Thursday, 11 May 2017

My wife thinks I'm the kind to pick up paper in a public toilet #DadDirt



You know that you are a Great British Dad when...
...you're always picking up after someone else.


I'm at the Dinner Table with my Long-Suffering Wife (LSW).

LSW
In the coffee shop toilet. There's strips of paper on the floor. Would you pick them up and flush them away?

ME
(INSIDE) What have I done now?

LSW
It only takes a second, and noone wants to walk in on that.

ME
I would too. I don't want the next person thinking they're mine.

LSW
How can you be the kind of person to just leave it there? It's yours.

ME
You've sat on it.

LSW
Why would you not pick it up?

ME
I guess we're the kind of people to just be picking up toilet paper.

LSW
Why can't we just leave the toilet paper where it is?

ME
It's toilet paper.

LSW
It's a bit like the garlic bread yesterday. You'd think the frozen would be cheaper, wouldn't you, so I got some.

I'm nodding like I'm following the connection.

LSW
But when I went to the chilled, the fresh garlic bread was cheaper.

ME
Than the frozen? That's weird.

LSW
Right, so now I'm at the checkout. Why can't I just leave it at the checkout? But I feel like I'm being watched - I always do when I'm in there.

ME
You didn't take it back.

LSW
I did. I took it back to the freezer.

ME
Literally no-one will care that you did that. In fact, it's the store's fault for charging extra for the frozen.

LSW
Freezer justice.

ME
You couldn't deliver the freezer justice.

LSW
And that's why we're picking up other people's toilet paper.


Previous post...
Trying to monetise my dead Grandmother talking about the War #DadDirt


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