Friday, 20 December 2013

MERRY XXXMAS - Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery


#43 - MERRY XXXMAS





Pink IKEA MÅLA chalk on Brilliant White B&Q Value Matt emulsion

This is a time-sensitive festive installation.

Maybe this is meant to evoke 'the star' the Wise Men followed.

Either way, the colour chosen is almost certainly intentional, to clash with the green/red/silver palette.

A garish reminder that it sits amongst the temporarily endorsed art on our walls.


I'd love it if you were to send me any examples from your collection if you don't mind them featuring in the Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery.
("And I'm sorry that we cannot return any of the art that you send in to us.")

The full gallery of toddler art is here...

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Terrifying new platform at Guildford Station - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


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Thursday, 19 December 2013

Terrifying new platform at Guildford Station - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Terrifying new platform at Guildford Station -



How do you get off the new platform extension at Guildford station?

With 2 years good behaviour and a parole board.

The tannoy announcements are done in a Morgan Freeman voice.


All my Dad Lessons For My Kids are here

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A load of Christmas words and phrases...


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Wednesday, 18 December 2013

A load of Christmas words and phrases...



(Picture source: My groaning collection of Toddler Art from around the house)


Here is a list of word associations for Xmas - Christmas phrases, sayings, songs and carols.

Thanks for letting me know if I've missed any in comments below!

Rude and sexual Christmas References
It wasn’t a silent night
I had Jingle Bells all day
Santa’s Sack (Emptying his sack)
Yellow snow
Are you naughty or nice?
Triple XXX-mas
King Herod
Where the treetops glisten
Ding Dong Merrily On High
It’s a swell time
Santa can’t get down the chimney
Turkey/Goose breast
Only comes once a year
Snowballs
Put the screw into Scrooge
Balls are just for decoration
Mistletoe belt
Frostbite
Having low elf-esteem
Balls hanging too low
Santa’s bulging sack
North Pole
...And a happy new rear
Down the chimney
Kissing under the Mistletoe
Baubles on the tree
Where to put the fairy on the tree
Don’t mind him, he’s got no Frankinsense
Putting the rude back into Rudolph
Yule Log

CULTURE
Bah Humbug
Timmy
Scrooge
Dickens
Twas The Night Before Xmas
Songs
- Carol singers at the door
Grinch
Driving
Nativity

TOYS
Wooden
Soldiers
Dolls
Under Tree
SHOPPING
Sales
Lines
Gift Returns

SANTA CLAUS
Sled
Sleigh
North Pole
Polar Bears
Naughty List

ELF
Big ears
Elven - Elfish - Elves - Elfin
“An imaginary supernatural being, a little sprite, diminutive spirit, mischievous tricks”.
Santa’s workshop: Sweat shop factory
Green-clad
Gnome
Dwarf
Little - in-proportion
Pointy Ears
Long noses
Pointy hats
On Kellogg’s Rice Krispies - Snap, Crackle, Pop
Elf magic - magic elves

CHRISTMAS
Miracle
Lights (town)
Dog is for life
Holidays
Bonus
Cheer
Bells
Candles
Brandy Butter
Advent Calendar

SANTA’S REINDEER
Blitzer, Rudolf, Comet, Cupid, Dancer, Dasher, Donner, Prancer, Vixan

RITUALS
Writing xmas cards
Chanukah
Dec 25th

CHRISTMAS SONGS & LYRICS
It’s the most wonderful time of the year
Fa-la-la-la-la-lalaaahhh
Ding-A-Ling
I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
Santa Claus is coming to town
He sees you when you’re sleeping, so be good for goodness sake
Winter Wonderland
I saw Mummy kissing Santa Claus
Rudolf the red nosed reindeer
(If you ever saw him, you would even say it glows
Won’t you fly my sleigh tonight?
You’ll go down in history)
“We’ll pretend it’s Parson Brown”
Here comes Santa Claus
Jingle Bells
Oh what fun it is to sing, a sleighing song tonight
Jingle Bells, Rudolph smells...
Or Jingle Bells, shotgun shells, Santa Claus is dead
Rudolph got a .22 and shot him in the head
White Christmas
Little Drummer Boy - Parumpapum pum

CHRISTMAS CAROLS
Away in a manger
Deck the halls
Ding dong merrily on high
God rest ye merry gentlemen
Good King Wenceslas
Hark! The herald angels sing
The holly and the ivy
In the bleak midwinter
Joy to the world
(“the lord is come/ let Earth receive her King/ Let every heart, prepare him room, and Heaven and Nature sing...)_
Let it snow
Little donkey
O Little Town Of Bethlehem
Rocking around the Christmas tree
Silent Night
On the twelfth day of Christmas (My truelove gave to me....)
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We three kings of Orient are...
While shepherds watched their flocks

...And the brilliant Santa Brand Guideline Book by Quietroom


All my Dad Lessons For My Kids are here

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Turns out we're Irish - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


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Monday, 16 December 2013

Turns out we're Irish - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Turns Out We're Irish -



Just found out from Auntie Jean at my Mum's funeral that the Mossey family line does not originate from Scotland, but the name is probably a bastardisation of the name Morrissey and probably comes from Ireland.



Apparently half the family went to the States/Canada and the other half went to Scotland.
(Let's give it up for 'my' half - slow hand clap)

So maybe that explains the Mossey Island in Canada?

How can I best re-adjust to my new found Irish genetic heritage?

Inadvertently, dinner that night was jacket potatoes. How insensitive.


All my Dad Lessons For My Kids are here

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TALKING PINK SPIRAL - Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery


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Friday, 13 December 2013

TALKING PINK SPIRAL - Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery


#42 - TALKING PINK SPIRAL





Crayola Pink Crayon on Matt Brilliant White Emulsion

We can't stress how hard we work to banish every single potential weapon of art from around our house.

And yet some slip through.

And the boldness and the size of the work, probably reflects the triumph of the find.

Here we have concentric circles - although they look continuous - and an almost mouth-like centre line.

That speaks to us in the loudest voice.

The full gallery of toddler art is here...

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How to heat a room with tealights - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


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Monday, 9 December 2013

Speed Limits - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Speed Limits -



This alleyway, White Bear Yard EC1, is shorter than the stopping distance at 20 miles per hour.

This is either Camden Council and/or TFL Streets making a bid for the most diligent speed limit road marking.

Or it's street art.

(This picture got some replies from around the borough: this one in Highgate via @BenhamReeves)




All my Dad Lessons For My Kids are here

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How to perform the perfect spit take - Masterclass from Alan Cumming...


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Sunday, 8 December 2013

How to perform the perfect spit take - Masterclass from Alan Cumming...


How to perform the perfect spit take

Adding this to the last Fave TV post about The Good Wife...

The "spit take" is the antithesis of the "double-take". Where the double-take gets its laugh from 'did that just happen?', the spit take is about someone completely getting what just happened.

Acting genius and comedy god Alan Cummings shows us how it should be done.



Drink-in how Eli Gold, Chief of Staff to the Governor Peter Florrick, savours his moment of triumph.

And then the timing of reacting hearing entirely the wrong thing.

Gold! (Eli, Gold)

All my Fave moments of TV are here...

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LIPSTICK STAIRS - Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery


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Friday, 6 December 2013

LIPSTICK STAIRS - Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery

#41 - LIPSTICK STAIRS





Rimmel London Red Lipstick on Dulux Brilliant White Vinyl Matt emulsion

A switch to an oil-based medium.

Shocking red, in contrast to the monochromatic background.

Sprite-like finger-worked kanji of joy and movement.


The full gallery of toddler art is here...

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THE GOOD WIFE - MY FAVE TV #22


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Tuesday, 3 December 2013

THE GOOD WIFE - MY FAVE TV #22


FAVE TV #22 - THE GOOD WIFE

We love The Good Wife. Between being buried in the schedules here in the UK and boxsets, (see also: "Entertainment Debt") we've managed to somehow keep up with every episode.

When I try to explain to mates why it's so good, I always spend about 5 minutes trying to find this clip (most Good Wife clips are purged on the Internet, which makes it difficult for me to advertise it for you, CBS...)



Being a lawyer procedural (though it's way more/better than that...) - there are key points of story development and exposition that are unavoidable. The Good Wife manages to find ways every time to make these moments entertaining, visual, even kinetic.

Here one of the lawyers is visiting an investigator, who to make it more interesting, is a stay-at-home dad. They take a call on a speakerphone, and his kid's toy talking lion happens to be next to the speaker. The entire conversation is shot as if the lion is delivering the news we need to hear. Genius.

--------

The "spit take" is the antithesis of the "double-take". Where the double-take gets its laugh from 'did that just happen?', the spit take is about someone completely getting what just happened.

Acting genius and comedy god Alan Cummings shows us how it should be done.



Drink-in how Eli Gold, Chief of Staff to the Governor Peter Florrick, savours his moment of triumph.

And then the timing of hearing entirely the wrong thing.

Gold! (Eli, Gold)


My full Top 100 TV list is here...

#21 ALL TV MUSIC PERFORMANCES FROM THE 1970'S
#20 Tiswas
#19 The Cinema Ads
#18 Mystery Science Theater 3000
#17 Space Ghost, Coast To Coast
#16 The Adverts
#15 Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation
#14 LE TOUR DE FRANCE
#13 Engelbert Humperdinck on the BBC VT Xmas tape 1979
#12 My favourite clip about writing TV sitcoms
#11 Pipkins
#10 The Best Action Scene Ever, Ever, Ever


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Nanny's Gone - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


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Monday, 2 December 2013

Nanny's Gone - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS - Nanny's Gone -



There's no good way of saying this.

And a lot of bad ways of saying it.

This is what we chose. If you've googled this, hope it helps.
You know that Nanny's been very poorly and that she can't be mended. Well, unfortunately last night she died. We're all going to feel very sad for a while... because we won't see her again.

We left it for the questions to come. And later they did.


All my Dad Lessons For My Kids are here

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COLUMN OF PEN - Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery


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