Wednesday, 18 April 2018
What if Im just not built to be an Alpha Male? #WeAreTheProblem
I overthink everything to make the world a happier place
What if I'm just not built to be an Alpha Male?
All men want to be Alpha Males.
But they don’t say it out loud.
Because as soon as you say “I am the winner. I am the Leader. I am Number 1”
Everyone wants to hack you down.
Only a true Alpha Male is stupid enough to not get that.
So I am a proud Beta Male.
With my limited resources, and second best chances at everything.
It’s the perfect place to watch Alphas running things.
Into the ground.
For their benefit.
Because they say so.
I want to be the best Beta Male.
Which I know sounds a little bit Alpha.
But that means I’m already failing at it.
Which is completely Beta.
I’m thwarted. We're good.
I don’t know which Beta Male quality I like best.
Being indecisive or not picking a choice.
They’re called Alphas because they gave themselves the first letter of the Greek Alphabet.
It’s also the Greek letter that looks the most like a male virile seed.
It’s like a big head with a strong tail.
That thing is gonna impregnate anything.
And the Greek Letter Beta, is the flabby blob trailing behind it.
No. Alphabet. They couldn't even be bothered to squeeze in our whole name.
And this is how low we are:
If you type “Beta Male” into Wikipedia, it redirects you to “Alpha Male”.
We haven’t even got our own page.
A friend came into my work for a coffee, and we bumped into an Alpha Male he used to work for.
After, Alpha asks me for the guy’s contact details, to boss him around some more I guess.
“Sure.” I pull out my phone to get the number.
“No. Just email it to me.”
"I've got it right here."
"I'll get it by email."
If I don’t give it, it’s a battle, that someone’s got to “win”.
And if I do give it, I'm now working for this douche.
Since then he married Britain's biggest Alpha Female and got loads of beautiful kids in a stunning mansion.
But... is he happy?
Also, if I spend less time on her Instagram would I achieve more?
Probably, but that’s not the point.
Women moan a lot about Alpha Male behaviour.
To Beta Males.
That’s our job in Nature.
We are masters of the Friend Zone.
But then the Alphas still get the best breeding opportunities.
If only Beta Males were more assertive, maybe they'd say something like:
“I promise you, I can fix the World in an instant.
Can you just stop doing Alphas for five minutes?”
But we won’t.
And they won’t.
On the upside, I am totally owning it over on the Omegas.
What if I am incapable of looking after my own personal data? #WeAreTheProblem
All about me, and getting these by email.