Wednesday, 11 May 2016
I try and listen to my wife. But she has nail varnish eyeballs. #BritishDadStuff
You that know you are a Great British Dad...
...when you realise that you have the attention span of a crack baby.
My wife was trying to have a conversation with me.
Which - I know - is difficult at the best of times.
I know that I'm meant to concentrate, and listen.
Without thinking "why is she telling me this?"
Or "but how can I fix that?"
And I was there - I swear to God - I was there.
Concentrating. And listening.
And I'm not doing it because it's a really important conversation about our kids' education - I'm totally there, doing it for the hell of it.
Anyway, we weren't having a row but there was a difficult bit in the chat - and she starts pushing her fingers into her eyelids to release her frustration.
Here's me, explaining my reconstruction in video form...
But she's got blue nail varnish on her fingernails.
So now it looks like she's got these mad eyeballs.
And they're being magnified by the glasses.
And she's still talking.
About something really important.
And she's still moving them around - all wonky and all over the place.
At this vital moment - just when I've got to concentrate and listen the hardest - she's there, throwing her googly eyes around like some mental Japanese Nintendo villain.
Or something goofy off an app.
She does not realise how hilarious she is looking right now, and I can't tell her, and then there's that pause.
"So what do you think? About what I just said?"
Yep, I'm trying.
My complete guide to Understanding Your British Dad is here
Stealing material from my family for my scripts. Or selling Bum World to Cbeebies. #BritishDadStuff
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