Tuesday, 17 April 2018

What if I am incapable of looking after my own personal data? #WeAreTheProblem

I overthink everything to make the world a happier place

What if I am incapable of looking after my own personal data?

I am completely incapable of looking after my own personal data.
I have given away so much.
I sing like a canary.
I don’t know who has what or why.

I love being data-mined: The electricity company wanted to know my first born’s name and date of birth.
“That's great! Are you going to make him a birthday cake?”
They said “Only if the oven’s electric.”
They’ve got an answer for everything.

They said that in an emergency, they know where all the vulnerable people are.
Yep. They used those words.
Like a serial killer. With the highest tariffs and a 20 minute switchboard hold.
And what emergency?
For what I’m paying, I want them there with a bedtime story and batteries for the DS.

They keep telling us: “You’ve got nothing to fear if you’ve got nothing to hide.”
I’ve got loads to hide.
Doesn’t everyone?
That is a lot of fear.

So, I figured that if I get all of this stuff online for free... with the data I’ve got.
Maybe I could give them even more data to get even more stuff for free.

But now I can’t remember what data I’ve given to what company.

Every time I login I forget my fake details, so I register with them again.
And my details are getting faker and faker.

My bank asked me a really simple question:
“What is your name?”
So I told them.
“Er... uhm. Jehengir. I think. That’s I-t-h-i-n-k.”
“Date of birth?”
“Easy. Bottom of the menu. 1918.”
“And your place of birth?”
“In the woods.
And my mother’s maiden name is AwwwwoooooOOO!”

I have created so many other people online...
And they are all doing way better than me.
I hope they get hacked.

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What if no caravan can contain this? #WeAreTheProblem

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