Thursday, 31 July 2014

Never dashes out to top up the ticket in the hospital car park - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS



Never dashes out to top up the ticket in the hospital car park

More of how these 3 men are not like a regular British tightwad Dad


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What to do with baby photos you never asked for - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

What to do with baby photos you never asked for - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS

- What to do with baby photos you never asked for -



People send you baby photos.

But no-one has any idea what you're meant to do with them.

Throwing them away feels wrong.

Archiving them feels even more wrong.


All my 2014 Dad Stuff For My Kids is here

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Uninvented words - The Golden Arch Window - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS


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Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Uninvented words - The Golden Arch Window - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS

- The Golden Arch Window -



More uninvented words:
Golden Arch Window

Working out if you can bend time and ride a McDonalds queue to get something before your train leaves.


All my 2014 Dad Stuff For My Kids is here

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Story Idea - The Princess and the Pee - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS


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Sunday, 27 July 2014

Whats on your stairs - another update thats almost live with pictures



Two questions:

What's on your stairs? Got a picture?

Answers on this week's #WhatsOnYourStairs ...















Try to remember to add them to the complete collection of What's On Your Stairs right here...:

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GREEN CRAYON SQUIGGLES AT SOFAS END - one of the earliest acts of wanton destruction in our Friday Night Gallery of Toddler Art


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Friday, 25 July 2014

GREEN CRAYON SQUIGGLES AT SOFAS END - one of the earliest acts of wanton destruction in our Friday Night Gallery of Toddler Art

Basically, our kids destroying the house, one installation at a time, while we're not looking.

Tonight we continue recapping the inventory of our Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery.


#2 - GREEN CRAYON SQUIGGLES AT SOFA'S END



Caribbean Green Crayola crayon on Lilac Echo Dulux Light and Space Matt Finish.

This bold piece is possibly one of the first works created by The Artist.

The space covered by this lively expression is the full-arms reach of the Toddler prodigy.

Un-inhibition is what drives this work.

The flow of continuous, unpredictable, curves is set against the impact of contrasting green attacking a backdrop of hinted purple.

These could be said to be gathered in nine epicentres of energy split across two implied rows. With a signature atop.

A signoff, if you will, that almost says “Ha.”




Its location next to the sofa - the traditional seat of relaxation - is of course ironic.





Our entire collection of toddler art is all here... Enjoy!

(I'd love it if you were to send me any examples from your collection if you don't mind them featuring here.)

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Never checks the second screen on the train ticket machine to see if theres anything cheaper - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS


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Wednesday, 23 July 2014

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Even more Peace Of Mind from a Homebase leaflet


Here's another offer of Peace Of Mind from a company,



"Peace Of Mind" for life's everyday accidents.

You'd think "Peace Of Mind" would be enough.

But this is for accidents only.

And only the everyday accidents of life.

Thanks Homebase leaflet V5!


All my pieces of Peace Of Minds from companies are here

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I thought they were running heritage buses - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS


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Friday, 18 July 2014

#1 SPRINKLES - the very first work from our Friday Night Late Night Toddler Art Gallery

#1 SPRINKLES

Sainsbury's cake decorations party sprinkles, colours various

It looks as if either our children have stopped basically destroying the house, one spontaneous art installation at a time, while we're not looking.

Or they're taking a Summer recess.

So we're going to review the collection one more time.

This was the very first one that started the Gallery.

It was going to be called:

“Can you put that down. Please. No. You can't have any hundreds and.”




Our entire collection of toddler art is all here... Enjoy!

Please feel free to send me your examples - because, you know, this never ever happens in anywhere else.

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Never uses batteries from the 99p shop - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS


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Monday, 14 July 2014

The delightful NHS painful obsession with letters - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS

The delightful NHS painful obsession with letters

Sir Rowland Hill: Holding the letter from the Royal Free Hospital cancelling and re-booking the ultrasound appointment on his balls even though he hadn’t received the original letter in the first place.

It’s 2014.

And you’d think that an organisation that had put so much into my body and taken so much from it might be keen to join the dots - if only to save some hassle for itself.

But no.



You can read the typing that’s coming out of my head right now, but the pinnacle of communication was reached by Sir Rowland Hill in 1839.

Turns out the best way to administrate someone’s medical identity is to have them holding the right bit of paper that was put in their letterbox.

It’s like the whole system depends like some Jane Austen heroine on a stream of correspondence.

“What news please emanates on the most pressing matter of your anus?”
(for example)
It hangs on every written word.

Just please ensure that you take this letter and be ready for 13:51.




Putting all of this year's Dad Stuff For My Kids here...

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Cocktail genius - fave stuff on the web


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Friday, 11 July 2014

#65 DINNERTABLE KRAKATOA IN 3-D - the latest from our Friday Night Late Night Toddler Art Gallery

#65 DINNERTABLE KRAKATOA... IN 3-D!

Rubber stamp, ink, red and blue, on B&Q Value Matt Emulsion, Brilliant White

Honestly, we keep thinking we're going to shut this down.

"This will be the last piece of spontaneous pop-up art."



See how there is no rubber stamp or ink pad in sight.



And yet if you look closer...



Red and blue.



It's in perfect 3-D.

Our entire collection of toddler art is all here...

Please feel free to send me your examples - because, you know, this never ever happens in anyone else's home.

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Different from me... and holding up The Sun - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS


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Thursday, 10 July 2014

Different from me... and holding up The Sun - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS

- Different from me... and holding up The Sun -

These are the 3 leaders of the main political parties in the UK right now.



They could not seem further from my life right now.

Here they are promoting a newspaper.

Every Thursday I will put new other ways they are not like me under the picture.



Never danced to Boney M in Torremolinos.

I don’t think I’ll make it as far as the next General Election.

But might reach the next recess of Parliament.

Dunno what to call it - think it'll be #These3Men:



Never uses batteries from the 99p shop.




Never checks the second screen on the train ticket machine to see if there's anything cheaper




Never dashes out to top up the ticket in the hospital car park




Never gets excited by the new "Special Offer" week in Lidl.




Never has to add water to make the Dolmio go a bit further




Never sings "ooh - ahh" in the middle of "Hey baby, (do you wanna be my girl)."




Never uses vouchers in McDonalds




Never waits till 0930 before using their Oyster card.




Never been a grapple fan.
Never had "a good week... till next week."




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Credit card creepiness - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS


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Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Credit card creepiness - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS

- Credit Card creepiness -



Got the creepiest letter from Barclaycard.

Telling me that they've got their ongoing commitment to me.

They've got an - ongoing - commitment.

And this is just - part - of that "commitment".

And it's *ongoing*.

Maybe I shouldn't be reading it this way.

Here it is again in the form of a ransom note
thanks to the free online ransom note generator Strix...





All my Dad Stuff For My Kids for 2014 is here.

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I hate seasoning my gadgets - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS


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Tuesday, 8 July 2014

I hate seasoning my gadgets - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS

- I hate seasoning my gadgets -



Life in 2014:

It’s called Windows 8, because that’s how many hours you’ve got to spend updating it on a laptop fresh out of the box.



With Windows there’s the updating of the thing itself... but beyond that it’s the settings. The precious settings... like changing the icons... changing the size of the icons... the unchecking that box buried in the submenu that stops maximising the window when you drag something to the edge... the desktop background picture... the menu bar colours... the wi-fi passwords... the which program opens that type of files...



Turning off the built-in crap with its interruptive notifications... disabling mouse-pad moves that throw you into whole other screens... deleting the things that don’t need to be hogging storage, bandwidth or my limited attention span...



And all of that’s before you get to re-installing any actual programs on there, and all the defaults they need - how the tabs open on the browser... the favourite fonts and (US) Briddish dictionaries... re-correcting the auto-correct big dashes, bulletpoint lists, and capitalized starts of sentences... purging inches and dollars, and backward dates and stingy margin sizes...



I’m a bloke. I love gadgets.

But I hate seasoning them.

Like it’s some kind of wok.




All my 2014 Dad Stuff For My Kids is here

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Ordering condoms on Sainsburys.com through total boredom


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Saturday, 5 July 2014

What's on your stairs this week? also known as #WhatsOnYourStairs



What's on your stairs?

Got a picture?

This week on #WhatsOnYourStairs











All added to the complete collection of What's On Your Stairs...:

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#64 PENCIL CARPET OOPS - Friday Night Late Night Toddler Art Gallery (basically... our kids destroying our house with their streetart


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Friday, 4 July 2014

#64 PENCIL CARPET OOPS - Friday Night Late Night Toddler Art Gallery

#64 PENCIL CARPET OOPS

Disney Enterprises Inc.® W.I.T.C.H.™ HB pencil, black, on prestige twist oatmeal carpet.

I think we're coming out of the intentional attention seeking of the random hidden pop-up art that appears around our house.

Many still ask - "Why do you let them do it?/ Why don't you just tell them off?/ Why aren't you beating them senseless?" (and variants within)

We do.

Almost as if our yelling/punishments become a golden reward of our attention for this activity.

But the art is very, very rarely created in front of us. (Almost as if the yelling/punishmentsa are effective in conveying that it's wrong.)



This was delivered during an exuberant drawing "of a girl" on the back of an envelope (pictured: see - we do provide correct artistic materials). The energy of depicting "the girl's" hair overflowing onto the floor.

Because she could not and would not be contained by Navigator Office Paper Solutions size "DL".
The "DL" now stands for Don't Look.


The full gallery of toddler art is here...

Please feel free to send me your examples - Noone ever sends me theirs on the "Comments" below, because this never ever happens in other people's homes.

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The Loyalty Card Hangback - uninvented words - DAD STUFF FOR MY KIDS


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