Sunday, 26 November 2017

When you try to avoid Shoe Shop Guilt... Just try it. You can't. #DadDirt



Saturday afternoon shop chaos.
MUM is with her 6 year old daughter - finally catching the attention from twenty-something SHOE SHOP GIRL.

MUM
Hi, thanks, I need a pair for my daughter.

SHOE SHOP GIRL
They come with flashing lights, badges, stickers or a toy--

MUM
I know and I don't care.
I just want to buy one pair of shoes, that don't come with any guilt.

SHOE SHOP GIRL
You want to buy shoes. Here.
Without the guilt that comes with buying shoes here.

MUM
I know it's a long shot.

SHOE SHOP GIRL
And they're for school

MUM
(sigh)
One week before the end of term.

SHOE SHOP GIRL
So there's no way out of this.

MUM
No guilt.
I know that it can be done.

SHOE SHOP GIRL
And you're saying that while I've got this right here.

CLUNK CLUNK. She cocks the foot measuring machine in front of Mum's face.

MUM
Keep it coming--

SHOE SHOP GIRL
So you want no guilt, while I use this unnecessarily huge contraption... that records in three dimensions...

MUM
I'm ready for it.

SHOE SHOP GIRL
Length, width and height of the feet of the child that came from your womb--

MUM
They're just shoes.

SHOE SHOP GIRL
(to girl)
9G! Oh my, have you grown!
Because the shoes you're wearing are--

MUM
8F. I know.

SHOE SHOP GIRL
8F? Ffffff.
I'm measuring the other foot because they can be different sizes and we must make sure they don't harm your child's natural growth--

MUM
They'll last less than 3 months.

SHOE SHOP GIRL
So we don't want to permanently disfigure them.

MUM
(Long pause)
They're the same?

SHOE SHOP GIRL
(Longer pause)
They're the same.
(putting shoes on the girl)
So let's try these on.

MUM
Are those certificates on the wall there yours?

SHOE SHOP GIRL
We are shoe experts.

MUM
I bet you've had a whole night's sleep.

The shoes are on the daughter.

SHOE SHOP GIRL
How does that feel?

6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER
Good--

SHOE SHOP GIRL
Not you. Your mother.

MUM
You haven't even got any yoghurt down your top.

SHOE SHOP GIRL
(perky, to daughter)
Do you want to try them out?

6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER
Yes please.

THUNK.

She kicks the SHOE SHOP GIRL clean in the face.

MUM
(sigh)
They'll do.
(to daughter)
Come on, let's get some lunch.

6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER
Something that completely destroys my teeth?

MUM
Yeah. You deserve it.


Previous post...
How to stop hiccupping (or hiccoughing) and how to make an infographic - Tips and Tricks for my Kids #DadDirt


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