Monday, 30 October 2017

My Energy Company is a stroppy ex-girlfriend who can't face that it's over #DadDirt



I’m on the phone, to my energy company.

ENERGY COMPANY
How can we help?

ME
I changed supplier on the 17th August, and it’s now 19th October, and you still haven’t closed my account.

ENERGY COMPANY
Let me take a look at that for you: yes we still haven’t received your electricity meter reading from your new supplier.

ME
But it’s over two months now.

ENERGY COMPANY
We know, but we can’t do anything until we receive that meter reading - which is checked by a third party company.

ME
But, it’s over two months now.
Am... am I in debt to you?

ENERGY COMPANY
Oh no - you’re in credit.
£189

ME
So you owe me £189.

ENERGY COMPANY
Yes - we can pay it to you now, but the account is still active and so we will have to issue final bills whether you have that money now or not.

ME
But it’s two months since I left.

ENERGY COMPANY
Yes, and the problem is for you to raise with your new supplier. We’re doing all we can to get that final electricity meter reading.

ME
But, you’ve got the gas meter reading?

ENERGY COMPANY
Oh yes.

ME
So you’re saying they’ve sent you the gas reading okay, but not the electricity reading.

ENERGY COMPANY
That’s right. We’ll try to contact them again.

ME
Can’t I give you the meter reading. I’ve got it right here.

ENERGY COMPANY
Oh no. It’s got to come from... them.

ME
I just want this to be over.
It’s 2 months since I left.
We’re through.

ENERGY COMPANY
Please don’t go.

ME
Excuse me.

ENERGY COMPANY
We know we pushed our luck - raising our lowest tarriff like that - but, we can change.

ME
You raised it by over 20%.

ENERGY COMPANY
We couldn’t help it. You know we like lifting things when we got together.

ME
Can I just get my £189 quid back?

ENERGY COMPANY
You can... If you really want it.
But could you come over to to get it?
We’ve washed it for you.
Maybe... you’d want to see our tarriffs again.

ME
(crumple)
I do miss your tarriffs.

ENERGY COMPANY
And our letters... Didn’t you find them... impenetrable.

ME
(groan)
Yes. Your letters are... impenetrable.

ENERGY COMPANY
So c’mon. You can totally have it. But do you really want your 189 pounds back now?

ME
I’m so weak.
Let me just make a call.
Stay there.

ENERGY COMPANY
We’re right here.
With your £189 pounds.

I dial a number.

NEW SUPPLIER
Hiya, how’s it going?

ME
Brilliantly - thanks - listen, I’m really sorry to bug you with this, but... did my ex-call you?

NEW SUPPLIER
Uh, don’t think so.

ME
They said they called a few times.

NEW SUPPLIER
Nope - we sent over the meter readings on the 18th August.
Does that help?

ME
Gas and Electricity?

NEW SUPPLIER
Yep! Went out as part of our data stream.

ME
Huh. You’ve got a really cute data stream.

NEW SUPPLIER
I know.
And it’s all for you.
Hey, did you put the oven on?

ME
Yeah - I’m - oh, you’ll see what it is later.

NEW SUPPLIER
Okay. Bye!

I dial again.

ME
I want this to stop.

ENERGY COMPANY
No.
You can have the money back but we’re not closing that Electricty account.

ME
Close my account.

ENERGY COMPANY
No, you have to complete the complaints process.

ME
You said you called the New Supplier.

ENERGY COMPANY
What, you’d think we’d call that cow.
What have they got that we haven’t?

ME
They don’t put their lowest tarriffs up while making comparisons as if I were on the most expensive tarriff so that it looks like a saving!
Yet.

ENERGY COMPANY
Oh that again.
Give it a rest.
You’re like a broken record.

ME
I really thought we had something.

ENERGY COMPANY
We did.
And it was £189.
Which you can have back but we’re going to have to stay in touch.
Don’t leave.
Think of the quids.

ME
You take all the time you need.


Previous post...
Married name or not married name? Either way women do all the work getting companies to change them #DadDirt


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