Tuesday, 24 May 2016
Rubber bands rechargeable batteries and socks. Its all I need. #BritishDadStuff
You know you're a Great British Dad...
...when you've only got 3 things to do the job.
Turns out I can't be a Dad without these 3 things.
Rubber bands, rechargeable batteries and socks.
Our postman is so thoughtless. He doesn't dump his rubber bands on our doorstep, path or street.
So we've got to buy them, from the Pound Shop, like a chump.
Before we bought a big bag of bands - our barren band times - life was chaos.
We wrap so much food in elastic bands, that we'll need bigger ones for our stomachs.
This is my battery charger.
The technical make of it is that it's a big-ass one.
I found it in the loft and it changed my life.
Because it means I don't get lumbered with the "Dead Battery Jar".
I need a Dead Battery Jar, because before the Dead Battery Jar our dead batteries were evenly distributed around the house.
My life is spent charging up stuff.
Which is the time I spend between filling up the water in the water filter jug.
Laptops, phones, toothbrushes (toothbrushes?), and my spare battery charger.
At night, my room looks like Sniper Alley.
Or the Blue Peter Totaliser round November.
It's like that way that vegetarians really feel about our meat-eating.
They never say it, but I know how they really feel about my eating meat:
that, that right there, is how I feel about everyone who uses normal batteries.
Is that conceited?
Anyone who doesn't recharge batteries is a monster.
I look down on you.
In my house, socks are used like slippers.
And hiking boots and gardening wellies.
And unlike the rule for pants:
"If the junk is showing, it's time for throwing"
the rule is the slightly less snappy:
"If you can push through more than one toe, maybe it's now time to throw"
Please, do, share with me your thing that gets you through your day though.
My complete guide to Understanding Your British Dad is coming together here
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