Monday, 18 July 2016
My supermarket review from every single living week #British Dad Stuff
You know that you're a Great British Dad...
...when your reviews on Google+ are only there to help other Dads.
Here's one I left for a big supermarket on Google maps the other day.
★★★★★ We treat this place like a theme park.
It costs about the same to visit, and there's plenty to do.
Aisles 1-5 are spent yelling "No" when the kids just want to get to the toy aisle. When we finally get to the toy shelves, that's where the No's end and the fun really begins!
"I've put it on the list"
(there is no "list"),
"I've got no money",
"Daddy's got a terrible job",
"We should use less electricity",
"You've got one already",
"You won't want to play with it tomorrow",
"you won't, I promise you, it'll be just like the X-wing that's in bits under the stairs",
"yes you could try tidying your bedroom, but how about doing it for love",
"I need to buy some food now",
"I don't care, you can lie there all day if you like",
"you're in the way now - mind the lady",
"do you want to sit on my head?"
"I only came in for some milk",
"Please can we go now?".
And then we're done.
Time for a bit more "no" in the soft cheese aisle (for some reason - usually over something with cartoons on it).
There's no "no's" in fruit and veg, obvs.
But just when you think it's over... checkouts!
Four shelves of pure 100% NO - right by the tills...
It's the ASDAs theme park gift shop.
"No, you can't have a Kinder Surprise"
"Or a Mars bar."
"You don't even like peanuts."
"Please don't touch."
"I know it's right in front of you, that's why they put it there."
"Please... put it back."
"Help Daddy put the things on the conveyor belt."
"The things in the trolley, not the Kinder Surprise."
"I don't care if it's rolling."
And don't forget to add the nice photo.
My complete guide to Understanding Your British Dad is coming together here
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