Monday, 23 April 2018

What if I list my top 5 near death experiences for a laugh? 1 BORIS BIKE CRASH #WeAreTheProblem

I overthink everything to make the world a happier place

What if I list my top 5 near death experiences for a laugh?

5. Racing Sammy up the council estate slide.
4. Canal boat crush.
3. Bedroom light switch.
2. Lake Tahoe police shootout.
1. Boris Bike crash.


I came off my Boris Bike at 6pm
, but only found out about it 3 hours later.
This is my number 1 best near death experience because I don’t remember a thing.
All near death experiences should be like this.

I think I was rushed to hospital.
Which was a complete waste of time because I wouldn't have noticed anything until around 11.

I was treated there by the maxillofacial department.
It’s called maxillofacial because when your face is smashed up and you're undergoing maxillofacial treatment, the one word you can’t say is maxillofacial.

I know my head injury was bad, because my biggest worry was “did somebody get the bike docked?”

City of London Police didn't just get it back within the hour.
They even found an empty docking station.
They are tidy.

I love that the City Of London has its own police force.
Because you know, the capital's just that little bit too big for the Metropolitan Police.
“We cannot cope with a single extra square mile.”

That’s why we have different police forces, so they can’t take over the UK.

Maybe a police state isn’t so bad.

I’d like to see their take on running our schools.

They could invite teachers to come in and give talks at assembly.

See how they like it.

And we would still have a Prime Minister.

But they’d make them stand outside all day at Number 10 on the doorstep

What did I learn?
Don't put your heavy bag in the handlebars basket to keep it safe.
Try to ride the bike from there instead.

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What if I list my top 5 near death experiences for a laugh? 2 LAKE TAHOE POLICE SHOOTOUT #WeAreTheProblem

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