Tuesday, 13 September 2016
I Want To Be A Solar Panel Farm Farmer - BritishDadStuff
You know that you are a Great British Dad...
...when you imagine out a whole new career path.
Down our way, fields have sprung up, filled with loads of solar panels.
I'm going to put my hands up right now and call it.
I want to be a solar panel farm farmer.
My Wife saw straight through my plan.
She said that I only wanted to do it because in my head - the only work I'd do is wiping them down now and again.
And even then, I'd only do it if I'm bored.
Or meant to be doing something else.
But that's harsh, because she could be the Solar Panel Farm Farmer's Wife... and run our Solar Panel Farm Shop...
We could sell Free Range batteries... and solar powered calculators... and I've clearly not thought this through.
Right now, though, I worked out that I can start small and build up to it.
I'll start a solar powered allotment.
I'll get a load of garden lights from Poundland, and work my way up to a proper panel.
I know this dream is serious, because I stare at the panels on people's houses.
And it's the same every time - "Look at all that roof they've wasted".
That's how I know I'm gonna be a bad Solar Panel Farm Farmer.
I'll over-do it and cover the whole roof.
And any bit of land I can put a panel on.
It'll look like a big bad boxy roof.
I'll have so many panels, I won't be able to see a damn thing inside it.
And then I'll probably start sending estimated bills to myself.
"Don't tell me you didn't put them lights on...
I know you're using them right now to read this Final Demand."
I'd be a horrible supplier.
I'd threaten court action... and disconnection.
Which'd be a pain because I'd have to get past all the panels.
But then I would win.
Because I can burn the letters.
And put myself a Duel Fuel Tarriff.
My complete guide to Understanding Your British Dad is coming together here
My son's very first swear - #BritishDadStuff