Thursday, 29 March 2018

What if I write a book of lists that I use for story ideas? List of 10 Negative Character Emotions



I overthink everything to make the world a happier place

What if I write a book of lists that I use for story ideas? List of 10 Negative Character Emotions

What if humans are the only species on the planet who makes lists?

I am in the middle of my next book, which is a list of the lists that I use for writing stories.

I'm not sure that it counts as writing.

The other problem with lists is that you're never sure when you're finished.

But one list is ready and probably the one I use the most:
Every single negative emotion.

Characters have a want - for example, wanting to write a book of lists.

But something blocks them from getting that want.

And that block looks like it’s something outside of the character:
an external thing that they need to get
- for example all the negative emotions to put into the list of negative emotions.

But really, it’s a negative emotion which is stopping them.

And this is the thing that they really need to get around.

So for me it's "FRUSTRATION" with not feeling that it's complete, that's stopping me from publishing this list.

And knowing which negative emotion is driving your character, helps you come up with a solution to the character's problem.

Even - especially - if it’s a wrong solution.

For instance, publishing the list on a blog before the book is written.

Anyway, here's the list of 10 negative emotions and their correct solutions.

With 7 deadly sins.
And 3 extra for fun.

Enjoy. Hope it helps.

UNCOMFORTABLE
Impatient, Uneasy, Distressed, Embarrassment, Shame
SOLUTION: Change your state. Clarify what you want.
Take pride in experience of shame.

FEAR
Concern, Apprehension, Scared, Terrified, Obedient
SOLUTION: Get prepared. Change your perception: eg it’s excitement.

HURT
Sense of loss
SOLUTION: Expectation not met or sense of loss. Evaluate if it’s really a loss.
Change expectation or communicate needs better.

ANGER
Irritated, Resentful, Livid, Rage
SOLUTION: Your rule has been broken. Clarify your rules or change them.

FRUSTRATION
Held back, Hindered in the pursuit of something
SOLUTION: You’re doing same thing over and again and expect different result.
Change your approach.

DISAPPOINTMENT
Sad, Defeated
SOLUTION: Your outcome won’t happen. Change your expectation or a variable, like a timeframe.

GUILT
Regret, Own rule broken
SOLUTION: Make things right. Change present and future behaviours.
Change your perception.

INADEQUACY
Less than, Unworthy, Perfectionist, Pessimism, Procrastination
SOLUTION: Get up and do something to get better or change criteria.
Make your rules less harsh. Take action like practice.

OVERLOADED
Overwhelmed, Hopeless, Depressed
SOLUTION: What’s most important - Necessity vs. desire.
Prioritise. Take one small action: chunk it down.

LONELINESS
Apart, Separate From
SOLUTION: Need connection with others. Clarify connection you need: friendship, laughter, listener? Change approach or perception.

Embrace your negative emotion and use it to inspire action.

Seven Deadly Sins... + 3 more:
LUST
GLUTTONY
GREED
SLOTH
ANGER
ENVY
PRIDE

(& HYPOCRISY, COWARDICE, MISERLINESS)


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What if every time we have a bath, it empties out into the street? #PowerDaydream


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Wednesday, 28 March 2018

What if every time we have a bath, it empties out into the street? #PowerDaydream



I overthink everything to make the world a happier place

What if every time we have a bath, it empties out into the street?

On the doorstep, Neil looks over his Long-Suffering Wife’s shoulder. A foamy torrent rolls down the side of the house, down the street, across the pavement and into the road.

LSW
(horrified)
The whole street knows every time we have a bath.

NEIL
Yeah. Funny isn’t it.

LSW
You’ve seen this already?

NEIL
Um...

LSW
How long.

NEIL
Months?

LSW
The whole street knows every time we have a bath!

NEIL
Oh they don't mind.

LSW
I mind!

NEIL
It's keeping the street clean?

LSW
When, when... can we have a bath without the whole street knowing about it?

NEIL
I fixed the blind.

LSW
But this is worse!

NEIL
I know, but you were worried about the people seeing you through the frosted glass - which you can’t - but I did that first.

LSW
This is so much worse!

NEIL
Yeah.
It is a bit obvious.
Do you think we wash too much or not enough?

LSW tries out old sticks that the kids have left around the front door.

LSW
Why didn’t you tell me about it.

NEIL
Honest - I thought the window was the biggest worry.

LSW
I’ll do it myself.

She pokes at the drain.

NEIL
I’ll go and have a bath.
(off LSW)
To test it!
Did you use all the hot water?

LSW gestures what he’s standing in.

NEIL
Oh, yeah.


Previous post...
Like an angry Ex my UK energy supplier won't let me switch. What if I tell them how that makes me feel? #PowerDaydream #WeAreTheProblem


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Tuesday, 27 March 2018

Like an angry Ex my UK energy supplier won't let me switch. What if I tell them how that makes me feel? #PowerDaydream #WeAreTheProblem



I overthink everything to make the world a happier place

Like an angry Ex, my UK energy supplier won't let me switch.
What if I tell them how that makes me feel?


NEIL SCRATCHES OUT A LETTER ON HIS PAD IN BIRO, NEXT TO PILES OF DEMANDS FROM HIS ENERGY COMPANY.

NEIL
I cannot tell you in words how sad every single interaction with XYZEnergy makes me feel.

The thought of fielding phonecalls from it fills me with less joy, so forgive me for writing this down. I’ll exlpain why.

You and I should be frolicking on the beach, or playing in the park, or hugging our loved ones, or doing something - anything - that makes us better people...
...rather than making yet more profit for XYZEnergy shareholders.

And, I’ve said this on the phone, but want it in writing that if XYZEnergy treats its customers like this, I cannot begin to imagine how it might treat its staff, so I apologise for the crushingly dull and pointless business on which we will now spend our precious, limited lives.

Why has XYZEnergy chosen to withdraw my tariff of Blue+Fixed Price July 2018 - XYZEnergy’s cheapest tariff (and the tariff on which my dual fuel Gas bill was closed on)?

Was the final electricity bill set at a Standard Variable Tariff because it is a cheaper tariff than the one I was on, as an act of kindness?

If so, that’s great, and thank you.

However, I fear that the Standard Variable is XYZEnergy’s most expensive tariff.

Has XYZEnergy switched me to the most expensive tariff because I have had to start a complaint merely to get my electricity account closed down?

It seems XYZEnergy wants me to sign and comply with a pages-long fine print contract.

But at more than one stage it does not want that agreement to apply to XYZEnergy.

Which is why I have had to use my finite life contacting XYZEnergy to inform it
that:

- No action was taken to close my electricty account between 17th August & 18th October.

- XYZEnergy sat on my credit balance until I made a complaint.

- XYZEnergy continued to take money from my bank account 3 times after the date of supplier switch.


I then had to call the new supplier - who confirmed that both meter readings left them in their data stream safely on the 18th August - and because of my call they offered to call XYZEnergy and the third party readings company to manually have XYZEnergy accept my meter reading.

I was then told - when I discovered that XYZEnergy were still debiting my bank account throughout this - even though I'd left XYZEnergy months ago - that XYZEnergy are unable to be sure that further debits will not be taken, because the electricity account was still “active”
(Even though I had left XYZEnergy months ago).

And that I would have to call my bank myself to make sure that XYZEnergy would not take any more money from my bank account.

Now XYZEnergy has chosen to withdraw my cheaper tariff for the Final Electricity Bill.
(Is that true? I do hope it is not and that XYZEnergy has chosen to do something nice).

So what do I do now?

I do not work for XYZEnergy, but I have had to do the work above - which 30 quid goodwill is starting to make me feel somewhat shabby.

XYZEnergy’s seems to be making £53,653 per hour in operating profit, and I’m figuring that the poor complaints team might not be seeing much of that.

Yet XYZEnergy seems to have done nothing to close my electricity account for 2 months, sat on my credit balance until I complained and continued to debit my bank account.

Maybe this is why XYZEnergy is making £53,653 per hour.

And now I am down on XYZEnergy’s level.

What’s that about?

It seems money, and one-sided contracts seems to be the only thing driving XYZEnergy’s unpleasant enterprise.

I have invested - pointing out these basics, and correspondence and phonecalls - I judge about two hours of my life doing work for XYZ, on something that by its own advertising should take zero hours.

Have I got any of this wrong?

Either way, XYZEnergy chooses for there to be a detailed contract between us in this relationship - and so I would prefer to keep our correspondence written to make sure I am not confusing what I am being expected to do at each step.

I would also appreciate an answer from the billion pound utility to my question:

What specific actions, if any, did XYZEnergy take between 17th August and 17th October to close my electricity account?

What specific actions and on what dates did XYZEnergy make to contact the new supplier for a meter reading, and why did it act upon my gas meter reading but not my electricity meter reading?

Right now, fate has delivered you the gift to lift us both up from this.

We need you, thank you.


SHOTS OF ANONYMOUS GENERIC CORPORATE BUILDINGS, PYLONS, GENERATORS, CITY OF LONDON SKYLINE, COOLING TOWERS ETC.

XYZ ENERGY
Thank you for your emails of 9 and 10 November 2017 regarding your complaint. I appreciate you taking the time to highlight the error in the electricity bill you received.

Your prices on the Blue+Fixed Price July 2017 tariff should have been held for electricity, as they were for gas. The difference per unit was 4.45 pence; we billed you for 170 units of electricity on the higher Standard (Variable) prices which totalled £7.57. Allowing for VAT at 5% the total you were overcharged was £7.95. I have applied a credit to the account for this amount today.

I have also spoken to our Business Support team to try and gain some answers for you on what held up the closure of your account.

On 29 July 2017 received the instruction from your new supplier that they would take your supply effective from 17 August 2017. On 20 September 2017 your account was reviewed by our billing team as the account was still showing as live when the supply had been lost. They raised a request to our Business Support team to investigate and fix the issues preventing your account closing in the normal manner; regrettably they were unable to take any action on this until 17 October 2017. At this point they resolved the issues and your account was closed to the readings provided. We normally receive electronic information flows from suppliers during the transfer process to indicate transfer requests, readings and meter details; because of the issues encountered I was unable to see these which lead me to understand that we had not received the information from your new supplier.

In your email you advised that you feel the £30.00 goodwill applied to your account is insufficient in view of the time you have taken to try and resolve this matter. As a company we do not compensate for time because everybody values this differently and we must be seen to treat everyone fairly and equally. I am happy to increase the goodwill offer by a further £50.00 in full and final resolution of your complaint.


NEIL STARES OUT OF THE WINDOW AS THE LETTER CONTINUES.

XYZ ENERGY
Please let me know if this is acceptable and I will credit the account with the £50.00 and send this payment to you.


SHOTS MOVE INTO CLOSE UPS OF ANONYMOUS GENERIC CORPORATE BUILDINGS, PYLONS, GENERATORS, CITY OF LONDON SKYLINE, COOLING TOWERS ETC.

XYZ ENERGY
I am writing further to my email of 10 November 2017, copied below for your reference, regarding your complaint.

We are very keen to ensure your complaint is resolved to your satisfaction. Please can you review this and contact me and let me know if you are happy with the actions I have proposed. If not, then I would be grateful if you could let me know what further actions you would like me to take in order that I can discuss these with my manager and ensure a satisfactory outcome for you.


SHOTS MOVE CLOSER ON NEIL STARING AT HIS HAND WRITTEN LETTER.

NEIL
Thank you for your kind reply. We appreciate it.

I took this to our Board Meeting last night.

It was over turkey meatballs.

Our Chief Financial Officer (my wife) proposes we accept it with thanks.

We would like to accept your kind offer and again appreciate the time you have taken to reply.

The cheque for £7.95 has already arrived.

If there is nothing more for me to do, we will await the final payment you outline in your email and will then consider the matter and our business with XYZ Energy as closed.

With best wishes on XYZ Energy's future hi-jinks and adventures.


Neil Mossey
CEO, Mossey Family


Previous post...
What if all my pants are stripey. Does that make me boring? #PowerDaydream


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Monday, 26 March 2018

What if all my pants are stripey. Does that make me boring? #PowerDaydream



I overthink everything to make the world a better place

What if all my pants are stripey. Does that make me boring?

Long-Suffering Wife spreads laundry all over the bed.
Neil folds his pants into the drawer Marie Kondo style.

NEIL
All my pants are striped.

LSW
(defensive)
It was a hot wash.

NEIL
No -- I mean, my pants. They’re all stripey.

LSW
You just noticed this.

NEIL
Am I boring?

LSW
I don’t think it’s your pants.

NEIL
I’m serious. I can’t believe all my pants are exactly the same.
Stripey.

LSW
So, these are the ones that spark joy?

NEIL
What does that say about me?

LSW
You don’t want spotty ones. Or cartoons. Or anything with words on.

NEIL
What else is there?

LSW
Plain?

NEIL
That’s boring too.

LSW
You like the pants that you wear every day.

NEIL
I only kept the pants that I like-- Love.

LSW
So it means you have no best pants.

NEIL
All of these are my best pants.
That’s my problem.

LSW
Some people only have one pair of best pants.

NEIL
And they probably never even wear them.

LSW
You should wear your best pants every day.

NEIL
Maybe I can draw on them.


Previous post...
What if someone is up my bumper so I just stop the car? #PowerDaydream


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Wednesday, 21 March 2018

What if someone is up my bumper so I just stop the car? #PowerDaydream



I overthink everything to make the world a happier place

What if someone is up my bumper so I just stop the car?

Night time. Neil and Long-Suffering Wife (LSW) are in the car on the A272.
The kids are in the back.

NEIL
He is right up my bum.

The kids giggle.

NEIL
Wherever I go...

REAR VIEW MIRROR: Headlights up the rear bumper.

NEIL
I am always in the way.

LSW
Why not stop the car.

NEIL
Stop the car?

LSW
Stop the car.

NEIL
Here?

LSW
Your driving’s annoying him anyway.

Neil safely brings the car to a complete stop.

NEIL
He doesn’t know what to do.

The Peugeot waits behind.

LSW
So do nothing.

The Peugeot screeches round him with the driver leaning yelling abuse as he speeds off.

LSW
Byeeee.

NEIL
See ya.
(flashing lights like a 3 year old)
Eh - eh.

LSW
No, that’s not how it--

The Peugeot stops dead.

NEIL
Huh. Sorry.
(they're stuck)
Ugh.

Neil pulls in so the confused drivers now pulling up behind him edge round and block in the Peugeot.

LSW
You just can’t help yourself can you.

6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER
Can we go home now?

NEIL
In a minute.

LSW
Daddy’s just annoying somebody.

NEIL
Look, they’re annoyed at him now.

Neil turns round to the back of the car for this pearl.

NEIL
Kids, always always always quit while you’re ahead.

6 YEAR OLD
Or get a lift from someone else.


Previous post...
What if I teach my kids the true meaning of Mothers Day. #PowerDaydream


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Wednesday, 14 March 2018

What if I teach my kids the true meaning of Mothers Day. #PowerDaydream



I overthink everything to make the world a happier place and this is what I overthunk today:

What if I teach my kids the true meaning of Mothers Day.

In the bedroom with LONG-SUFFERING WIFE and 8 YEAR OLD SON.

LSW
You remembered!

SON
Happy Mothers Day!

LSW
These are lovely...

SON
We went to Tesco.
But the only ones left there were 30 quid.
So we didn’t get them there.

LSW
Thank you.

SON
So we drove to Lidl and got these ones.
And look there’s a plastic bird in the middle of them.

LSW
That’s what it is.

SON
These were 6 pounds instead.

NEIL
(LIMP)
Yay. You remembered...


Previous post...
What if my Non-Disclosure Agreement is so Top Secret that it doesn’t even exist? #PowerDaydream


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Tuesday, 13 March 2018

What if my Non-Disclosure Agreement is so Top Secret that it doesn’t even exist? #PowerDaydream



I overthink everything to make the world a happier place

What if my Non-Disclosure Agreement is so Top Secret that it doesn’t even exist?

NEIL is in the car with his LONG-SUFFERING WIFE (LSW)

NEIL
When I write for someone else I have to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement.
An NDA.
It means that I can’t tell anyone that I am doing the work.
It keeps my work for them Top Secret.

But telling people about what I am doing is how I get the work in the first place.

So I get paranoid that I won’t get any new work because I’m not allowed to talk about the work that I’m doing.

So what if - to break this cycle - I start talking about Top Secret work that doesn’t actually exist. No-one can call me out on it.

What if I made up a job description that’s completely Top Dog.

No, I’d make it more plausible - second dog.

Yeah, that’s better. It’d also mean that I’m part of a fake push to make that fake number 2 company Number 1 in my fake job.

But what if I do so really well in this fake job that I end up challenging the fake hierarchy and fake resign. Because I’m not being fake recognised for doing such brilliant fake work at this company whose fake future rests on my fake Top Secret contribution?

That wouldn’t look good at all.
Because now I’d have 2 fake jobs in such a short fake space of time.

I wouldn’t resign from the made up job.
I think I’d fake staying in the fake position.

LSW
Wow. The fake marketplace is tough.


Previous post...
What if we spray stuff Gold to sell online? #POWERDAYDREAM


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Monday, 12 March 2018

What if we spray stuff Gold to sell online? #POWERDAYDREAM



I overthink everything to make the world a happier place

What if we spray stuff Gold to sell online?

Neil walks in on the 8 year-old watching Knight Rider.

8 YEAR OLD
Can we spray the Lego now?

NEIL
We can’t use a whole can just spraying Lego.

8 YEAR OLD
Why not?

NEIL
There must be other things we can spray gold to sell...

Neil lightbulbs and tosses over a sharpie and pad.

NEIL
I know. This’ll be creative. Can you write out 10 other things we can spray gold?

8 YEAR OLD
(HUFF NOISE)

CAPTION: 40 SECONDS LATER.

The scrunched list bounces off Neil’s head.

8 YEAR OLD
There you go. Ten.

NEIL
(UNWRAPPING) Hang on, wait...
(READS)
Lego.
Pen.
Pencil.
Paper.
-- Really pushing yourself.
Card.
(THEN)
A mouse.
A ball.
Mirror.
Toilet seat.
Potty.

Neil stares out the 8 Year Old.

NEIL
This is... genius.

8 YEAR OLD
I know.

He walks off.

NEIL
A golden potty.
That’s brilliant.

8 YEAR OLD
(NEXT DOOR)
You owe me half.


Previous post...
What if our Nutribullet just doesn’t like our soup? #PowerDaydream


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Thursday, 8 March 2018

What if our Nutribullet just doesn’t like our soup? #PowerDaydream



I overthink everything to make the world a happier place.

What if our Nutribullet just doesn’t like our soup?


Neil is in the kitchen (again) with Long-Suffering Wife (LSW).

NEIL
Don’t get mad at me.

LSW’s point of view: Soup is everywhere.

All over the counter.
All over the unused gadgets.
All up the walls.
All over Neil.
The Nutribullet is sat in the middle, dripping in it.

LSW
Did you put the lid on.

NEIL
YES. I was only trying to blend the soup.

LSW
I don’t think you’re meant to use hot--

NEIL
It doesn’t say you can’t.

LSW
No. Except on the Nutribullet.

NEIL
I didn’t see that.

LSW
Or here. On the cup. And the base.

NEIL
Well why do they give you a metal thermal cup then.

LSW
To keep things cold. What was it?

NEIL
Leek and potato.

LSW
With extra counter.


Previous post...
What if my son is finally ready to learn the facts of life. That you don’t talk about them in public. #PowerDaydream


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Wednesday, 7 March 2018

What if my son is finally ready to learn the facts of life. That you don’t talk about them in public. #PowerDaydream



I overthink everything to make the world a happier place:

What if my son is finally ready to learn the facts of life. That you don’t talk about them in public.

Neil is in the kitchen with his Long-Suffering Wife (LSW).

LSW
I think he’s ready. To find out about that kind of stuff. Everything.

NEIL
I didn’t tell you about what happened last Summer.
We were in the queue at the station. It was packed - the ticket office - really long line...
And he goes, really loudly:
“Daddy... Your willy has gone all big!”
(OFF LSW)
But it hadn’t.
It was just my shorts.

LSW
The chunky cream ones.

NEIL
Right. The tan ones. The fabric’s really thick so, you know, they bulge there.
“Daddy - your willy’s gone all big.”

LSW
And?
(OFF NEIL)
What did you say?

NEIL
I can’t remember. I don’t want to remember.
So now I’m stuck.
If I deny it, it looks like I’m lying, and covering it up.

LSW
But if you don’t say anything...

NEIL
It means I’ve got a hard on in the train queue.
In front of my kid.

LSW
You do like trains though.

NEIL
It was the shorts.

LSW
So that’s what you said.

NEIL
I think so. I would’ve said something.

LSW
And then looked like you’re completely covering it up.

NEIL
We’ve got to tell him. I think he’s ready.

LSW
I’m not sure more information’s going to help this.

NEIL
Neither am I. Maybe we could just... tell him absolutely everything.
Overwhelm him into silence.

LSW
Like everyone in the station.


Previous post...
What if I get the doorbell that rings on my phone wherever I am in the world? #PowerDaydream


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Thursday, 1 March 2018

What if I get the doorbell that rings on my phone wherever I am in the world? #PowerDaydream



I overthink everything to make the world a happier place and this is what I overthunk today:

What if I got one of those video doorbells that rings on your phone wherever you are in the world?

It’s a doorbell with a camera so you can see who’s on your doorstep when you’re not there.

This combines my twin loves of spending money and staring out of the window.

What I love about it is that it finally makes my doorstep one more place of fear.

It’s to protect my house, but it costs 150 quid, so now they can just steal the overpriced doorbell.

Better than that - the thief can call me from anywhere in the world.
“Ding dong! Hello. Yeah. Still got it.”

But I hate answering the door.
It’s like I never get there quick enough, so this doorbell link would mean I could stall them while I saunter over... instead of doing that thing where I make a lot of noise getting there so they don’t leave a card.

Be awful if it’s some police officer trying to bring me tragic news.
And I’m just there bellowing back from my app while I’m on the toilet.
"Car crash? Hang on... gnnnn."

And I'm so cheap, I'd probably end up using it as our family camera.
"Smile everybody! Ding dong!"

I think it works by linking to our Wi-Fi, but I’m not sure about putting our house on the web.
I've got the fridge on Youtube doing unboxing videos.
All our food’s going off.
The central heating's trashed my upgrades on Toon Blast.
And the toaster’s trolling me on Linkedin.
I don't care what it says on the profile.
It's not a "Thought Leader".


Previous post...
What if I change all President Donald Trump tweet exclamations into question marks? (And 9 other major improvements for happiness) #PowerDaydream


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