Thursday, 9 November 2017

I love it when people ask me to look after their stuff on the train #DadDirt

You know that you are a Great British Dad when... can't take any more responsibility than you have to.

DAD is staring out of the window.

A COMMUTER opposite gets up, hesitant to leave his laptop, bag and jacket.

He makes a beeline for DAD.

Excuse me.
Would you look after my stuff while I’m in the toilet?


The COMMUTER toddles off and DAD seethes.

(to himself)
I don’t want to worry about someone else’s stuff.
I’ve got my own stuff to worry about.

Like you’re going to hold me to it if your stuff gets nicked.

You’re putting all this stress on me, just to reassure yourself that nothing bad will happen to your stuff.

And now, I’m responsible for your stuff.

You’ve got a bag.
Why can’t you at least put the damn laptop in it and take it to the toilet with you?

Hang on.
If you’re not going to actually hold me to it if your stuff really does get nicked...

DAD gets up and goes over to the commuter’s seat.

(to himself)
I absolutely have to go through your stuff, and steal as much as possible.

He rifles through the Commuter’s bag and jacket, pocketing gadgets and valuables.

It’s good for you to confront your fears, instead of relying on total strangers as some kind of mental prop that has no support whatsoever and-- What am I doing?!

DAD frantically crams all the loot back to where he got it from.

Quiiick, he’s coming back...

Like a flash everything is returned and DAD is impossibly back in his seat as if nothing happened.

Thanks for looking after my stuff.

No problem.

DAD double-takes his table.

(to himself) Where’s my paper.
And my pen.
My jacket?
Where’s my jacket gone?

Previous post...
Here's how I know that I am Not The Worst Man In The World #DadDirt

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