Friday, 29 May 2015

How to write a more powerful idea by combining something sacred with something profane... big list here



An accoustic song (Sacred) to a dad (family love = Sacred)
about a JCB construction digger (Profane).

The JCB Song


There's a theory that you can get more powerful ideas if you combine something sacred with something profane.

Every week around this time, I'm adding to that big list on the link below.

Here's this week's ten Sacreds and Profanes...



Ancient Latin/Greek
Affection
Flame
Old Trees
Viola
Fountain pens/Quills
Grand Canyon
Perfect Meringue
Seeds and berries
Playful flirting


Construction site
Electric Guitar
Illuminated hoardings
Chernobyl
Land mines
Nightclubs
Pigeons
Cheating
Dirt Bikes
Pollution


The full list of Sacred and Profane is right here


Previous post...
My Life in 100 Objects. #2 My Bolognese Top


Here's the link to get these posts direct by email... send me your address here

Thursday, 28 May 2015

My Life in 100 Objects. #2 My Bolognese Top

You know you've let yourself go in a relationship.
However diligent you are with the obvious stuff, tics start to creep in.
Tells.
And they're just there, uncommented upon.
Behold.



#2 My Bolognese Top

I guess having comfort-wear around the house is normal.
But this is purely practical.
It's called My Bolognese Top - for the obvious.

And sometimes while eating other stuff too.
Like curries.
It means my good stuff doesn't get stained, but man... I know deep down this sits completely in the category of slightly-off-trend shirts, torn pants and holey socks.

If you wouldn't wear it outside the house... you shouldn't be wearing it in it.

Anyway, it's my must-have for this season. For every season.
For the list...
This is my Bolognese Top.


All my ADVENTURES IN BRITISH DAD STUFF here

Previous post...
Awkward Photos of Lakers Cheerleaders Meeting Awkward Men - Fave things on the web...


Click here to subscribe by email. Thanks. Helps me keep this going.

Friday, 22 May 2015

Sacred and Profane... Terrible combinations for better ideas...



A toddler (sacred) who is a pig (profane) makes the Babe stories and films (Sacred and Profane).

You end up with more impact by putting something that's Sacred together with something that's Profane..



Palace
Ice sculpture
War monument
Paralympics
Native Americans
Children's books
Intensive Care Unit
Green Power
Organic
Raw fish


Spray paint
Industrial park/units
Vomit
Cheap booze
Reduced price
Mobile phone masts
Loyalty cards
Cracks/Cracked
Diggers
Open All Night

Adding 'em to the full list of Sacred and Profane here


Previous post...
My Life in 100 Objects. #1 Kevin Keegan branded shin pads.


Subscribe by email...

Thursday, 21 May 2015

My Life in 100 Objects. #1 Kevin Keegan branded shin pads.

Yet another list for the blog (my top 100 fave bits of TV has barely hit 30...). And it's probably because I know I need to start throwing some stuff out.
But here are the things I haven't.
Yet.



#1 A pair of Partick Kevin Keegan branded junior shin-pads c. 1983

Weird starting with this one. Because I hate football.
Mum bought me these for school (buying shin pads that probably ironically crippled her, financially). I think I must've worn them about three times.

My local team, Arsenal, wasn't really the place a Dad wanted to take his kid in the early 80s (and he's really into his football). So I never got into it like my mates did.
Maybe I'm just missing the gene: I get all my sports-viewing done in a solid month in real-time during the Tour De France (all my favourite clips from that here).

My writing partner completely nailed it that the sports I'm into are all about long endurance stuff, rather than a to-and-fro that repeats itself and goes nowhere. Might be the same reason I'm addicted to rickshaw run videos on youtube.



But I showed these to my son. Who loves them.
And this week wore them more times than I ever did. And I'm playing football with him in the back yard more than I ever did. And I've spent the past year writing a football cartoon for Cbeebies called Footy Pups.
We're going to change the name Mum wrote in them.
But here they are for one last time. Not mine any more.




All my BRITISH DAD STUFF here

Previous post...
Last Late Show with David Letterman? I remember my first Late Night Dave...


Get these by email... just sign up here...

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Last Late Show with David Letterman? I remember my first Late Night Dave...



It was 1989, I was 17.

My mates suddenly started saying weird stuff like they were into Grace Jones or Simply Red, and now took themselves incredibly seriously.

Why weren't they funny any more?
Why weren't we goofing around?

Only months ago we'd been carrying each other around in Eurocrates, throwing board rubbers and hiding stuff on the window ledge.

My teenage angst was about the teenage angst.
The wallowiest of all.
But one night I'd videoed something, and the tape ran onto this by accident.

(this is a link to a dodgy VHS copy where the tracking is off running it at an annoying speed...)


(this is a better link, but it's only of the Robin Williams interview/stunt)


It was gone midnight on Channel 4... completely untrailed, and turned out only six were shown. (A mate only explained yesterday that it was to trial showcase their new NICAM stereo broadcasting system).

And everything made sense.
Teens usually latch onto a band or an album because it articulates what they think they're aligned to, what they want to express and how they see the world.

I didn't have an album or a band or a look.
I got this.

Dumb, abstract and wilful.
It made total sense.
I didn't know you could do that.

12-15-1989 Letterman Sandra Bernhard Viewer Mail


It just ran on in real time. It was so alien, I didn't understand half of it - and that was part of the joy.

It was all about the comedian's reaction to the item being funny, rather than the item itself needing to be funny.

The comedy we had was supposed to be world-leading, but it was entirely scripted.

And this New York underworld of the 1980's was a foreshadow of what was coming our way. We completely get many of the references on the show now.

I've probably watched less Dave since the Late Show started putting exclamation marks on their graphics into the breaks. (I don't think 80s Dave would've done that)

But the last edition is going out in the States tonight, and it just reminded me of how it helped me do what I do now.


Here's a link to my shrine of Dave clips click here

Previous post...
Companies want to see 2 utility bills on paper. But also want to stop sending out bills on paper. Heres my terrible Utility Bill Song


Get these by email... I'll never give your address to anyone else, ever.

Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Companies want to see 2 utility bills on paper. But also want to stop sending out bills on paper. Heres my terrible Utility Bill Song



Love how companies want to stop posting paper bills...

...at exactly same time every company also insists on seeing "2 Utility Bills" as proof of ID.


The problem is now ours. Thanks.

Our 2 utility bills that we have clung onto have become precious in our house.

So precious, we keep them in a special cabinet.

We should name them.

Trying to write a song about this.

The lyrics I've got are:

We're your two utility bills.
You keep us under lock and key.
For those evil sods at the credit check agency.

They know my nob size - and browsing history...
But they still want to see my two utility bills.

We're so very rare.
We're like William Hague's hair.

So very rare.
Like a reasonable train fare.

If your application's crap.
We've got a proper trap.
You'll never find us.
We're not on any map.

Bits of paper.
It's a proper caper.
We just want to find - our - two - where - are - you - U - tility Bills.



All my British Dad stuff is here

Previous post...
click here


Subscribe here for daily posts direct to your email. We just need to see proof of ID and two utility bills. Only joking.

Monday, 18 May 2015

Why Freelancers charge the charges that they charge. In any field.



Love this article on Chortle by photographer Idil Sukan - and added it to my list of fave things on the web.

It looks like it's about the specifics of how much photography sessions really cost
- just to get that funny image for a comedian's billboard or flyer.

What it's really about is the value you can get between client and supplier and the services they could provide - in any field - if you took a more long-term approach to the relationship.
"These photos will be the primary portrayal of the comedian for at least 18 months, and can last really forever. The comedian will be known for their images. I'm still seeing my photos from five years ago be used on posters, press and brochures. They will help create a fan base, be shared on social media, represent everything the comedian is about. This is the first and foremost representation of the comedian to the whole world."

The full article is here


And all the links to my favourite stuff on the web that I want to keep tabs on, is here

Previous post...
It's embarrassing being the fan of something, and posting links to it. But heres more Seth Godin stuff I like...


Subscribe to this feed by email here... You can opt out any time.

Sunday, 17 May 2015

It's embarrassing being the fan of something, and posting links to it. But heres more Seth Godin stuff I like...



It's embarrassing being the fan of something, and posting links to it.

But banking these in one place, with a little clip from each one,
so I can find them again...


The stories we tell ourselves
"I'm too old to make a difference, take a leap, change the game..." (Sometimes, I hear this from people who are 27 years old).
This is a seductive story, because it lets us off the hook. Obviously, the thinking goes, the deck (whichever deck you want to pick) is stacked against me, so no need to even imagine the failure that effort will bring. Better to just move along and lower my expectations."
Full post here

People are real, but the crowd disappoints
"Every crowd, sooner or later, will let you down.
The crowd contains a shoplifter, or a heckler, or an anonymous boor who leaves a snarky comment.
...Scale is overrated again and again."
Full post here


Five steps to digital hygiene
"Washing your hands helps you avoid getting sick...
Turn off mail and social media alerts on your phone.
Don't read the comments. Not on your posts or on the posts of other people. Not the reviews and not the trolls.
De-escalate the anger in every email exchange.
Spend the most creative hour of your day creating, not responding..."
Full post here


Without a keyboard
"When the masses only connect to the net without a keyboard, who will be left to change the world?

It is possible but unlikely that someone will write a great novel on a tablet."
Full "Without a keyboard" post here.


The beaten path
"Here's a common mistake: make something amazing and figure that people will beat a path to your door.

Or go to a retailer or a sales rep or a middleman and expect that they will offer your product or service to their customers and let you keep most of the profit.

The beaten path isn't something that happens to you, it's something you build. It's not something convenient, it is, in fact, the primary asset of your organization.

It's the last step, not the first.."
Full post here


That full list of Seth Godin posts is here

Previous post...
Its Friday, time to add to my list of things that are Sacred and Profane... Comedy writing theory...


Subscribe to my blog here... go on, you can unsubscribe any time.

Friday, 15 May 2015

Its Friday, time to add to my list of things that are Sacred and Profane... Comedy writing theory...


(A carpark. Profane.)

Sacred and Profane - are the wrongest things to put together to try and get some comedy and drama going.

Every Friday, adding to this big list of SACRED AND PROFANE things.

These are the ones I've come up with this week...



Nursery
Love which endures
Philanthropy
Paddle boats
Crops
Silence
Brotherly love
Home cooking
Cancer survivor
School project


Annual results
Mega-trucks
Tobacco
Litter
Conveyor belt
Multi-storey carpark
Jumbo 747
Toilet paper/tampons
Serial Killer
Reality shows


So... from these tiny lists, sacred and profane:

A reality show set in a nursery (which C4 are doing with "Secret Life of 4 Year Olds")
Loving a serial killer (death row dames)
Giving away free toilet paper
and
School projects to grow the best tobacco.


But the full list of Sacred and Profane is here...

Previous post...
Some of the last of the 81 words I've had to add to my phone's in-built dictionary. Like sheesh.


Get these by email... signing up here helps me keep this blog going, thanks!

Thursday, 14 May 2015

Some of the last of the 81 words I've had to add to my phone's in-built dictionary. Like sheesh.



Here's the final snapshot of the kind of words I mash into my phone.

And then click on 'add to dictionary' so I won't have to mash them in again...

...actual words from my Android phone's internal spellchecker personal dictionary.

Roald
- as in Dahl

rotters
- because I live in the 1950s. It's very handy word to use around 6 and 4 year olds though.

scootering
- another one for my kids. Love this word: It's what they do in the park. On scooters.

sheesh
- another handy word around toddlers.

soundbite
- type this a lot. Instead of "the things that they say".

spose
- guess there's no apostrophe in foneland.

storylining
- easier to type than "making stuff up".

Taoiseach
- absolutely no idea why I added this word for the Irish Premier to my personal dictionary. Reminds me of the Tim Binns souvenir joke: "My friend went to Dublin, and all I got was this stupid Taoiseach "

thang
- no idea why this is in there either.

thnx
- always a friendly thanks

trad
- an ironically untraditional word

vid & vids
- singular and plural laziness

vis
- not to be confused with vids. As in hi-vis vest.

vlogger & vlogging
- one day I'll do this, thinking that it's easier than typing.

VO
- voiceover. which will be the easiest way to do my vlogging.

Yankey
- as in Rachel. Star of the Footy Pups. [LINK]


You got any weird words spellchecked in your phone?

Tweet me them here, or leave a comment!
(If you can find the comment link - there's a tiny word below "marked comments").


Previous post...
nutter. Another few from my list of 81 words that I've added to my Android phone spellchecker


Some of my other Dad Stuff For My Kids is here

I send these posts out daily by email... Subscribe here.

Wednesday, 13 May 2015

nutter. Another few from my list of 81 words that I've added to my Android phone spellchecker



This is more from my list of real English Language words.

Real, because these are the ones over time which I've added to my phone's built-in dictionary.

Dredged up from the settings for your reading pleasure.


Lidl
- some brand names are in there and some aren't. The context of this is usually "I'm stuck in the really long queues at Lidl".

lightsaber
- I never knew it was spelt this way. Till my 6 yr old son made me check.

marrdrinkinggame
- something I tweet too many Sundays - Play the game here

meetups
- a word that's 3 generations away from a proper word

min
- a unit of time

mo
- another unit of my time

mtg
- wish they were as short as this word.

naan
- practically a British foodstuff, why isn't it in the Google UK dictionary?

NB
- I had to add this manually

nite
- like fone. Incorrect, easy and friendly.

nutter
- didn't think I used this enough to put it into my phone.

para
- paragraph rather than anything military.

pic
- like vid. Doesn't anyone else use this?

ploddy
- see also, storylining.

Pret
- can't afford to drink in here. No idea how this made it in.

readthru
- TV term

recce
- TV term

retweak
- another TV term (the way we make it)

Final 16 words tomorrow, you lucky people.

What are yours? Tweet me!


Previous post...
Faff. More of the 81 words I've had to add to my phone dictionary because I am British. And me.


Some of my other Dad Stuff For My Kids is here

Why not get this blog by email... Subscribe here.

Tuesday, 12 May 2015

Faff. More of the 81 words I've had to add to my phone dictionary because I am British. And me.



Guy Fawkes Day.

Yep Google, Guy Fawkes Day is exactly what I call it.


Here are some more of the 81 words I've added to my Android phone's dictionary.


googlejuice
- Google want to keep this secret sauce secret, so no wonder it's not in their built-in dictionary

Estee
- if this were in CAPS it would be LAUDER. (Why did I add that?!)

fab
- maybe the most British word

faff
- or this one

FirstWorldProblems
- looking at this dictionary is another one of my own FirstWorldProblems

fone
- always easier and more friendly to misspell this

GFX
- TV term

gigglebiz
- done a few of these cbeebies juggernauts

goss
- hate it. hate myself. it's there.

hashtag
- funny that the word itself isn't in the Android personal dictionary

headsup
- been in every phone I've owned. CNN infected me with this one.

Hiya
- ugh.

hols
- "vacation" can't be shortened. Trust us British to shorten ours.

infographics
- horrible word for horrible pictures

Irished
- what I do to coffee. Get some whiskey and Irish it up a little.

Jase
- everyone knows a Jase


More words tomorrow.


Some of my other Dad Stuff For My Kids is here

Previous post...
bumholes. And other words I've added to Googles dictionary. Because I am British. And me.


Get this blog by email... Subscribe here.

Monday, 11 May 2015

bumholes. And other words I've added to Googles dictionary. Because I am British. And me.



You can check which words have been added to your Android phone dictionary by clicking on Settings - language & input - personal dictionary.

I did that, and here are some more words I've put on it myself.

Boyster
- a TV show we did on Disney XD

brum
- as in Birmingham. Guessing I'm not the only person who uses this word

bulletpoints
- this seems a legit word that isn't in the dictionary already

cc'd
- something I think I probably mention a lot in emails.

Chima
- as in Lego Chima. My son is really into this and I don't yet get why.

Clapham
- left this on the list because everyone will have towns and villages on theirs

connections
- no idea why this wasn't on there in the first place

d'ya
- okay. I completely understand why this wasn't on there in the first place.

Damo
- everyone knows a Damo, don't they though?

dat
- as in "true dat"

drafting
- a very posh way of saying writing. Which itself is a very posh way of saying typing.

Dum
- as in dum dum dum

Dyas
- as in Robert

e-cigarettes
- the world is moving faster than my Android personal dictionary. This was for the 2015 election debates.

en
- as in en route. Something I'm always messaging.
Much fancier than "I'm late".

eps
- episodes

More eps this week. Another 16ish words tomorrow


Some of my other Dad Stuff For My Kids is here

Previous post...
81 words I've had to manually add to my Android phone because I'm British. And me.


I send out posts by email... subscribe here.

Sunday, 10 May 2015

81 words I've had to manually add to my Android phone because I'm British. And me.



My phone comes with an in-built "British" dictionary. But it's more like a Briddish dictionary.

Here some words I've added over the year to make it my own.

81 words I've had to manually add to my Android phone because I'm British. And me.

ack
- a noise I let out on something harsh.

ad
- you'd think Google of all organisations would have this word in their vocabulary.

ALT
- something I type for an alternate gag.

ansafone
- the best word for that thing. I've always liked it better than voicemail.

AOTP
- as in All Over The Place, a TV show I worked on.

AP
- someone who works in TV

ars-[expletive deleted]
- someone who works in TV.

aw
- a noise I let out on something harsh.

B-roll
- guessing that you have your own words for work that don't pop up on your phone dictionary. This is one from my industry.

ballsup
- see above

barista
- really don't know why this isn't in the dictionary.

bedblocking
- a really disgusting word that the media uses to report a complex situation solely from the viewpoint of NHS Hospital Trust communications officers. The one post I haven't yet written is "My Mum was the best bedblocker in London." It will happen. I need to get it out of my system.

beeb
- as in BBC.

Bolan
- as in Marc. No idea why I hit the "Add to dictionary" button though.


Another 16 tomorrow...

All my Dad Stuff For My Kids is here

Previous post...
I'm still thinking up things that are Sacred and Profane and combining the two for a big fat list here... comedy writing theory...


Subscribe here by email...

Friday, 8 May 2015

Im still thinking up things that are Sacred and Profane and combining the two for a big fat list here... comedy writing theory...



An accoustic song (Sacred) to a dad (family love = Sacred) about a JCB construction digger (Profane).

The JCB Song


The combination is Sacred and Profane, and when you put two wrong extremes together sometimes you get something funny or impactful.

SACRED

Ancient Latin/Greek
Affection
Flame
Old Trees
Viola
Fountain pens/Quills
Grand Canyon
Perfect Meringue
Seeds and berries
Playful flirting
PROFANE

Construction site
Electric Guitar
Illuminated hoardings
Chernobyl
Land mines
Nightclubs
Pigeons
Cheating
Dirt Bikes
Pollution


My full list of Sacred and Profane is here...

Previous post...
Here


Thanks for signing up to get these posts by email... if you'd like to subscribe for daily posts, just click here to send me your details.

Wednesday, 6 May 2015

Charity or Tip? Games for tightwad dads.



Charity or Tip?

The game that every Bank Holiday, hapless Dads play all over the nation.

There are never any right answers.

Winnie the Pooh. And Friends. Charity or Tip?
Darby's head has snapped off, but it could still be stuck back in place.




Baking tin. Charity or Tip?
It's "seasoned".




Wire post rack. Charity or Tip?
Hold up your junk mail all over your wall.




Bobble water filter. Charity or Tip?
A folly that leaks water all over the top.
We can do that ourselves without a pricey jug.




Toddler Stair Gates. Charity or Tip?
You winced when you bought these.
Winced some more if you're lucky to put them up.
Then some more when they worked out how to flip the catch.
You left them up for a little while longer, and now...




If you've got any for the Charity or Tip? ...comments below or tweet me your junk!


All my ADVENTURES OF A TIGHTWAD DAD here

Previous post...
In Memoriam - our ipad... 2012-2015 (adventures of a tightwaddad)


Why not subscribe by email... Posts out daily, if I manage to post daily...

Tuesday, 5 May 2015

In Memoriam - our ipad... 2012-2015 (adventures of a tightwaddad)



You were the only Apple product in our house, and we wanted to make you welcome.
But, looking back, it's like you never really tried to fit in.

You wouldn't join in with any of our music. Or videos.
And we had to do things "your way" to share anything useful with you.
We admit it. We should've tried harder to try that more than once.

We'd wheel you out to try and do something 'educational'.
In minutes that'd always turn into Transformers Angry Birds.
But we're sad you're looking like this now.
We should've looked after you better.


All my ADVENTURES OF A BRITISH DAD here

Previous post...
I think up 50% more things that are Profane than Sacred... Comedy writing theory. Here's what I've got.


Or why not click here to get these daily by email...

Friday, 1 May 2015

I think up 50% more things that are Profane than Sacred... Comedy writing theory. Here's what I've got.



A toddler (sacred) who is a pig (profane) combines for the Babe stories and films (Sacred and Profane).

Every Friday I try to add to my lists of Sacred and Profane
- two extremes that are sometimes more funny or shocking or compelling because they're so wrong together.

What's weird is that on the big list I'm keeping (link below), I'm currently thinking up 50% more Profane things than Sacred.

SACRED

Palace
Ice sculpture
War monument
Paralympics
Native Americans
Children's books
Intensive Care Unit
Green Power
Organic
Raw fish
PROFANE

Spray paint
Industrial park/units
Vomit
Cheap booze
Reduced price
Mobile phone masts
Loyalty cards
Cracks/Cracked
Diggers
Open All Night

But the full list of Sacred and Profane is here...

Previous post...
My son blowing up my phone. With another gadget. (adventures of a #tightwaddad)


Get these by email... and thanks, cos signing up here helps me keep this blog going...