Tuesday, 31 October 2017

I can't remember all of my sex even though it's my favourite thing #DadDirt




MUM and DAD are stirring porridge.

MUM
You okay?

DAD
I think, of all the things in the world, I think I like having sex the most.

MUM
I am so glad I asked.

DAD
So why can’t I remember any of it?

MUM
You’ve forgotten all your sex.

DAD
Yeah. All I can remember is just snippets.
Not entire sessions.

MUM
Thanks.

DAD
No - not just with you.
It’s always been the best thing in my life - each time it’s happened has been a joy and a wonder and a surprise.

MUM
Even when it’s gone bad.

DAD
Especially when it’s gone bad - I want to know how to remember more.

MUM
It’s because you need to pay more attention.

DAD
(oblivious)
It’s weird because I am there - Taking it all in. So to speak. So how come I only remember the weird stuff - the stuff that’s a little off-piste or plain wrong?

MUM
You need to pay more attention--

DAD
I can remember the...
(sings it)
... the LWT theme tune. I even remember the shortlived 1990’s...
(sings it)
...rebrand. I remember Tesco adverts: “here’s a cheerful sole instead”.
But not the very activity that makes me the happiest.

MUM
You need to pay more--

DAD
I can even remember the name of the mechanic in CHiPs.

MUM
Harlan.

DAD
You remember the name of the mechanic in CHiPs.

MUM
Maybe because I pay attention.

DAD
Maybe I should try that.

MUM
I can’t wait.



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