Monday, 13 April 2015

I want my name. Inscribed. On a bench. #BritishDadStuff

You know you're a tightwad Dad when...

You want your name inscribed on a bench, even though you're not dead.

How do you get one of those?

And when you do, how much writing can you get on them?

In Brighton there's a maximum of 50 letters - and a cost of 85p plus VAT for each additional character.
(The first half of that sentence is 50 letters. How many extra letters do they let you have, if you're good for it).

Or would you try to save money by abbreviating words?

Worthing... the next town along the coast, charges £1300. Three hundred quid more.

If you wanted to save money, maybe you'd shop around the local councils and get the best bang-per-bench.

In Battersea, this bench (£1000)

Costs £250 more than this bench (£750)

But I reckon you could get more words onto that second bench.

And then there's how long it'll last - the councils promise different numbers of years to factor into the price.
(Battersea 3 years minimum, then it's on its own... Westminster 10 years, no quibble. Richmond puts a finger in the wind somewhere between £1200 and £1400 with no mention of longevity.

And are there bootleg benches?

Like Guerilla Gardeners.

If you managed to find a good lookalike - trade prices - maybe inscribe it yourself, and lug it into the park.

Would it get chucked out?


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