Wednesday, 25 October 2017

Taking the world's biggest dump on a National Trust path #DadDirt



A FAMILY with a little girl pass a PAIR OF WALKERS up a hill on a National Trust path.

WALKERS
Hello! / Hello!
Oh... that’s disgusting.

There’s a huge turd on the path.

WALKERS
Mind out! Mind the child./ Don’t step in it!

MUM AND DAD
Phew, that was close.
Thank you.

WALKER 1
Some people - honestly.

DAD
Who would let their dog do that on a National Trust path.
On a path cut by the very hand of the world’s first pioneering ecologist Gilbert White so long ago.
And this - right here this - is where someone thinks is the best place to take the world’s biggest dump.
Like it’s some kind of massive litter tray.
That’s awful.
Slap bang square in the middle of this perfectly maintained gravel path - preserved for decades by the National Trust - midwife’ing a heap so big...

WALKER 2
Was it your dog?

MUM
(unconvincing)
No! But maybe... isn’t it funny, even... that Gilbert White insisted on the importance of observing animals, at work, in nature...

MUM and DAD shoot each other a guilty look.

WALKER 1
It was your dog.

DAD
(unconvincing)
Bad dog.

They call for their dog.

DAD AND MUM
Gemma! / Murphy!

6 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER
Mummy, I think I need to go again.

She’s squatting on the path.

MUM
(limp)
I haven’t got a bag. Have you--

The walkers are well gone.


Previous post...
I think I hate your bolognese and I don't know how to tell you #DadDirt


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