Thursday, 28 April 2016
The mysterious knickers jammed down the back of my single man's radiator.
This was meant to be the intro to my British Dad Gameshow round on fishing out toys from behind radiators.
But it was too long.
When I was a single man, I had a great standoff with my then girlfriend about a pair of knickers that were jammed behind the radiator in my flat.
My girlfriend mocked my obsession with the glimpse of the stranger's underwear that had been there since I had moved in, and I imagined all sorts of business that had gone on in my bedroom before it was mine.
I had to get those panties which I now owned but which did not belong to me.
One day, the tension grew too much to bear and like an Apeman, I fashioned all sorts of tools to fish out the undercover undies.
In front of my girlfriend.
Only to learn, to laughter, from my lover, that the lost lingerie was in fact a rolled up sports sock.
And a bloke's one at that.
That girlfriend is now my Wife and we have two children who, for some reason, love their toys so much that they want to post them behind the hottest, most inaccessible place in the house.
My complete guide to Understanding Your British Dad is here
Songs in the key of my daughter. I'm word perfect on them. #BritishDadStuff
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