Thursday, 16 November 2017

Blob of come in the coffee shop #DadDirt




DAD comes out of the coffee shop toilets and walks through the tables to get back to MUM.

He sits down back at his table and MUM goes purple.

MUM
There’s a--

DAD wipes his cheek for crumbs.

MUM
No - down there.

DAD
It’s okay - I haven’t wet myself.

MUM
No - on your other leg.

DAD
Those sinks splash a lot.

MUM
You just walked through the entire shop with THAT on your leg.

DAD
What do you think it is?

MUM
On your leg - there’s a blob of come.

DAD
Huh.

MUM
What do you think they’ll think you were doing in there?

DAD
It’s just some soap.

MUM gets up to announce this to the shop.

MUM
Everybody! It’s just soap!
On his leg! It’s only soap.
It’s not a blob of come!

Silence. The coffee shop is in shock.

DAD
Thanks. What do I do now?

A MEMBER OF STAFF goes into the toilet carrying a BIG CONTAINER OF LIQUID SOAP.

MUM
See! New soap.

MUM gets up again, to announce.

MUM
Because he used the last of it up.
That’s proof that it’s just soap on his leg.
It’s not a blob of come!

The coffee shop is still silent. Cough.

DAD
You know, I could probably do with something to distract from this right now.

Click! The MEMBER OF STAFF leaves the bathroom.

MUM
Look! On his leg. There’s a blob of come!

Nothing.

MUM
I tried.


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Me Vs The Sugar Cereal Box Monster. Thanks supermarkets. #DadDirt


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