Tuesday, 29 December 2015

That video pilot of round 2 of my British Dad Stuff Gameshow - Fishing stuff out from behind radiators... #BritishDadStuff



So this is the pilot video I shot with my son for Round 2 of the British Dad Stuff Challenge (Working Title)



It's called: "Getting out toys jammed down the backs of radiators using only a strip of hotwheels track" and the rules and background are all on the post from a couple of weeks ago here.

If you can subscribe to my youtube channel, it'll help me come up with Round 3.

Which I think will be "Pushing down the bags in your wheeliebins by standing in them to get more space".

Maybe there'll be a 50/50 Recycling or Normal day sudden death jeopardy.



The Great Work, "Understanding Your British Dad" is here

My previous post is here...
My daughter's plastic jewellery - I'm trying Feminists, honestly, I'm trying #BritishDadStuff


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Monday, 28 December 2015

My daughter's plastic jewellery - I'm trying Feminists, honestly, I'm trying #BritishDadStuff



I tried to encourage my 4-year old daughter to get a science kit or construction set or laser-sword.

Or something that isn't pink.

But she chose this.

I'm trying Feminists, honestly, I'm trying.



All my British Dad Stuff is here

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Man who invented the Shopping Mall... and how it bit him on the bum at home - Fave stuff on the web


Saturday, 26 December 2015

Man who invented the Shopping Mall... and how it bit him on the bum at home - Fave stuff on the web



This is brilliant - Had no idea about this: how shopping malls were invented...
when, why and by whom.

According to this, it's Victor Gruen - who had the best of intentions...
In 1968, Gruen moved from L.A. back to Vienna, back to the greenery and plazas he had been trying to imitate. But he could not escape his own creation.

A shopping mall was being built on the edge of town. In Gruen’s mind, Vienna was already perfect; it didn’t need a mall the way the broken American suburbs did. As he saw it, his original vision had been totally skewed.

About 10 years after his return to Vienna, Gruen gave a speech in which he declared, “I refuse to pay alimony for these bastard developments.”


The link is here...
http://99percentinvisible.org/episode/the-gruen-effect/


The full documentary by Radiolab is here:


And added this to my big fat list of my fave stuff on the web



Previous post...
Pointing out to my kids who's dead in Band Aid, and 15 other British Dad Christmas Pleasures #BritishDadStuff


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Friday, 25 December 2015

Pointing out to my kids who's dead in Band Aid, and 15 other British Dad Christmas Pleasures #BritishDadStuff

I know that this year is the optimum xmas year for my two kids, so I'm trying to log the little pleasures along the way during these 48 hours...
Here goes.



Christmas Pleasures #1
Laughing with my son like Beavis & Butthead for five minutes at The Boy From The Snowman's bum.




Christmas Pleasures #2
Giving my 4 yr old daughter a ride on my back like The Snowman with my chest hair for reins.
(This is the nearest picture I could get. Any closer, and it looks like utter filth).




Christmas Pleasures #3
Wife begging me to get the kids "outside" for some "air".




Christmas Pleasures #4
Being Jolly with the delivery men who've already been round three times while we're out cutting no ice whatsoever.




Christmas Pleasures #5
Laughing with my boy some more like Beavis & Butthead at Santa's bum.




Christmas Pleasures #6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13
Meet "Donner", "Blitzer",
"Comet", "Dancer",
"Cupid", "Dasher",
"Prancer", and good 'ole "Rudolf"




Christmas Pleasures #14
Stopping the kids from playing until all the important notices have been read and kept in a safe place for future reference.




Christmas Pleasures #15
Writing the wi-fi code as big as I can on the living room mirror.




Christmas Pleasures #16
Pointing out which of Band Aid are dead to completely uninterested kids every time it's on like my parents did with Dad's Army.




Christmas Pleasures #16
Personalised Nutella!
(Love that they used the correct brand colours).




All my British Dad Stuff is here

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Fishing out toys from behind the radiators using only a strip of Hotwheels track British Dad Challenge - another #BritishDadStuff Gameshow Round...


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Monday, 30 November 2015

Fishing out toys from behind the radiators using only a strip of Hotwheels track British Dad Challenge - another #BritishDadStuff Gameshow Round...



You know you're a British Dad when...

...you find yourself lying down with a strip of HotWheels™ track,
trying to fish out toys that have been jammed down the back of the radiators.


Last week, the first round was trying to walk across the kids bedroom floor with bare feet.
This was the first round written years ago,
but annoyingly published on the exact day Lego decide to release lego slippers.

So this is the next round for my British Dad Stuff Gameshow:

Fishing things out that have been jammed behind the radiators...
with only a single strip of Hot Wheels™ track.

Had a bit of a problem developing this round.
We threw out a load of the plastic stuff on the last plastic purge
- there should be a national holiday for that, with it's own character.
(He's going to be called the "Night-time Midnight Plastic, Crap Toy Bin Bag Man".
I've written a song and everything)

Anyway, got the son to film the pilot and might post the video to share the road test.

Tip: The trick with this round is that you spend 5 minutes with a single track before working out that you need a section bit of track to pincer and scissor out the toys from the bottom up, to get the bulkier ones like Big Jigs™ train carriages round the skirting...



All my British Dad Stuff is here

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Oh Lord, wont you buy me... a sacred and profane combination for brilliant ideas #scriptchat

Friday, 27 November 2015

Oh Lord, wont you buy me... a sacred and profane combination for brilliant ideas #scriptchat



There's a theory that when you combined the SACRED with the PROFANE,
...you end up with art (actual art, or drama, or comedy, or music) that's a little bit more powerful.


Every Friday I add to the list, and this is literally my very last bunch of "Sacreds" I could scrape together...

(I've got another 21 profanes...
can anyone help out with some more sacreds to take this up to Christmas???)

Oh Lord, won't you buy me, a Mercedes-Benz

Prayer (sacred),
Oh Lord (sacred)...

with
... Buy me (profane),
a luxury brand car (profane, profane, profane)

Here's this week's ten of each.



Fresh
Hair
Hug
Book
Space
Egg
Heaven
Fruit
Laughter
Drift


Jealousy
Anger
Lust
Laziness
Forgetting
Boxing
Zimmer Frame
Photography
Mould
Outlet


The (nearly complete) big fat list of Sacred and Profanes is here

I'm REALLY running low on Sacreds... can you think of any?
Huge appreciation for any in comments below

or tweet me!

What do you think? Comments below All my British Dad Stuff is here

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Again in the coffee shop with my new inner arm tattoo. #ArmTattooWisdom


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Monday, 23 November 2015

Stingy Star Wars - delight your kids with how to make a new lightsaber on the cheap #StarWars #TightwadDad



Getting ready for the Star Wars Universe to Use The Force on my wallet... and shake down our household.

Man, I'd love The Empire to invade Princess Elsa's Arendelle.

Get the Frozen and Rebel Alliance merchandise thing done in one hit.

(Still saving up for the Princess Anna "Take Me Up The North Mountain" SatNav kit).

Last week it was the Austerity Star Wars Value Darth Vader gift idea.

This week, it's just the thing for a poor Padwan: how to build your own lightsaber.
Green one.
For the goodies.

It was either the picture above, or the one below... I can't decide.

Got a bit of a hassle from the young Jedi knight in the house - he didn't quite buy me dressing it up as something from the back of Watto's Junkyard.

You might need a better story to pull this one off.
Whooom - whooomm - look, it slices!
Whooom...




Look, I clearly need help.
If you've got any more ideas for Stingy Star Wars merch, leave me a comment below

Or drop me a tweet!


All my British Dad Stuff is here

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Cheerleaders meeting actual men. It's jawdropping cos it's sacred and profane, and here's my next ten. #amwriting


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Friday, 20 November 2015

Cheerleaders meeting actual men. It's jawdropping cos it's sacred and profane, and here's my next ten. #amwriting



"Sacred and Profane" is a theory that if you put two polar opposites together:

something inherently "Good" (sacred) and "Evil" (profane)

they generate something more powerful, compelling, jawdropping or funny.

I'm finding it really difficult to get hold of any more "Sacreds"
- got loads of profanities, for some reason.

So before that well runs completely dry... behold...




Competition winners meeting a Lakers cheerleader

You know it's wrong.
You know it's really funny.
But what is it?

Family photo (sacred) vs. advertising (profane)

or

Pristine (sacred) vs. messy (profane)

or

Real life (sacred) vs. marketing image (profane)

or

Feminine (sacred) vs. Male (profane)

Who cares, there are bunches more here



and here's my new ten of each for this week.




Cloth
Inscription
Traditional
Silk
Bishop
Face
Kitchen
Musical
Female
Meadow


Gutter
Execution
Electrolarynx
Miserliness
Short-Term
Projector
Adornments
Rusty
Whip
Greed


The (nearly complete) big fat list of Sacred and Profanes is here

I'm REALLY running low on Sacreds... can you think of any?
Huge appreciation for any in comments below

or tweet me!

What do you think? Comments below All my British Dad Stuff is here

Previous post...
Austerity Star Wars gift idea - Darth Vader Action Figure #TightwadDad


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Thursday, 19 November 2015

Austerity Star Wars gift idea - Darth Vader Action Figure #TightwadDad



You know you're a tightwad dad when...

You have ideas for Star Wars gifts.

That are cheap.

This is my Darth Vader action figure.

From Asda in the toiletries department.

Didn't know whether to go with the picture above...

Or this one below.



Got any other cheap Star Wars gift tips?



All my British Dad Stuff is here

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Nan talking about Doodlebugs flying over Wartime London while giving birth... part 3


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Wednesday, 18 November 2015

Nan talking about Doodlebugs flying over Wartime London while giving birth... part 3



Shot this video below last year, and using it as an intro to Part 3 of Nan talking about life in Wartime London (and Brighton and Bournemouth, where she was stationed).

It's what got me (a year later) to finally upload it to YouTube.

Press CC for subtitles - there's a full transcript below.
Hoping the intro will lead into the chat, shot 6 years ago.

This video includes:
0:00 On buying a wedding ring in wartime Bournemouth
1:10 Waching the doodlebugs (flying bombs) from her maternity hospital bed flying across Shepherd's Bush
2:00 More on working for the Royal Australian Air Force as a WAAF.
3:50 On planning for a wartime wedding in Ealing
6:00 Everyday sexism from a British RAF sergeant
6:30 Kath's engagement in 1942



Transcript (timings are for the full video here)

22:14
So you were sent to Brighton, when you go to Brighton, do you know for how long it's going to be?
No. I didn't know that. No. 'Cos it's was Bournemouth, I didn't know how long we were gonna be at Bournemouth. 'Cos I bought my wedding ring there. It was a jewellers along there. And I could only get platinum.

22:38
So when you went to Brighton, you were still coming home to London?
That's right, I didn't get home so quick from Bournemouth. I can't remember how long we were in Bournemouth. If your Dad were here, if Grandad were here, he'd know.

22:56
It's funny I can blot out things. I do blot out things. And some things you know really clearly. Yes, I can see it. But other things I can blot out and forget it completely.

23:10
So when you're in Brighton, you're working on the seafront, basically?
Yes, in the Metropole.
And was it odd, did you see planes flying over?
No, no.

Queen Charlotte's Hospital
The hospital in 1985. (source)


The actual windows of the Queen Charlotte's maternity hospital in 1965, (when Ringo Starr's son was born there - source)

23:24
It was worse when I got back and had your Dad.
I was in Queen Charlotte's (Stamford Brook August 1944) and we could watch the Doodlebugs going across, you know, with all the flame outside the back of it.

We knew it was going to drop it somewhere.
Didn't have anything like that at (Brighton) - we had barbed wire across the front, of course, but nothing else...



Doodlebug (V1 Rocket) before... and after (1944) - explained here

23:57
I wanted to ask again about... because dad's quite hazy about... the later years of the war... but um, so basically it sounds like quite an office job?
Office work, that's right.
Typing the same as I'd been doing.
Stencilling for the officers, for the Australian Officers.
Some had died, you know and some had got illness, it was all on there.

24:30
So all the information would come into Brighton, and it would be typed up and would go off to different records?
I suppose it would. I don't know where we put them.
We had a sergeant in charge of us. Was that a WAAF sergeant?
No, it was a man sargeant. Was he Australian? No he was English.
That's funny, isn't it... It feels odd that all the British organised their admin.

25:00
This girl, Georgina, she did their laundry. She patches the Australian's laundry that needed to go out.
So were the Australians in Brighton?
Yes they were actually in the hotel, in the rest of the hotel. The Metropole.
Were they just the officers?
No, not only the officers. Other airmen as well. I think there were flyers...

25.35
And this was their base, and then they'd send them off to an airfield?
They must do... send them to an airfield yes. We'd have some fun with those. They'd come in the office, you know... They must've been really far from home. Yes, they were, weren't they.

25.55
So you said you had a couple of friends. One of them did the laundry.
Yes, I can't remember what Anne did now... it was the other girl. She lived in Southampton. She recommended the woman where we went to, like a B&B in Torquay for our honeymoon. And she'd recommended it.

I think she came to our wedding... When you think really, they're quite selfish, aren't you. Because I think my Dad saw to her. I'm sure he did. I don't know whether she stayed the night at home. My Dad was... I didn't even ask how much you know, the cost of the wedding or anything. I've looked back and thought, "how selfish I must've been". That's the whole point of a wedding. "I'm spoilt" as my sister would say. That's the whole point isn't it, it's supposed to be a family event for the bride. I think Carolyn did more, didn't she. And I think your Mum had to get insurance for that wedding. Did she? That's what Jean told me, I didn't even know that. Cos Jean said she doesn't know if she could've done that. I think you can buy them off the shelf, can't you. I don't know what it covers. Well of course Kirsty is going to get married, isn't she. When she can afford it.

27:38
Because I've not even got to the wedding yet. Can you remember any of the Australians? Can you remember what they were like? Or who they were? Or... anything.
No, just a bit of fun you know when we'd meet up. I don't think I ever went out with one. I used to go out with a Canadian in Bournemouth. And one of the Canadians taught me how to play snooker.

Was this in Bournemouth?
That's in Bournemouth, yes. But we didn't go out with any of the Australians - none of us.

28:12
What was your day like? Was it a 9-5? Was it quite military?
Yes it'd be like that - I can't remember the time, but that's what it would be like. Because it sounds like - you had to be there in office time.
It sounds like it was organised like an office, rather than a military... it was... office-like.

28:36
Because I didn't like the sergeant - that male sergeant. I had my ring taken off - because it had to be made smaller. And of course he'd make jibes then. Oh, you're trying to leave your wedding ring behind... and make out your not married. These kind of things. He wasn't a very nice man. There's other things he probably said, that's why I didn't like him.

28:59
And were you engaged at the time?
Yes I was engaged. When did you get engaged? At 21? When I was 21.
So that was 1942, when you went to Brighton.
I think it was before then... It was before my birthday. Before I was called up.
So you were called up after your birthday?
I'm sure it must've been. In the probably towards the end of the year. I think it must've been November. Oh god, so you were in Morecambe in November/December? Mmmm.
I can't remember if I came home that first Christmas. I can't remember. Can't remember that.




Full transcript and the other videos, are all here...

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I'm not a Dad. I'm a Netflix projectionist. #BritishDadStuff


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Tuesday, 17 November 2015

I'm not a Dad. I'm a Netflix projectionist. #BritishDadStuff



As a Dad, I have many roles to play within the family.

But none is more cherished than that of "Netflix Projectionist."

I say that.

But from the industry I'm in, it's not quite as grand.

It's more of an assistant video playback operator.

And one who's constantly missing his cues.

"Dad, can you pause it?"

"Dad, it's stopped."

"Dad can you press play."

"Dad, the sound's not there."

"Dad, I need a wee. Pause it again please."

It's just a war of attrition to get me to let them have direct access to the Netflix.
They will not win.
I will be playing the Netflix when they are in their twenties.

That's if they don't crack our access all areas passcode.

Always shield our PIN.




And then there's decoding the titles.

So I'd like to think I'm Artistic Director, or Channel Controller.

But it's more like translator/psychic.


"Dad, that's for girls."

"No Daddy, that's boys."

"No not that one. The other one.
The one with the gaps at the beginning."

"Wooly and the Jungle Book." (huh?)

"Mogler, Daddy. Mogler, please. Mogler? Mogler."



Funny that.

My YouTube home page looks like a deranged maniac.

They bent my Google algorithm.





All my British Dad Stuff is here

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Seen any funny foreign language TV comedy sketches? Got any good ones?


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Monday, 16 November 2015

Seen any funny foreign language TV comedy sketches? Got any good ones? - Fave TV #33



Working on an idea for BBC Four.
In my head.

BBC Four love their foreign language dramas.

So my idea is for a foreign language sketch show.


It will be known as the Foreign language sketch shows show.

Or Funny Foreigners.


Have you seen any that make your jaw drop?

Here are some bizarre ones to get started.

Not safe for work.

Or, maybe anywhere.

This is from Áramótaskaupið,


Klovn - God Jul Frank



Thanks for any you can tweet me, or Leave in the comments below!

This is from Nick

Medieval helpdesk with English subtitles



Some random other ones I haven't even looked through yet.

This could take a while to wade through.

I will factor that into my programme pitch.

Stelpurnar


Fóstbræður



Got any others? Thanks for any links!

All my British Dad Stuff is here

Previous post...
Got my new inner arm tattoo changed... because it's #armtattoowisdom

Friday, 13 November 2015

Dogs pooing in the back of family photos. Love it cos it's sacred and profane, and here's some more. #amwriting

Every Friday I add to my lists of Sacred and Profane.
Two opposites, which if you put them together sometimes generates funnier or more dramatic prompts and ideas.
I think next year, I'll put all of these into two hats and draw them out each week.
Like some kind of Euromillions draw...

Anyway, here's the ten of each for this week.



Dogs pooing in the back of family photos.

At first sight, it looks like
Family photos (sacred) vs. Excretion (profane)

But it could also be...

Natural behaviour (sacred) vs. Posing (profane)

Dogs (nature=sacred) vs. Photography (technology=profane)

There's a whole load of them online.



Zen
Reading
Help
Cheyenne
Suburban
Prayer
Turf
Slow
Cottage
Order


Copying
Trucking
Boasting
Baubles
Kazoo
Yelling
Whiteboard
Pride
Air bags
Facebook


The big fat list of Sacred and Profanes is here

I'm running short on Sacreds... can you think of any?
I'd appreciate any comments below

or tweet me!

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Any and every James Hunt documentary... My Fave TV #32


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Thursday, 12 November 2015