Tuesday, 14 November 2017

Thwarting the next explosion #DadDirt



A Gold-Command-style situation room.

Female POLICE CHIEF leans in for a closer look at a live CCTV feed as other female COMMANDERS gather round.

POLICE CHIEF
She’s headed for the supermarket.

CCTV zooms into track a menopausal mum, strutting towards the entrance.

POLICE COMMANDER 1
(on radio)
Send in teams 2, 7, and 9.

POLICE SWAT TEAMS in dark fatigues swarm as troops with helmets and shields... busting into fire entrances and staking out sniper positions.

POLICE COMMANDER 2
Do we evacuate?

POLICE CHIEF is torn. Ice cold, but everything is on her shoulders.

POLICE CHIEF
If we let it go ahead, we can contain it.

POLICE COMMANDER 1
If she goes off in the shopping centre...

POLICE COMMANDER 2
It’ll be in all directions.

POLICE CHIEF
(to herself)
Is she working alone?

POLICE COMMANDER 1
SHE’S GOING IN.

POLICE CHIEF
(into radio) Get me visuals. I need cover.

CCTV cameras flit to find teh woman at the checkout.

POLICE CHIEF
Shhhhh!

She turns up the volume to listen as the WOMAN explodes in rage at the customer in front of her.

WOMAN
EXCUSE ME. WE HAVEN’T GOT ALL DAY.
WE’RE WAITING FOR YOU.

POLICE CHIEF
Code Lavender.

POLICE COMMANDER 1
Go! Go, Go, Go, Go!

CUSTOMER
Sorry, I’m just--

WOMAN
THE WORLD DOESN’T REVOLVE AROUND YOU.
IF YOU DON’T GET A MOVE ON--

POLICE SWAT TEAMS storm the checkout.

CUSTOMERS AND STAFF scream and flee.

POLICE SWAT 1
Cheer up, love. Get some perspective.

WOMAN
DON’T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO THINK.

POLICE CHIEF grabs POLICE COMMANDER 1’S headset.

POLICE CHIEF
No! Abort! Team 2 - send in Team 2!

POLICE SWAT 2 barges to the front.

POLICE SWAT 2
Come and have a cuddle.

WOMAN
STOP TRYING TO CONTROL ME.

POLICE CHIEF throws the headset in temper.

POLICE CHIEF
TNS - Where’s - the - T-N-S?!

POLICE COMMANDER 2
(into radio)
Deploy T-N-S. Repeat--

POLICE SWAT 3 steps foward - on eggshells.

POLICE SWAT 3
We understand--
Oooh look. Tea and cake.

REVEAL: SWAT TEAMS with china and pastries arranged on their shields as trays.

WOMAN
WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME?

POLICE SWAT 3
You’re absolutely right.
I’m so sorry.

SITUATION ROOM: POLICE CHIEF regains composure.

POLICE CHIEF
(into radio)
Send in the mags.

POLICE SWAT 3 winces on her earpiece.

POLICE SWAT 3
(with magazines on shields)
There’s Homes and Gardens... or some interior design ideas.

WOMAN starts crying.

WOMAN
You don’t understand.

SWAT TEAMS all nod with sympathy.

SWAT TEAMS
(in unison)
We know.

From a crouch position POLICE SWAT 4 bellows into a radio.

POLICE SWAT 4
Clear sight. CHAIR ONE, CHAIR TWO, CHAIR THREE--

Soft armchairs teamed into place round the checkout.

POLICE CHIEF
(off monitor)
Drop her. Drop her now.

The WOMAN falls onto the couch.

POLICE SWAT 4
Down! Target is down.

CHEERING and APPLAUSE and BACKSLAPS in the situation room.

POLICE CHIEF refuses to accept them.

POLICE CHIEF
Too close. That was too close.


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Kids app developers. And what goes on in their heads #DadDirt


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