 7 home visits from 2 carers at 3 hours notice.
What if they'd devise a system that didn't need private companies run for shareholders relying on carers on rotas traveling between home visit shifts on buses.
What if the workers who own the NHS for profit would use a kinder word than "bedblocker" to label the elderly person they have failed to hand over to the community care rota.
What if an NHS owned by its workers didn't use expensive frontline Ambulances and A&E departments to ferry Elderly people who have been ejected from hospital too early and are coming back into hospital (via A&E) within 72 hours of their hospital discharge.
Metro 21.7.15 - 30 days? That'd be nice. Try Bedbouncers returning in under 3 days multiple times.
What if NHS owned by its workers would have even find a better way of holding information on its customers... sorry, patients... than using 19th Century letters and postal system and trolleys of folders and faxes (yes faxes) to pass the information around. And for the information to not be held entirely separately in pockets strewn across GP surgeries, local hospitals (yes hospitals plural) and specialist units.
What if it'd need fewer temp, sub-contracted and agency workers.
What if an NHS owned by its workers then wouldn't be run by politics.
So maybe some planning, and co-operation, and collaboration, and community spirit and support beyond a four year cycle would make it run more profitably.
For its workers.
You know you're a British Dad when you start making up a Running Order for your very own BBC Radio 3 promenade concert.
An orchestra, a choir, and an Albert Hall that's Royal.
What sweet music would be included which reflects the true cultural references of your Average British Dad?
This is the collection I've curated.
(It started a twitter flurry, from me not being able to answer my son's sensible question about why the songs from Frozen™ are always played on the radio... but never anything from Transformers™)
For my Prom, then, I'd want to kick it off with something more like this from the original 1980's series
(which I only got into thanks to it being played back to back by my family on the Angry Birds app's built-in TV channel...)
To give you an idea, it goes something like this...
While my choir (yes, my choir: I'm taking ownership of this) sing: Transformers, Robots in Disguise.
Transformers, more than meets the eye.
Autobots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of... the Decepticons.
(I will battle him on whether it's "defeat" or "destroy" until the end of time).
I've not yet decided if a Narrator will also say
"The Transformers will return after these messages"
to close the piece.
Choir, once again, would fill the Royal Albert Hall with: There's a magical place, we're on our way there,
With toys in their millions, all under one roof.
It's Called Toys'R'Us!
Soon after bedtime, when dark nightime falls,
Geoffrey and helpers, stock up on the shelves,
From ceiling to floor.
Books Boardgames and Bikes
Teddies, Puppets and Dolls
Bats, Spaceships and Trikes
'There's millions' says Geoffrey
All under on roof
It's Called Toys'R'Us! Toys'R'Us! Toys'R'Us!
A reprise might have a middle section where the Narrator rattling through the details of some special offers: "From Corgi, the Auto City Ferry Port, with realistic steam funnel! Toys R Us price, 23.87."
Next, choir and orchestra will give us a rendition of
"Bass.
White lines... going through my mind."
"Something like a phenomenon... telling your body to come along..."
"Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Freeze! Rock! Blow!"
"Rang dang diggedy dang di-dang
Rang dang diggedy dang di-dang
Rang dang diggedy dang di-dang
Diggedy dang di-dang diggedy dang di-dang"
And here's the transcript (timings are for the full video here)
(Click CC on the bottom of the video player to bring up subtitles.)
That was when I was discharged in the Christmas from the RAF. Christmas '42?
Yes, well I was married while I was in the WAAFs, I first went to Gloucester to get kitted out, then we were sent to Morecambe to do our training... then after that I was just sent to Bournemouth...
with the Canadians (Canadian Air Force), stayed there for a few months, then sent to Brighton.
With the Australians (Australian Air Force).
I was a stencil typist then. Because they ask you, when they interview you.
What are you doing? You see.
So I was in an office, naturally they wanted me to do the same sort of thing in the WAAFs.
(WAAF recruitment poster from the time...)
12:25
I would've liked to learn how to drive, really.
Because then I would've had to do it, wouldn't I?! Would've got over my fear. When they provide the training for that kind of thing.
That's right. And then I was discharged from Brighton. So it was not exciting at all. The Maoris were there... we had parties. You know, concerts and dances, naturally.
So how does that work, that they had different nationalities in different towns? You said the Australians were in Brighton? They just use that as a base for the Australian Air Force?
'Cos I worked there, I think they were all waiting to be sent somewhere, abroad you see, and I was doing officers records.
Stencilling them.
They had to be ran off.
13:25
It was in the hotel I worked in that Maggie Thatcher was in, you know it was bombed? Oh yeah, the Grand Hotel? That's where you worked?
I worked in that one. And the hotel where I lived was only a few doors down the road.
At another hotel, a small one.
(the view from where she worked...
from around the time she worked there)
13:40 So when you're working there, was there any flying nearby, or was it just an administrative place?
Just administrative, that's all. And did they clear the people out of the town then?
No. Normal town. Because I used to go get the station from Brighton to, gosh, was it Victoria? Because your Grandad was still at Uxbridge, and he used to come up and meet me, then he used to take me back when I went on Sunday night.
(the walk home from Brighton station around the time Nan was er... stationed there)
14:14 So you'd stay there during the week, in Brighton? And they'd put you up in a hotel?
Sometimes you'd have to stay there, you know. You get um, you work so many weeks, then you have to have a week "on duty" as they'd call it.
Not doing anything but you're there, you know!
So did you live in Brighton then, and go home for the weekend?
At the hotel, yes. All week, then I used to go home on Friday night. And was it run like a hotel? Or was it like a WAAF thing?
Well I think it was run more like a WAAF, not like a hotel.
It was Hotley's (Hockleys?) Hotel, but it wasn't really. They just used the building?
Yes just used the building.
14:57 So you had, what WAAF rations there?
Five inches of water, you know, and all the baths were painted. And you had three in our room. And you have to make your bed every day.
What the water line was painted? On the bath, yes. So you couldn't put more water in?
No, no. Five inches I think it was. 'Cos showers weren't even conceived then, were they! So you had to fill the water up to the line that was painted on?
Yes.
15:28
Just going back, because it's interesting, I don't know how... You're just bringing it back to me cos I can't remember. Just to follow the story...um... Grandad went into the RAF, and you were in Kensington intially for 3 years.
That's right. And um did you meet Grandad at the weekends then, because he was in, or... was he just all over the place?
He used to cycle over at night, used to see him most days! Cos you were living in Ealing, and he was living in Greenford.
16:15 With his mum and dad?
His mum. His dad died... while I was going with him.
He was over with me one night, and um, his Uncle came and a friend to say his Dad had died at work at 42.
I think it was just 42 or 47, I can't remember.
He had a heart attack.
And Eric remembered the night before, the day before that he'd got pains in his shoulder. And this was Alexander Mossey?
So he collapsed in the lavatory I think on the cloakroom at work.
I think he worked at.
Oh god where did he work now.
No good me trying to remember that.
I think he was at some sort of an engineer.
No it won't come to me.
Quite local really I think, Paddington area, Westbourne Park was it?
I think that's where he worked. To do with the railways.
17:20 And then, you went to Gloucester initially?
Got called up, had to go get kitted out somewhere in Gloucester.
Innsworth I think it was? I can't even remember the name of it.
That rings a bell, think I've driven past that. Not far away anyway.
17:42 And what was your rank, I don't know the terminology?
Just an Ordinary Leading Aircraft Woman - something like that. No rank. Just the lowest of the low. And did they train you?
Just marching. Just for marching. That's all, we had to learn marching.
The first day we were there, I just don't know how it was, or whether we were just sent round to the commands that we were with.
But Vera Lynn was on at the theatre.
So we all went along there.
You soon make friends with people, don't you.
18:20 How did it feel going to.. were you in Gloucester for long?
No. Was it a week. We were there just a week to get kitted out. And the haversack. Kit bag.
18:35 Did it feel odd, because you've left home?
Yes. Especially living in the Nissan Hut with all these other girls, just for a week.
Got used to it though! And would you've stayed with these girls?
No. Don't really know them.
Don't think I went with any of them, again.
They were all doing different things.
Some were cooking... some, don't know what they were doing.
So it was just an orientation week, just to get you all-- kitted out.
19:12 So did you get your uniform on the first day?
Do you know I can't remember that. Must've done. Must've done. And you did some marching.
When we got to Morecambe. Then we had passing out parade. Learn how- At the end of the week?
I think we were at Morecambe a month. Okay, so you went from Gloucester, for a week, to Morecambe. And what was, was that a different bunch of girls then?
Oh I think so, yes.
It was only when I got to Brighton that I was in with Anne Dalby and Georgina, that um her husband was in Tanmere.
That's how we got friendly.
Then I got friendly with the girl, she was in the office.
20:00
And she recommended a place in Torquay to have our honeymoon.
Where Grandad and I went on honeymoon, to Torquay.
20:16 So you went to Morecambe for a month. And was that more marching?
Just marching. Any other training? No other training. No, just marching.
And how do they know what you can do? Do you have to tell them?
Yes, we had interviews.
And that's where they wanted to know what I was doing, in private, you know.
In my private life.
And what did you do the rest of the time?
God, I don't know. I know it was blackout.
Ooh, this house we stayed in - it was as gloomy... Do you know I can't remember the meals.
I know someone had gone through my case and took a collar.
So that must've been one of the girls that were there.
I can't remember those at all.
21:05 And so you were staying in a house in Morecambe?
Yes that's right. I expect the woman was paid you see, to have us there.
I don't remember making friends there at all, isn't it funny.
Some people you do, don't you.
But we did when I got to Brighton, I did.
21:28 So at the end of the Morecambe month?
We all had to get to... Bournemouth. And did you say you had a passing out parade?
Yes. Was that in Morecambe?
Yes, that was in Morecambe. Did your parents come to that?
No, it was just for the us WAAFs. And then basically they tell you where you're going next?
That's right. I can't remember how I was told or anything like that.
Were you the only one to go to Brighton, do you think?
I don't think so.
I think a group of us must've gone.
But I can't remember that.
