Wednesday, 8 November 2017

Here's how I know that I am Not The Worst Man In The World #DadDirt



DAD is letting MUM in from a night out.

DAD
I love it when you go out with your friends.

MUM
I know... because you get the place to yourself.

DAD
No. Well, yeah, that is pretty good. But not the best bit.

MUM
You get to turn the heating down.

DAD
No.

MUM
Four eps of Ice Road Truckers.

DAD
No.

MUM
Outback Truckers.

DAD
No-- the best bit is that I know that you get to hear about all the bad stuff everyone else’s husbands are doing - and you hear stuff that makes me not the worst man in the world.

MUM
No.

DAD
I’m right. I can tell. You don’t tell me anything, and I know that it’s a validation - a vindication that you are not with the worst man in the world.

MUM
That’s not true.

DAD
It is. I am not the worst. Admit it.

MUM
I’m not.

DAD
You don’t tell me anything that they do.

MUM is poker face.

DAD
So I know it’s bad. Isn’t it?
(NOTHING)
What their husbands do is really bad...

Still no sign off MUM.

DAD
Oooh. It’s stuff you wouldn’t tolerate for 5 seconds.

On MUM: still nothing.

DAD
And you’ve got to listen to it! From The Girls, knowing that even the very worst of what I do, isn’t nearly as bad.

DAD bursts.

DAD
(PUNCHES AIR)
Whoop! I’m not the worst!

He does a victory dance.

DAD
In your face.
(THEN)
And I know this is going straight back to the others.
(THEN)
Except... it can’t.
Because you’d have to tell them that they’ve got men worse than me.
It gets better!

He stops dancing.

DAD
Please don’t delete the Outback Truckers.


Previous post...
Sorry to bother you but the porn's not working again #DadDirt


All about me, and getting these by email.