Wednesday, 7 March 2018

What if my son is finally ready to learn the facts of life. That you don’t talk about them in public. #PowerDaydream



I overthink everything to make the world a happier place:

What if my son is finally ready to learn the facts of life. That you don’t talk about them in public.

Neil is in the kitchen with his Long-Suffering Wife (LSW).

LSW
I think he’s ready. To find out about that kind of stuff. Everything.

NEIL
I didn’t tell you about what happened last Summer.
We were in the queue at the station. It was packed - the ticket office - really long line...
And he goes, really loudly:
“Daddy... Your willy has gone all big!”
(OFF LSW)
But it hadn’t.
It was just my shorts.

LSW
The chunky cream ones.

NEIL
Right. The tan ones. The fabric’s really thick so, you know, they bulge there.
“Daddy - your willy’s gone all big.”

LSW
And?
(OFF NEIL)
What did you say?

NEIL
I can’t remember. I don’t want to remember.
So now I’m stuck.
If I deny it, it looks like I’m lying, and covering it up.

LSW
But if you don’t say anything...

NEIL
It means I’ve got a hard on in the train queue.
In front of my kid.

LSW
You do like trains though.

NEIL
It was the shorts.

LSW
So that’s what you said.

NEIL
I think so. I would’ve said something.

LSW
And then looked like you’re completely covering it up.

NEIL
We’ve got to tell him. I think he’s ready.

LSW
I’m not sure more information’s going to help this.

NEIL
Neither am I. Maybe we could just... tell him absolutely everything.
Overwhelm him into silence.

LSW
Like everyone in the station.


Previous post...
What if I get the doorbell that rings on my phone wherever I am in the world? #PowerDaydream


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