Neil Mossey

One of my most favourite things on the net: What Writers Wear.

2012-01-23T20:09:00.000Z

Because even though we're all on the team, we've still gotta pick sides.

And here's the corollary to the monkey/zookeeper theory: the bigger the zookeeper, the more you gotta re-affirm your monkeyness. And it's not easy believe you me...The first meeting you have with that director, the first president of production pitch, it's easy to lose your nerve and throw on that shirt you usually save for a first date.

You may as well lie down and give them your throat. It's the law of the jungle--show weakness, let them know you know they've got all the power and you're only there by their grace...

Me, if I'm meeting with someone over the v.p. level I do two things differently: first, I strap on my expensive watch. Second, I don't wear any socks.

Full blog post is here. Enjoy!
http://hucksblog.blogspot.com/2005/10/happy-day-of-atonement.html#114739466057154350

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Cashpoint receipts: Like, yes, if the machine cheats you, you've completely got the proof you need.

2012-01-22T19:45:00.000Z

(pic from here)

Cashpoint receipts.
Like, yes, if the machine cheats you, you've completely got all the proof you need.

Or maybe it's for a reminder. For the cash you no longer have.

If you've got an electronic machine, hardwired into the mainframe of a multinational banking conglomerate, dispensing actual hard local currency... doesn't it feel like that slightly outranks the scrap of paper you've got in your hand?

I can't take any comfort in the cashpoint receipt.

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Dad thoughts. Morning telly.

2012-01-19T19:45:00.000Z

Spent the morning daydreaming the mechanics of breeding a Zingzilla with a Tweenie.

Stopped and turned over to Milkshake on Channel 5.

Daydreamed the mechanics of breeding Derek with Jen.

All my Dad Stuff is here.

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A story in 2 words. Or the most literal shoe shop on the High Street.

2012-01-17T19:45:00.000Z

(Meanwhile, a few doors down from the shoe shop with the best ever marketing technique)

A story in two words.

Or... the most literal shoe shop on the High Street.

Do you have any two-word stories?

Or street pictures?

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10 Best free online things I use for posting on the web

2012-01-16T19:45:00.000Z

Alright, might end up with more than 10.

But this is the place for banking the sites I use for my online stuff, so at least I'll know where to find them...

Superlame - comic balloon generator

Creately - infographic generator
(How to make infographics, charts and diagrams)

Picnick - another online picture editor
This is great, really nice interface with loads of ways of funking up your pictures. Only downside is you cant use your own fonts to write on the pictures... so for that, I use Pixlr...

Pixlr - online picture editor

Splicd - How to pick out a clip from youtube to link or embed

Keep-Calm-O-Matic
How to make your very own KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON poster

Hootsuite
Dashboard for sheduling and replying to tweets

SocialOomph
Use this to schedule tweets from templates

w3schools
for html tips (the code used for making the posts look readable)

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I love that surgeons compete to outdo each other’s graphical explanation of the operation they are about to perform.

2012-01-15T19:45:00.000Z

I love Surgeon’s art:

Where they compete to outdo each other’s graphical explanation of the operation they are about to perform.

(MayonnaiseAndMalaise)

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What word did your family use for 'girl bits'? We've got willy and peanuts for the boy, but the girl?

2012-01-12T19:45:00.000Z

[innocent pic of the kids went here - but it still felt a bit weird having a photo of them online...]

What word did your family use for 'girl bits' when you were a kid?

We've got willy and peanuts for the boy, but the girl?

When I asked this on twitter, I got a load of adult words for girls bits.

Nothing wrong with that, and some of them frankly sound better than the extreme euphemisms used in the family for the female downstairs.

Our family word for it was 'Mary' - which was hilarious to us alone when we got the board game 'Mary' (which, ironically involved putting magnetic clothes on the poor girl).

I've heard other families use 'Moo-Moo' (do 'M' words go well, for some reason?), but what word did your family use for it when you were growing up?

When talking to toddlers about girl bits?

Click here for all the stuff I have to deal with as a Dad

UPDATE:
These are the replies on twitter when I first posted this:
Fanny
Minnie
Front bottom
Wiggy
Flower or Wee wee
Tuppy
Petit sucre
Doorstep
Winkle (for a girl)
Bits and pieces
Minky
"no name for it"

From Facebook:-
FroBo (short for front bottom)
Peaches and cream
Lady Bits
Noodle
Fanfare
Dinky
Tuttie
Foof or foofoo
Lulu
Mary-Jane

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What Is A Beta Male?

2012-01-11T19:45:00.000Z

What Is A Beta Male?

A Beta Male is a man who thinks he is an Alpha Male,
but isn't.

Mankind has passed its harshest judgement of worth:

Beta Male doesn’t even get his own page on Wikipedia.

It's redirected to the Alpha Male listing.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beta_male

Even here, “Beta male” is under the Alpha.

But Beta Males think they are useful.
They think they have all the power, because Alpha Males can't do anything without Betas agreeing to be there.

There have been hundreds, thousands of texts, books, and articles written about Leaders. The Secrets of Leadership... How To Become A Leader... How To Beat Everyone Else... How To Win.

Nothing has been written about how to be a great follower.
Maybe it's because we don't aspire to be the other guys... the wing-men... supporters... cheerleaders.

(By the way, never, ever, leave Mickey hanging.)

But we all know when we feel like we are "Also in the room". Blanked. Sidelined. Chumps.

Who would have the courage to out themselves as a proud Beta Male?

To remind those mouth-breathing gobshites who think the world was created to hear their roar, would be nothing without you.

Being Beta is not about feeling thwarted.

Or hapless.

Beta Male is an awesome lifestyle, and right here is where I will try to show you why.

HOW TO BE A BETA MALE

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Not everyones got common sense, so why is it called common sense?

2012-01-10T19:27:00.000Z

Not everyones got common sense, so why is it called common sense?

If you want to have your head bent around it, heres the wikipedia entry for Common Sense.

(For some reason, that banner looks funny. Here's another...)

Got any better ones?

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"Quite possibly, the best New York Times correction in history"...

2012-01-09T19:30:00.000Z

via @kerri9494 and more here

"Correction: December 30, 2011
An article on Monday about Jack Robison and Kirsten Lindsmith, two college students with Asperger syndrome who are navigating the perils of an intimate relationship, misidentified the character from the animated children's TV show "My Little Pony" that Ms. Lindsmith said she visualized to cheer herself up.

It is Twilight Sparkle, the nerdy intellectual, not Fluttershy, the kind animal lover."

Had to check myself. Twilight Sparkle.

Fluttershy.

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House Of Lies - official Showtime ipad app

2012-01-08T20:49:00.001Z

Writer / Digital Producer, HOUSE OF LIES app for Showtime Networks, produced by Seven Publishing Ltd. Digital Team

Wrote content and concepts on 9 segments across all 7 chapters of the official app for the Showtime comedy drama, House of Lies, starring Don Cheadle, Kristin Bell, Ben Schwartz, Josh Lawson and Dawn Olivieri.

(Including (my favourite) the BS Generator, Glossary, Meet The Team, A Year Of Your Life As A Management Consultant, Interactive Hostile Workplace HR Training Infographic, Expenses Cleanup, Travel, Swimming With Sharks, and Marty's Manifesto).

It's available here as an ipad app:
http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/stroke-your-genius-martys/id488234994?mt=8
(PS can anyone tell me if this is available in the UK?)

and will also be available on the Barnes & Noble Nook:
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/stroke-your-genius-showtime-networks-inc/1108055549?ean=2940043873415

What's great about writing on a TV series app, is that you have to pull together and also balance a combination of three disciplines:

How it hits the eye.
DESIGN
High-end glossy magazine skills
Aesthetics
Does it look great and match the design rules of the show?

How it hits the finger (and device).
ENGINEERING
App building and coding skillsets
Functionality
Can it be done technically, and does it work?

And finally, where I come in...

How it hits the brain.
WRITING
TV/Broadcast writing skills
Content
Is it funny, and is it in the right character voice of the show?

We're still in a frontiersland for this kind of work, but I think that if any chapter of an app (ipad, Nook, or Android) excludes or leans too heavily on one of the three above... it just doesn't work.

Click here to see how my desk looked in the middle of it

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Milton sterilizing fluid. It cleans anything. Why aren’t we putting this stuff on everything?

2012-01-05T19:45:00.000Z

Milton sterilizing fluid.

It cleans anything.

Seriously, why aren’t we putting this stuff on everything?

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I want to use a land train as a family car.

2012-01-04T19:39:00.000Z

IF YOU ARE AN ALPHA MALE:
you care about looks, appearances, image, FRONT.

This is a Land Train.

So is this.

And this.

I want to use a land train as a family car.

To me, this means I am still Alpha Male:

More space in the back than anyone else, and truly owning the road.

How can you tailgate that?
You can't.
Not at 7 mph.
And you've just got to wait till I stop.

(Though, even within this subset of this niche, why do I still think that I'd end up with that third one in the pictures?)

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A new list: Sat Nav phrases in songs. Got any others?

2012-01-03T19:45:00.000Z

Some Sat Nav phrases in songs.

"The long and winding road..."

From The Long And Winding Road.

"Turn around...."

from Bonnie Tyler, Total Eclipse Of The Heart.

Got any others? (just click on comments below)

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Hitler Cats Who Hate South West Trains Monopoly 1

2012-01-02T19:45:00.001Z

Hitler Cats Who Hate South West Trains' Monopoly - number 1.

(Made using Superlame)

(Sick of rail fare hikes?
Click here to be on the side of the good guys:
Fare Fares Now #farefail)

Got any South-West-Trains-Monopoly-related gags the cat who hates South West Trains' Monopoly might like to retell?

Comments below.

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I remember when I first saw twitter. It was like the train delay was coming right at me.

2012-01-01T19:45:00.000Z

I remember when I first saw twitter.

It was like the train delay was coming right at me.

10 Ways You Know You're Spending Too Much Time On Twitter

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Dad Stuff

2012-01-01T11:16:00.000Z

DAD THOUGHTS.

These are all the thoughts that I have, because I am a Dad.

#DadStuff

When something like this happens...

...do you reach for the camera, or the hoover?

Me too.

Turns out those fish that nibble at your feet are USELESS on beer guts

Spent the morning daydreaming the mechanics of breeding a Zingzilla with a Tweenie.

Stopped and turned over to Milkshake on Channel 5.

Daydreamed the mechanics of breeding Derek with Jen.

They always have "His & Hers" double bathroom sinks on Grand Designs, like it's some kind of luxury.

Isn't it, like, twice the cleaning?

What word did your family use for 'girl bits' when you were a kid?

We've got willy and peanuts for the boy, but the girl?

(original post and full list of others' names for it here)

DAD IDEAS TO CHANGE THE WORLD

Milton sterilizing fluid.

It cleans anything.

Seriously, why aren’t we putting this stuff on everything?

I want to use a land train as the family car.

(original post here)

DAD'S VIDEO SHELF

Daddy Daycare:
How I teach my son to count.

(original post here)

Here's how to get dads to listen...

Tell us to listen, apparently.

(original post here)

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All my favourite posts...

2011-12-30T19:45:00.000Z

I love some more than others.

Here's a bit of extra googlejuice for the favourites...

5 Ways To Bust Writer's Block And Procrastination

How to break a brand new story completely from scratch

As a Dad, when something like this happens, do you reach for the hoover or video camera? Me too. (Where baby powder goes...)

Want to hear the worst/best script note I ever received?

What's it like, writing for an ipad app for a US TV series?

How to live your life with Tina Fey's Improv Rules

10 Ways You Know You Spend Too Much Time On Twitter

Daddy Daycare: How I teach my son to count

A complete list of brand new band names

Meet My Lookalike, Footballer Andy Johnson

This is how I answer the phone.

Best Awards Acceptance Speech Ever

Best Pitch Invasion... Ever

Other Things Sid James Might Have Laughed At If He Had Been Alive When They Happened 1976-2001

Christmas gift ideas from the junk mail I get - 2011

Top 10 Upsides Of Recovering From A Boris Bike Crash

Bottle Booby!

Awesome story: How did Scrappy Doo happen?

Best Steadicam shot in the world... ever.

How much does Camden Council love clamping?

What is your Stars In Their Eyes

3 Favourite videos shot in TV control rooms.

What was it like when ITV regions ruled the world?

Quick way to generate character names for your #webseries

How to get men to listen

Your stuff: Please send me Kitchen Roll Art

My job means that I dont have to wear a hat

We have the fattest electricity in the world.

I was born tomorrow, today i live, yesterday killed me

Peace of Mind. Courtesy of my Junk Mail.

Turns out those fish that nibble at your feet are USELESS on beer guts

New product ideas: NIKEA

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Technically... Guess this is where baby powder is meant to go?

2011-12-22T19:45:00.000Z

Where baby powder goes.

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Have you tried Superlame? - a free comic word balloon generator

2011-12-20T16:15:00.000Z

Starting to bank all of the resources I use for my online content in one place...

It's just so I can remember where I can find them.
Also means that I can share them with you, so it might be more likely they'll stay in business.

This is Superlame.

www.superlame.com

"With our program you can quickly, easily, enjoyably, and freely add word balloons to all your pictures. We're currently in beta and will be continuing to add and update our tools."

As a demo, I used it to make a new work-in-progress character:
Hitler Cat Who Hates South West Trains' Monopoly.

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Top 10 Upsides Of Recovering From A Boris Bike Crash

2011-12-18T19:45:00.000Z

Top 10 Upsides Of Recovering From A Boris Bike Crash

10
Face looks like a themed Google logo. Changes by the day.

9
Being known to a handful of healthcare professionals affectionately as ‘that bloke who had the Boris Bike crash’.

8
Talking like Louis Spence.

7
Chunks falling off face like an maxillofacial advent calendar. Festive.

6
Patronising kids in the supermarket who stare to ‘always wear a bike helmet’, like some kind of deranged 1950s superhero.

5
Looking like a vagrant whose stuff never gets touched. Also festive.

4
Hours spent concussed equals hours not spent hearing about Eurozone crisis.

3
Drinking through a straw makes 2 year old son feel superior.

2
Finally being able to look my hero Erik Estrada in the eye. We know what this is like.

1
Looking like a Hitler cat. Or the bloke from Sparks. Or Blakey from On The Buses.

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Isn't Christmas just the right time for this?

2011-12-15T19:45:00.000Z

Okay, one last Christmas Gift Idea, pulled from my Junk Mail.

On the First Day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Some Meerkat stickers for my wheelie.

On the Second day of Chrismas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
A face shield for my spraying...

On the Third day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Three Laced Modesty Panels

On the Fourth day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Four Hob Covers.

On the Fifth day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Perfectly... Smooth... Mash...

On the Sixth day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Silhouetted Dogs A- Dumping

On the Seventh day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...

Oven... Sparkle... er... (Includes applicator brush)

Say Goodbye To Grease And Grime

"I would use it in all of my kitchens. - Jean-Christophe Novelli"

"Note: Not suitable for self-cleaning ovens."

Seen any others I can add to this list? Would love to hear them on COMMENTS below, thanks!

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How To Break A New Story From Scratch

2011-12-04T19:45:00.000Z

Having trouble planning out story beats?

This is Dan Wells, with an awesome system for plotting an outline, using a 7 Point Story Structure...

1
HOOK (Start)
2
PLOT TURN 1 (Conflict)
3
PINCH 1 (Horrible Things Happen)
4
MID-POINT (Move from Reaction To Action)
5
PINCH 2 (Jaws Of Defeat - lowest point)
6
PLOT TURN 2 (Obtain final thing)
7
RESOLUTION

Dan Wells On Story Structure Part 1

What's really useful with Dan's system is the order you tackle the 7 Points:

7 RESOLUTION
- Everything in your story leads to this moment.
- What is your story about? Where is your story going?
- Make sure you know what kind of resolution you want.
We start at the end because everything in the story leads to this moment. This is the climax. The point. Where it’s leading up to, what it’s about.
(eg Harry Potter: Harry defeats Voldemort)

1 HOOK
- Now we know the ending, figure out where we start.
- One easy way to do this is to start with the opposite state: eg if a character is going to end strong, she should start weak. (eg starting Batman as a depressed directionless loser, or Harry Potter as weak orphan under the stairs).

4 MID POINT
- Between HOOK and RESOLUTION
- How you start moving from Hero’s beginning state to end state. It’s where Hero moves from Reaction to Action.
(eg Fellowship of the Ring: ‘Oh no, let’s not get killed’ to ‘Let’s take the fight to them’. Midpoint is Council of Elron where they make that decision.
Harry Potter: Start sad & wimpy to Defeating Voldemort, so his MidPoint is ‘He learns who Voldemort is, what V wants to do, & decide he’s going to do something about it.’)

Dan Wells on Story Structure, part 2 of 5

2 PLOT TURN 1 (CONFLICT)
- This event moves us from the HOOK to the MID POINT. It’s what sets you in motion.
- This is where we introduce our conflict.
(So Harry Potter starts with a situation, but then a conflict is introduced. Changing the world the character lives in. A Call To Adventure, Or Confronting New Ideas).

6 PLOT TURN 2
- This is the thing that moves the story from MID POINT to END
- At MIDPOINT you determine to do something, and in the RESOLUTION you do it.
So Plot Turn 2 is where you obtain the final thing you need to make it happen.
“The Power Is In You!”
(eg Star Wars “Use The Force”; Oz “You Can Go Home Any Time You Want”; Matrix “Neo: You Are The One”).
- Grasping victory from the jaws of defeat: Something horrible just happened, but now the heroes have what they need...even if they don't realise it at the time.
- It's something that's going to give us the final piece we need to move from 'trying to succeed' to finally succeeding. (eg Harry Potter: Harry discovers the stone is in her pocket because his motives are pure).

3 PINCH 1
- A PINCH is designed to Apply Pressure. Horrible things happen. The purpose of a pinch is to force your characters into action.
(eg Harry Potter: The Troll Attack. No adults around, forcing children to solve the problem on their own. It's where we introduce danger into a fun environment.)

5 PINCH 2
- Pinch 2 applies more pressure, and makes the situation seem even worse.
A plan fails; A mentor dies leaving the heroes alone; The bad guys seem to win.
- These are the jaws of defeat from which your Hero will be snatching victory. Make sure the teeth are sharp.
(eg. Harry Potter: Harry loses Ron & Hermione to the traps and is left alone)
[Forces Hero to grow up, forces to work alone, SEEMS HOPELESS].

Dan Wells on Story Structure, part 3 of 5

Examples of Romantic, Tragedy, and Horror Plots

Dan Wells on Story Structure, part 4 of 5

ICE MONSTER PROLOGUE
- The Hook scene in most story arcs is not very interesting (Most arcs start in a position of weakness)
- Most plots start before the conflict is introduced
- You need to grab readers attention NOW

TRY/FAIL CYCLES
- Before Heroes succeed, they need to try and fail
- Victory should be earned
- A problem that can be solved on first try isn't big enough to care about

Dan Wells on Story Structure, part 5 of 5

SUB PLOTS
- Each thread can be mapped out - Spread events for pacing
- Line up the events to create powerful moments & scenes

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What Was It Like When ITV Regions Ruled The World?

2011-11-27T21:27:00.002Z

Back during the constant working-in-televison daydream as a kid, TV wasn’t too timid about pointing the camera at itself.

Now it’s gone all self-conscious and ‘cool’

(to the point where *all* channel idents in the UK are bizarrely identical - itv1, Channel 4, sky one, and BBC One are above in no particular order...)

So we don’t get gems like this. The ITV Region startup theme tune.

It’s a genre in it’s own right.

Love the bit where the heap of furniture is part of the image of “what we do”.

A mate who used to work there pointed out the Yorkshire Television shelf-of-booze.

Ah branding consultants of 2011...

Have a stab at which approach we think has more impact, substance and love...

This is one (#7) of my 100 all-time Favourite TV clips - CLICK HERE for the full list.

<-- #6 Pingu Needs A Wee

#8 clip might appear here -->

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Fancy A Peek At All Our Digital Futures?

2011-11-17T19:45:00.000Z

Currently working on a digital production.
(Writing on an "app", for a "major US Broadcaster")

Marvel at my paperless workflow.

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A sure-fire way to make sure dog owners get the message...

2011-11-15T19:45:00.000Z

Only a couple more Christmas Gift Ideas, culled from my Junk Mail to go.

Seen any others that I could add to this list?

On the First Day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Some Meerkat stickers for my wheelie.

On the Second day of Chrismas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
A face shield for my spraying...

On the Third day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Three Laced Modesty Panels

On the Fourth day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Four Hob Covers.

On the Fifth day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Perfectly... Smooth... Mash...

On the Sixth day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...

Silhouetted Dog Signs Dumping

Not on my garden!

"NO FOULING SIGN"

"Make sure dog owners get the message with this 'no fouling' sign."

I have what I think is a tautological problem with this.

It involves putting a thing in the garden, that is the thing you don't want to see.

Therefore you have created the very thing you didn't want to happen?

Oh no, it's okay... there's a "NO" on its back.

As you were.

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Now you can have Perfectly Smooth Mash...

2011-11-13T19:45:00.000Z

Okay, over half way through the Christmas Gift Ideas, pulled out from my Junk Mail.

Seen any others I can add to this list?

On the First Day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Some Meerkat stickers for my wheelie.

On the Second day of Chrismas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
A face shield for my spraying...

On the Third day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Three Laced Modesty Panels

On the Fourth day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Four Hob Covers.

On the Fifth day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...

Perfectly... Smooth... Mash...

Perfectly smooth mash

"As used by professional chefs, this useful device is perfect for achieving the smoothest mashed potato."

"Save £1."

It's used by professional chefs.

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Ever wondered "But how can I transform my hobs!"? It's okay. Here is the answer you can't live without.

2011-11-10T19:45:00.000Z

Here's another Christmas Gift Idea, straight from my Junk Mail.

On the First Day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Some Meerkat stickers for my wheelie.

On the Second day of Chrismas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
A face shield for my spraying...

On the Third day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Three Laced Modesty Panels

On the Fourth day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...

Four... Hob Covers.

Transform you hobs!

"Transform your kitchen with these attractive covers which hide unsightly electric hobs."

(My Junk Mail is obsessed with transforming things... bins... all kinds of tops.)

"Note: For decorative use only. Remove before using hob."

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Want Three Panels on your Bra? It's my third Xmas Gift Idea...

2011-11-08T19:45:00.000Z

Here's another Christmas Gift Idea, straight from my Junk Mail.

On the First Day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
Some Meerkat stickers for my wheelie.

On the second day of Chrismas, my Junk Mail gave to me...
A face shield for my spraying...

On the Third day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me...

Three Laced Modesty Panels

Transform Low-Necked Tops

"Create a more versatile wardrobe without buying more clothes!"

To "...disguise gaping tops."

I won't get some myself. (Though, as I've posted before, I could proably use them... and they have dropped the price of the lilac-blue-red combo by a pound).

But now I can't stop singing "Three panels on your bra..." to the tune of this:

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Hate it when it goes in your eyes? Try my Junk Mail Xmas Gift Idea #2...

2011-11-06T20:00:00.000Z

Okay, here is the second Christmas gift idea straight from my Junk Mail...

Thought I could turn them into some kind of "Twelve Days Of Christmas" style song.

But I've only got seven.

And they don't especially lend themselves to an order, but if they did, Friday's would start:

On the first day of Christmas, my Junk Mail gave to me,
Some Meerkat stickers for my wheelie.

On the second day of Chrismas, my Junk Mail gave to me,

A face shield for my spraying...

"Hate it when hair spray and perfume goes in your eyes?"

I do. How thoughtful.

And too true. When spraying perfume, lets make sure it hits my hair and only my hair.

Not entirely sure it prevents all irritation though.

If you like this, why not try out some of my other JUNK MAIL

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Want to see my first Junk Mail Xmas Gift idea? Make your bin unique.

2011-11-04T19:45:00.000Z

Here are some Christmas Gift ideas, direct from my junk mail.

Make Your Bin Unique

"These meerkat stickers make a fun addition to boring bins."

"There's also... stickers included so that you can fully identify your bin with your address."

And I'm sure the residents of 36 and 38 Alvis Way are delighted.

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A Couple Of Sinks Of Couple

2011-11-01T19:45:00.000Z

Grand Designs usually feature His and Hers matching bathroom sinks.

Is it luxury?

Isn't it, like, twice the mess?

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Want to hear the simultaneous worst/best script note I was ever given?

2011-10-30T19:45:00.008Z

Best/worst note I ever received.

Asked for me to change or remove from my dialogue a “Besides...” (as synonym for “Anyway”).

The reason given was that it was part of the Script Editor’s ongoing war against its use in comedy and drama. Because it’s one of those “written” words. No-one really uses it in actual everyday speech, do they?

I huffed, puffed and got a little annoyed. But the more I thought about it... the more I realised that I hadn’t in fact heard it used in genuine actual out-and-about chit chat.

I’ve been listening out to hear someone say "Besides..." in natural speech for about six years now.

Only ever hear it used by characters on TV.

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How To Live Like Nineties MAN?

2011-10-27T19:45:00.004+01:00

How to live like Nineties MAN

No furniture.

No portion control.

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Big Guys Need Bottle

2011-10-25T19:45:00.001+01:00

Ever drink Crabbies Alcoholic Ginger Beer straight out the bottle like you’re a big hard guy.

Till that point you remember its essentially confectionery?

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How I Teach My Son How To Count...

2011-10-23T19:45:00.003+01:00

Daddy Daycare:
How I choose to teach my son counting

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How They Get You To Buy Shoes

2011-10-20T19:45:00.001+01:00

Crafty Shoe Shop Marketing Technique:

The pair.

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Toddler Quotes

2011-10-18T19:45:00.004+01:00

Some Toddler Quotes:

High fibe.

Fffft plsssth.
(Translation: Open the car roof, please)

Singing to the Andrew Marr Show title sequence music every Sunday morning.

Car.
It’s Andrew Marr.
He’s in his car.
And, he’s driving in to work.
Marr!
Herrre comes Aaandrew Marr!

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Intentional Fashion Feature

2011-10-16T19:45:00.000+01:00

They're not dirty.

My clothes are sometimes seasoned.

Like a wok.

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Married Couple Allowance

2011-10-13T19:45:00.001+01:00

Wanted to take Conservative government offer of £12 per week tax break for married couples.

Fiancée not impressed by the proposal.

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Endings

2011-10-11T19:45:00.015+01:00

I’m no fashion expert, but aren’t leggings sometimes more like bottomings?

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My First 10 New Band Names

2011-10-09T19:45:00.003+01:00

My Band Names.

They will be big, oh yes, they will rock.

Enigmas With Attitude

Mossady Passport Forgers

No Hat. No Boots. No job.

~~The Rumble Strips~~

US Jets and Jews

Anthea Turners Toilet Tips

Champneys Flip Flops

Chicken Pox Party

Wapping Blue Smokes

Phil&Teds Chassis Recall

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Meet my lookalike. Footballer Andy Johnson.

2011-10-06T19:45:00.002+01:00

My lookalike, footballer Andy Johnson, used to play with CHANG on his top.

In my top, I have changs.

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How to live your life with TINA FEY’S IMPROV RULES

2011-10-04T19:45:00.000+01:00

In Bossypants, Tina Fey claims Rules of Improv are worth living by.

She can’t understand why people in the world shoot things down or say no without contributing something themselves.

I agree - and these probably also apply to good comedy dialogue in scenes, and working with writing partners...

- Rule #1: Start with Yes

Tina Fey’s example:
Actor: “Freeze, I have a gun!”
Bad improv response: “No you don’t, that’s your finger.”
Good response: “The gun I gave you for Christmas? You jerk!”

So you agree with your partner’s springboard.
Respect what your partner has created.
Start with a yes, and see where that takes you.

- Rule #2: Say “Yes, and —–”

Tina Fey’s example:
Actor: “I can’t believe it’s so hot in here.”
Bad improv response: “Yeah.”
Good response: “I told you we shouldn’t have crawled into this dog’s mouth.”

Agree and add.
Don’t be afraid to contribute.
Your initiations are worth something.

- Rule #3: Make statements - Don’t ask questions all the time

Tina Fey’s example:
Bad improv: Who are you? Where are we? What are we doing here? What’s in that box? (This puts pressure on the other actor to come up with all the answers.)
Good improv: Here we are in Spain, Dracula.

Questions put pressure on the other person to come up with the answers. Be part of the solution, don’t just point out problems.
No-one wants to go to a doctor who presents their solution in the form of questions.

- Rule #4: There are no mistakes, only opportunities

.

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How much does Camden Council love clamping?

2011-10-02T19:45:00.001+01:00

London Parking.

It’s a CA-C tree, but its root system is in zone CA-E.

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What Is Your Stars In Their Eyes?

2011-09-29T19:45:00.001+01:00

My Stars In Their Eyes was always going to be Richard Burton, out of War of the Worlds...

Or both of Bros.

What was yours?

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How Did Scrappy Doo Happen..?

2011-09-27T19:45:00.001+01:00

How did Scrappy Doo happen? And who'dve thought this would have me gripped from beginning to end?

One of my favourite things on the Internet.

An Insiders story about how Scrappy Doo got on the air...

Here's an extract to give you a taste:

Sure enough, I was banned from the studio for a good eighteen minutes, which is how long it was before Mr. Barbera phoned. He instructed me to — and I will clean up his language here a tad — "pay no attention to that damn idiot in Business Affairs."

Before the sun set that evening, I had a deal to write the script that would introduce Scrappy Doo. The pay was sufficient (barely, of course) and there would be a small bonus if the show was picked up.

The next day, I was to meet Mr. B. at the Villa Capri restaurant in Hollywood so we could brainstorm ideas over lunch.

FULL STORY IS HERE:-
http://www.povonline.com/scrappydays/scrappy01.htm

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Pingu Needs A Wee - Fave 100 TV moments #6

2011-09-26T19:45:00.005+01:00

Putting 100 of my favourite TV moments on here...

My favourite PINGU moment.

Possibly one of my all-time favourite Children's TV moments.

Pingu needs a wee.

<-- #5 Best Awards Acceptance Speech Ever

#7 When ITV Regions Ruled The World -->

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Reflexology Rudeness

2011-09-25T19:45:00.000+01:00

My Missus is trying to find my bits via reflexology. A bit like fiddling with a remote control.

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What's The Second Most Important Fixture In The House?

2011-09-22T19:45:00.002+01:00

The 2nd most important fixture in the house.

A toilet roll holder that doesnt wobble is luxury.

I'd be like the Imperial Leather family dad.

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Best Awards Acceptance Speech Ever - Fave 100 TV moments #5

2011-09-20T19:45:00.019+01:00

Putting 100 of my favourite TV moments on here...

#5 The Best Awards Acceptance Speech Ever?

(Fever Ray tar emot pris för Årets Dans på P3 Guld)

<-- #4 Fave TV: Best Pitch Invasion Ever

#6 Fave TV: Pingu Needs A Wee -->

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Here's a quick way to generate character names...

2011-09-19T19:45:00.009+01:00

Looking for surnames, last names, or even just a quirky original
‘name’ for your characters?

Me too.

Banked my lists of names and free online random name generator links here on my webseries writing blog.
For characters.

Or actual kids.

http://storygas.blogspot.com/2009/01/random-lists-of-surnames-and-random.html

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How To Do A Baby Haircut

2011-09-18T19:45:00.001+01:00

Baby Haircut.

[HAMMERS PIANO]

Had to do it, had to do it,

He's my one and only son & heir.

Had to do it, had to do it,

Now we given him Victoria Wood hair.

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How to get Men to listen.

2011-09-15T19:45:00.002+01:00

Here's how to get men to listen.

Tell us to listen, apparently.

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Writing Music

2011-09-14T19:45:00.002+01:00

There is literally no typing that James Last and some bent trumpets cant get you through.

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Best Pitch Invasion... Ever. Fave 100 TV moments #4

2011-09-13T19:45:00.018+01:00

Putting 100 of my favourite TV moments on here...

#4 Best Pitch Invasion ever

(chesterfield fc saltergate last match pitch invasion the original)

Full top 100 fave TV clips list here

<-- #3 Fave TV: Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em

#5 Best Awards Acceptance Speech Ever -->

Kitchen Roll Art

2011-09-12T18:45:00.003+01:00

Idea:
There are no websites dedicated to the art of the Kitchen Roll design.

You’d think that Kitchen Towel artists would have their own websites or blogs.

They don’t.

Miracle commit to some kind of balloon vibe.

Tesco backs a block square blue mosaic repetition.

Asda skew surreal with anthropomorphic veg.

Bounty design features cats and dogs and fish, in a variety of action poses and situations.

Essential Waitrose prefer more realism in their depiction of fruits and flowers.

And Thirst Pockets claim a Limited Edition for their Botanics designs.

I'm no Botanist, but to these eyes it's more lines and squares.

Maybe there's a way of determining someone's personality through their Kitchen Roll. What have you got?

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Other Things Sid James Might Have Laughed At If He Had Still Been Alive When They Happened

2011-09-11T19:45:00.000+01:00

Other Things Sid James Might Have Laughed At If He Had Still Been Alive When They Happened 1976 - 2001

From The Recommended Daily Allowance with John Gordillo

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Over Our Heads

2011-09-08T19:45:00.003+01:00

Lewis Hamilton gets paid by Santander and has to wear a hat.

I owe Santander a house, and don't have to wear one.

Does... that make me the Alpha Male?

The complete HOW TO BE A BETA MALE is here

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Prize For The Most Cumbersome Goes To...

2011-09-07T19:45:00.000+01:00

I love being British.

Because we get to have the biggest electrical plugs in the world.

I’m so proud.

When you’re on holiday, they’ve got those little dinky sockets for the 2 slender pins…
... and you’re there wrecking it with your massive chunk of plastic...

... then you swing over the iron to the board, and get that THWACK on the back of your calves by one of these babies.

Why? I don’t know.

Maybe we have the fattest power.

When it comes to electricity, we are the most cumbersome.

With the most bruised shins.

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I was born tomorrow, today i live, yesterday killed me

2011-09-06T19:45:00.019+01:00

Poem by Parviz Owsia in bench form

And in KeepCalm-o-matic form

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Head Full Of Vodafone

2011-09-05T19:45:00.001+01:00

What was in my head while sounding out Vodafone price plans.

They really wanna to sign some of this up for 24 months.

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Bottle, booby!

2011-09-04T19:45:00.001+01:00

Tried describing an afternoon filming for this show at the home of legendary horse racing TV pundit, John McCririck. Through tweets.

It went something like this.

He was upstairs getting changed for us.

His wife (who he refers to (fondly) as The Booby) offered us a cup of tea.

JOHN MCCRIRICK:
(FROM UPSTAIRS) I'm sure these gents would appreciate a glass of champagne.

THE BOOBY:
(TO US) Would you like a glass?

US:
That's really kind, but we've got to get back. We've got to cut this for tomorrow.

JOHN MCCRIRICK:
(FROM UPSTAIRS) Bottle Booby.

US:
Tea'll be great, thanks.

JOHN MCCRIRICK:
(FROM UPSTAIRS - LOUDER) Bottle, Booby.

THE BOOBY:
Okay, I'll put the kettle on.

JOHN MCCRIRICK:
(FROM UPSTAIRS) BOTTLE, BOOBY.

THE BOOBY:
John, they're working - they're fine with tea. (TO US) You sure you wouldn't like a glass of something.

JOHN MCCRIRICK:
(FROM UPSTAIRS) BOTTLE BOOBY!

US:
Honestly, that's really kind we really-

JOHN MCCRIRICK:
(FROM UPSTAIRS) BOTTLE BOOBY. I INSIST! BOTTLE BOOBY!

We got the (very fine) bottle (of champagne).

In two large glasses.

And now very rarely, from time to time, I still find myself, or the director Patrick Ruddy, yelling
BOTTLE BOOBY.

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Ways To Be Annoying

2011-09-01T19:45:00.003+01:00

Ways I inadvertently annoy The Other Half.

Spending whole night talking like Mystic Meg.

Playing LWT idents on Mrs NMs chest.

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BARKMANIA

2011-09-01T17:35:00.000+01:00

BARKMANIA - BBC SCOTLAND for CBBC

Writer:
Scripting 30 comic-strip style sketches starring dog characters for flash "Who Let The Dogs Out" spinoff.

Appeared on the CBBC website for BBC Online.

While writing them, I banked a kennel-load of words and phrases associated with dogs and doggie things.

Posting my starter list here as my open-source gift to the Internet, to help anyone else who needs sparking up those canine synonyms and word-associations.

Hide behind tree
Peeing up a tree
Cocking a leg
Bury bones
Bones
Poodle
Washing the dog - shampoodle
Bloodhound - Vampire Dog
Collie
Wagging Tail
Growl - Woof - Bark - Yap - Whimper - Grrrr - Doggone - Howl - Ruff
Great Dane
Canine
Puppy - Litter - Puppies
Lapdog
Hotdog
Watchdog
Fur
Running on the spot - Running in circles
Coat
Fleas - Shave - Scratching
Mongrel - Uncertain Breed
Breed
Alsatian
Hound
Mastiff
Beagle
Sniffing - Wet Nose
Pack
Master
Good Hearing
Smelling Terrible
Guide dog
Pointer
Coyote
Setter
St. Bernard
Retriever
Gun Dog
Greyhound
Whippet
Fetch!
Throwing stick
Chew toy - squeak - stick
Scent
Bad dog! - Obedience
Sit! Stay! Lie Down! Beg!
Crossing paws
Trials - Dog trials - sheepdog
Lead - Leash - Choke Chain
Dog Show - Best in show - scruffiest
Mutt
Chihuahua
Dachshund
Doberman
Muzzle
Dog blanket - basket
Dog Eared
Nose
Collar
Kennel
Dog Handler
Walk - walkies - stay!
Chum
Can’t reach
Bite - bites - teeth
Chasing own tail - jump - roll over
Police dog
Rubber ball
Dig
Dog tags
Dog fashion
Talking dogs
Vet
Leads Leashes Collars
Pants - Panting - Drool - Tongue
Stray Dog
Dog Catcher
Cats and Dogs
Dalmatians - Spot - Spots
Dog food
Bone
Tins
Water
Meat
Bowl
Cocker Spaniel
Moulting
Bulldog
Guard Dog
Police Dog - Cops
Greyhound
Retriever
Dingo - Wolf - Fox
Bite
Snarl
Heel
Dogsbody
Pooch
Dog’s Dinner
It’s a Dog’s Life
Dog Eat Dog
Let sleeping dogs lie
Scottie
Terrier
Heads and tails
Barking
Watchdog - security dog
Beware The Dog
Pooched Eggs - Collie Flower
Pet Shop
Gone to the Dogs
Doggie Heaven
Boxer Dog
Fairy Dogmother
Corgi

And for a run of weather forecast sketches, here's the same for weather word associations and phrases...

Thunder and Lightning
Rain
Snow
Shower
Fog
Sleet
Snowfall
Wind - Windy
Wind Chill Factor
Forecast
Summer - Autumn - Winter - Spring
Mild
Atmosphere
Warm Front
Cyclone
Low Pressure
Turbulence
Cloud
Humidity
Met Office
Forecaster
Gales - Gale Force Winds
Drought
Heat
Hurricane
Sun
Typhoon
Tropical Storm
Storm

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StoryGas August webseries links

2011-08-31T18:45:00.010+01:00

When I started writing on web series, I got a heavy-duty glimpse of storylining for an audience who are free to comment while the show is in production.

Started a blog to share links with webseries creators here:

http://storygas.blogspot.com

Here are some webseries posts from this month:

How to start a webseries?
(How To Be Creative by Hugh McLeod)

Real-time Japanese Online Drama - LOVEDISTANCE.JP

DR. HORRIBLE’S SING-A-LONG-BLOG - Joss Whedon’s online comedy

CLARK AND MICHAEL - US comedy web series

The first social media online drama? - LONELYGIRL15

KATEMODERN - The UK's first social network webseries

My favourite web series - The GUILD

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Women Are Like Teabags...

2011-08-30T19:44:00.000+01:00

Women are like teabags...

You've got to squeeze them till it's alright.

(with apologies to Eleanor Roosevelt).

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10 Ways You Know You Spend Too Much Time On Twitter

2011-08-28T19:45:00.039+01:00

Ten ways you know you've spent too long on twitter.

#10 you avoid all forms of punctuation in the other business of your day

#9 you write a list about twitter. On twitter.
http://twitter.com/NeilMossey/statuses/8286357093

#8 (via @mattleys) Irritation on finding novels etc longer than 140 characters.

#7 you take in all information through a filter of "Peter Serafinowicz is gonna LOVE this"

#6 the British Library becomes a hard copy research tool for punny hastag film titles

#5 dont think twice about walking away midconversation leaving threads you started hanging

(Got any more...?)

@Strummer07 tweeted...

#4 You write something potent & seemingly real important ! & find its >200 characters. Spend 15 mins trying to whittle it down

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Out Of Date Rennies

2011-08-25T19:45:00.000+01:00

My packet of Rennies Best Before Date expires this month. Better eat them up now, or... er...

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More Junk Mail. More Peace Of Mind.

2011-08-23T19:45:00.005+01:00

Got more Junk Mail from AXA PPP Healthcare

(All my Junk Mail is here).

So lets see if we can find the offer of Peace of Mind
(All my offers of Peace Of Mind are here).

“Even the affordable plans... still provide Peace Of Mind.”

Got any Pieces Of Peace Of Mind?

Should I start a Peace Of Mind Hall Of Fame?

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5 tips to bust writers block and procrastination - these work for me.

2011-08-21T19:45:00.020+01:00

5 tips that bust writers block and procrastination

I've held onto these from lots of other blog posts like this.

Had them for so long, I can't even credit where they came from - thanks if they were from you, because they seem to work.

1. Go Somewhere Else.
Change the way you feel by changing your environment.

Get to a new place. Coffee shop, that local library you never visit, the kitchen, wherever. Do an hour somewhere else - chances are, you’ll end up staying longer.

2. Do Nothing Social For The First 60 Minutes.
First thing, when you start, no email, no facebook, no twitter, no listening to voicemails.

This is harder than it looks, and the only way to do it is to avoid looking. This is the most effective tip I’ve ever had - it means your day starts as yours. Those friendly messages are great, but none of them - not one of them - will help you get your stuff out of your head. So do that instead first, and have a look an hour later. They will still be there. The difference is, now your stuff is there too.

3. Five Minute Start
Agree to commit the next 5 minutes SOLELY to the task you can’t get started.

Just five minutes. This works.

4. Quiet Hours
Set regular Quiet Hours, where you won’t answer the phone, or email or instant messaging or anything.

For me, two hours is enough. But it’s pretty much the same two hours.
All the tipsters say let the world know and explain what you are doing, so they won’t bother you at those times. I don’t think this is necessary - just set the times, and deal with messages when you re-emerge - victorious that you at least gave yourself a distraction-free window.

5. Being The Mayor Of Whole Foods On Foursquare Isn’t Going To Make Your Idea Happen.

This is my favourite.
I’m not on Foursquare, but I guess it’s about what you do in the time where you ‘go under’. If you can be as obsessive about getting stuff out of your head and onto the page, as you can with an app or a game, that’s a great groove to be in.
(This tip was from here)

Now try closing this window and doing that thing instead.

(unless you want to leave a COMMENT with your own tips for getting started?)

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Pram In Bits

2011-08-18T19:45:00.003+01:00

This is instruction 23 of the replacement instructions for the chassis recall on Phil&Teds Explorer pram.

They call it an upgrade.

Help.

(Phil&Teds Chassis Recall, by the way, will be the name of my new band).

CLICK HERE for all my Dad Stuff

CLICK HERE for my raw story ideas

CLICK HERE for my raw scenes

Click here to get these by email

Best/Worst Household Gift Ideas

2011-08-16T14:16:00.003+01:00

Let me show my Pride for our Nation as I welcome you to my home, and- Wait- No- What are you doing? Stop that! Stop It!

CLICK HERE for my Raw Lines

CLICK HERE for my Scenes

Follow me BY EMAIL here

Day Of The Toddler

2011-08-14T19:46:00.001+01:00

Convinced 9 mth old son will press my neck and accidentally kill me like that bit in Day Of The Jackal. He's got quite a grip. Shame for both of us.

CLICK HERE for all my Dad Stuff

CLICK HERE for my Raw Lines

CLICK HERE for my Scenes

Follow me BY EMAIL here

High Street Aquarium

2011-08-11T19:45:00.002+01:00

Turns out those fish that nibble at your feet are USELESS on beer guts

CLICK HERE for all my Dad Stuff

CLICK HERE for my Raw Lines

CLICK HERE for my Scenes

Follow me BY EMAIL here

This is how I answer the phone... Fave TV #3 Some Mothers Do Ave Em

2011-08-09T19:45:00.002+01:00

Putting 100 of my favourite TV moments on here...

#3 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em

Jessica is about to be born.
Betty has gone into labour.
Frank Spencer is trying to call the Midwife.

From The Baby Arrives (S2 E6)

Full top 100 fave TV clips list here

<-- #2 Fave TV: The Best Steadicam Shot In The World Ever

#4 Fave TV: The Best Pitch Invasion Ever -->

Product idea: NIKEA

2011-08-08T19:29:00.019+01:00

Idea:

NIKEA. Trainers you assemble yourself.

CLICK HERE for all my other ideas

CLICK HERE for Raw Lines

Nets of Lights

2011-08-07T17:07:00.000+01:00

Ah, 'Nets of lights' - the woodchip wallpaper for the Middle Classes.

CLICK HERE for all my Raw Lines

CLICK HERE for all my Dad Stuff

CLICK HERE for all my Scenes

Peace of Mind. Via my junk mail.

2011-08-04T17:16:00.006+01:00

Love how my Junk Mail is obsessed with offering me Peace Of Mind.

Here are some from my 2007 collection.

Southern Water - Peace Of Mind Guaranteed

South East Water - Peace Of Mind by Direct Debit

Egg Card - Peace Of Mind, free for one month

Thames Water - Peace Of Mind, for only £5.99 per month

MBNA Europe - Peace Of Mind, for protection from fraud fraud fraudlent fraudlent

Got any more? Leave me a message on COMMENTS below!

All my Junk Mail is here

All my Peace Of Mind stuff is here

All my Dad Stuff is here

How Broadcast Magazine photos are done.

2011-08-03T16:55:00.008+01:00

How Broadcast Magazine photos are made. (In 1998).

Photographer:
Dont smile. Look down.

I look down.

Photographer:
Now look up.

I look up.

Photographer:
WITHOUT moving your head.

I try doing that, but I can tell he still hasn't got what he's after.

Photographer:
Now look like you don't want to be here.

(See also "How to look AngryDrunk in print")

CLICK HERE for all my Scenes

CLICK HERE for all my Raw Lines

Mummys Computer

2011-08-02T17:46:00.005+01:00

In the doghouse. Referred to the dishwasher as "Mummy's computer". Long story.

CLICK HERE for all my Phrases

CLICK HERE for all my Raw Lines

CLICK HERE for all my Scenes

CLICK HERE for all my Dad Stuff

Is it Mother load or Mother lode?

2011-08-01T17:15:00.006+01:00

Is it Mother load or Mother lode?

Or motherload

or motherlode?

Feel free to leave a comment in COMMENTS below!

All my links to Phrases here

All my Raw Lines here

All my Raw Scenes here

Fave TV #2 The Best Steadicam Shot In The World Ever

2011-07-28T17:35:00.003+01:00

27 seconds of GOLD. From Eurovision 2009.

...and this is how Karsten Jacobsen did it:

Crash a handlebar-less segway into the stage while holding your steadicam... but just remember to keep on running...

UPDATE -- 27 Dec 2011

This is what happens when it goes wrong... (via @fieldproducer)

Full top 100 fave TV clips list here

<-- #1 Fave TV: Control Rooms and production galleries

#3 This is how I answer the phone - Fave TV: Some Mothers Do Ave Em -->

Fave TV #1 Control Rooms and production galleries

2011-07-24T15:53:00.022+01:00

Putting my fave 100 bits of TV into one place.

Starting with TV eating itself.

These got me wanting to do this for a living, (and why we put a gallery shot into every titles sequence of The RDA (completely lifted from the CNN live "break bumper" shots of the time)).

One from 1989 with Jeremy Paxman...

Here’s another (not safe for work)

And one from the States during the Oscars (Louis J Horwitz)

Full top 100 fave TV clips list here

Fave TV #2 The Best Steadicam Shot In The World Ever -->

My Favourite 100 TV Moments

2011-07-22T15:18:00.029+01:00

My fave 100 TV moments.

I put them here.

I've not finished the list yet, but here they are. Absolutely in no particular order whatsoever...

1 Control Rooms and production galleries

2 The Best Steadicam Shot In The World Ever

3 Some Mothers Do 'Ave Em

4 The Best Pitch Invasion Ever?

5 The Best Awards Acceptance Speech Ever?

6 Pingu Needs A Wee

7 When ITV Regions Ruled The World (The ITV Region Start Up Theme Tune)

8 Favourite Standup Comedian who is no longer with us

9 The Adverts

Not yet placed...
Best Series Opening Ever
Live 70s music performances
Late Night with David Letterman
Gordon Brown leaving Downing Street technocrane shot
Tour De France
Tiswas
Thunderbirds
State Of Play
Arrested Development
Father Ted
Thames Television
The Crossroads Closing Titles Sequence
Capital City
Saturday Live
The Aaron Spelling Story

Entertainment Debt

2011-07-18T10:54:00.002+01:00

Entertainment Debt
First heard this phrase from Phil Bowker 2 years ago to cover all those tv shows and films "I keep meaning to catch up on".

Wanted to document this because I keep using this expression without credit.

You can consolidate your Entertainment Debt with a box set.

You can get friends further into Entertainment Debt with well-meaning expressions like "...oh, you MUST see xxxx"

But you will never be completely Entertainment Debt-free.

Podcast Of The Week... Walt Disney on Great Lives

2011-06-27T17:24:00.004+01:00

I love this series - Great Lives - but this one was pretty clever.

"Gerald Scarfe, creator of some of the most savage cartoon images of the last forty years, chooses Walt Disney for Great Lives. Brian Sibley and Roger Rabbit creator Richard Williams join presenter Matthew Parris in the studio debate."

Great Lives: Walt Disney website here

Podcast via this player:
Google Gadget called by iframe

or CLICK HERE for Walt Disney: Great Lives (TO DOWNLOAD - Right click and "save target as" or "download linked file as")

All my Disney links are here

A Complete List Of Every Kind Of Story Or Plot...

2011-03-28T20:30:00.001+01:00

Looking for story writing inspiration?

Here's a complete list of every kind of story or plot...

A complete list of plots on the site that covers television tropes and idioms...
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Plots

There's even a list of comedy tropes
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ComedyTropes

CLICK HERE for all my other COOL STUFF posts

CLICK HERE for all my FAVOURITE SITES

Podcast Of The Week... Jeff Goldsmith talks to Michael Arndt about writing Toy Story 3

2010-11-22T22:46:00.000Z

Huge fan of @yogoldsmith Creative Screenwriting Magazine's screenwriting podcasts here:
http://creativescreenwritingmagazine.blogspot.com/

This mp3 is awesome - screenwriter on TOY STORY 3 talking about how they break stories at Pixar, and detail on how Toy Story 3 was written...

CLICK HERE FOR LINK!

Hanging Out With The Boss

2010-11-19T19:10:00.004Z

"The greatest moments in life are not concerned with selfish achievement but rather with the things we do for the people we love and esteem, and whose respect we need."

Walt Disney

"What camera we on?"

Me

Take Your Daughter To Work Day, on the RDA...

2010-04-13T13:44:00.002+01:00

Came across this fragment of The RDA with John Gordillo, from April 2000...

The RDA
created by John Gordillo & Neil Mossey

Click here for all RDA posts

Click here for all Writer posts

TV Writers Day - Leicester Comedy Festival 2010

2010-02-18T13:07:00.004Z

Appearing this Saturday on the panel at the TV Writers Day at DMU.

Eminent TV writers are to share their expertise and career advice at a public event at De Montfort University later this month during Leicester Comedy Festival.

The event consists of keynote speeches along with question and answer panels hosted by DMU’s MA Television Scriptwriting team.

More details here:-
http://www.dmu.ac.uk/news_events/news/current/100215_2_TV_Scriptwriting_day.jsp

All my Comedy links here

sock sucker

2010-02-01T11:43:00.005Z

New swears for pre-watershed comedy scripts come from odd places.
Like ESPN Argentina.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/jan/21/carlos-tevez-gary-neville-boot-licker

Click here for Phrases

Writing for standup for radio

2010-01-26T23:06:00.009Z

Writing for/ at/ with/ stand-up comedian John Gordillo and his appearance last week on the Radio 4 behemoth, the News Quiz.

The process still looks pretty much like this, but without the pictures.

What we came up with sounds a bit like this.

Direct link here

CLICK HERE for my Writer credits

CLICK HERE for my Radio links

CLICK HERE for my Stand-Up Comedy Material posts

This year, in development

2010-01-11T11:58:00.009Z

The upside with working on development projects is the variety of the blank page, and the chance to mould material from scratch.

The downside? Can't even mention who I'm working for, let alone on what.

Proud to plug, though, currently in the presence of like-minded souls in the Talkback Thames comedy department, and the only way I can pretty up this post is with this 2010 updated version of the old Thames TV logo.
(from roll the dice on the Londonist blog)

Freefonix - Prepsie Idol - one more time

2009-11-02T15:50:00.004Z

Just seen the episode of Freefonix which I wrote with Rob Venes, PREPSIE IDOL, gets another airing tomorrow on CBBC.

from www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b009gcz1

Children's animation about a teenage band that discover a magic note, much to the chagrin of the record companies.

While Mya tries to figure out a way to sell Fizzy Blast, an overly carbonated ComaCo soft drink, Vox announces he's detected a 13th note prodigy in Los Bosmos. Seeing a way to kill two birds with one stone, Mya holds a viddycast prepsie music contest designed to draw out the prodigy.

Freez alone gets picked to perform, while BB and Mo track down Coda, the prodigy. BB empathizes with Coda's desire to win the contest, but she convinces him not to play 13th note. As Coda and Freefonix get away, the Mantis goes after them. A sound clash ensues in which Coda helps our heroes defeat Kurtz, Lady Lux and Hitt.

All my Freefonix links here
http://neilmossey.blogspot.com/search/label/Freefonix

About Me

2009-07-22T14:08:00.014+01:00

Hello.

I am a UK based TV comedy writer and script editor specialising in team-written narrative for family, teen and children’s shows. My credits include "My Parents Are Aliens" (itv1), "Freefonix" (BBC One), "Blackout" (Channel 4), "SuperNormal" (itv1), "The Worst Witch" (itv1), the double BAFTA-winning "Hedz" (BBC One), and "The RDA with John Gordillo" (BBC Choice).

I have also written on two of the world’s biggest web series, (lonelygirl15 and KateModern), the House Of Lies official ipad app (Showtime Networks), and run workshops on interactive storytelling for academic and commercial organisations.

http://www.neilmossey.com/

This is my home for links to shows I've worked on.

If you want to get in touch, just click on the comment form by clicking on "comments" below

or via PAUL STEVENS
@ Independent Talent (formerly I.C.M. London)
paulstevens at indeppendenttalent dot com
76 Oxford Street London W1N 0AX
020 7636 6565
+44 20 7636 6565

My listings on imdb.com - The Internet Movie Database

Working on a sketch show...

2009-04-29T17:44:00.005+01:00

Follow up to "what writing with a standup actually looks like".

Hedz wins TWO BAFTAs

2009-01-04T20:29:00.004Z

HEDZ - ('live action' sketch series - wrote over 2 hours of material with Ed Dyson)
- won 2 BAFTA awards...

Best Entertainment, Children's and Best Children's Programme, Scotland.

Click here for all my links to HEDZ

My site for following Online Drama and Webseries ...

2008-11-11T22:41:00.005Z

Started this blog:- http://storygas.blogspot.com/

Here's more from the ABOUT ME page on the site:-

In 2008, I was a writer on Season 2 of the Online Drama KateModern: storylining 157 and scripting 74 webisodes in six months. The series gained 66 million video hits - and a community response so seemingly disproportionate to the short daily episodes we were delivering.

Something else was going on, and I was getting first hand experience (guided by the path blazed by Miles Greg and Amanda - The lonelygirl15 Creators) - a transaction with the audience which is vastly different from the one we're used to in TV, Radio and Film production.

The series was being produced while the audience was able to comment, contact, contribute to and discuss - and feedback from that community was incorporated back into the series. Which, in turn, strengthened and grew the community around it.

Since the show came to an end in June this year, I have given talks on what it was like working on KateModern, and "Writing Online Narrative" more generally - and found myself referencing the same shows, links and sites. It seemed crazy not to have a place where I could 'bank' those, and update them with more news and links as I stumble upon them myself.

Welcome to StoryGas!

The posts are biased towards...

- Online narrative

(rather than factual or entertainment series,
such as "Black Cab Sessions"
StSanders' surreal genius Shreds,
or BBC News' "The Box")

- Live action

(rather than animations like Salad Fingers
or Charlie The Unicorn)

- 'Open' shows

(produced and uploaded while the audience are (or were) able to contribute, rather than 'closed' series which are completely produced, done and dusted, before uploading).

This is probably the biggest difference between "Online Narrative" and say, a TV show on, say, BBC iplayer. The definitions of 'ongoing' are still bedding down - a 'closed' one-off show such as Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog could be seen as part of the ongoing community around Joss Whedon's content, or the completed series of The Guild as part of a larger building of a community around that show...

So this is the blog. In the meantime I'm working on 3 commissioned online shows, and hope to share gossip from them with you here as they progress.

Feel free to say HI by clicking on anywhere marked "Comments" -- there are already others out there writing and producing online shows... with exactly the same questions as you -- we can help each other out with the answers!

Or email direct - storygas at gmail dot com

http://storygas.blogspot.com/