Thursday, 13 July 2017

The worst favour I ever asked my little sister #DadDirt



You know that you are a Great British Dad when...
...you look back at the times you were horrible to your not so little sister.


Camden High Street, junction with Parkway, 1996. Or 1997. I can't remember.
I know it was definitely too old to make this call on my chunky Nokia.

ME
Hello? Thank god you're in.

My Sister is on the family phone.
It was definitely a year before she and everyone else had one.

SISTER
Are you okay? I thought you were with--

ME
Your friend? No, she uhm, she left this morning.

SISTER
(goading) Okayyyy.

ME
So er... this is a really difficult thing to ask.

SISTER
Don't worry - what d'ya need?!

ME
I think... I think... I might have I left a thingy out on the side.

SISTER
A thingy?

ME
A condom. It's a condom, and I really don't want Mum to see it.

SISTER
Oh that's okay, she won't mind that...

I wince as she processes this.

SISTER
Oh.

ME
You know I wouldn't ask this if I didn't absolutely have to.

Long pause.

ME
Could you... do you think you could get rid of it for me?

My sister takes a deep breath.

ME
Before she sees it?

She straightens herself.

SISTER
Okay.

ME
You don't mind?

SISTER
(stoic) No, I'll deal with it.

ME
But it's used. I don't want you seeing that.

SISTER
I know.

ME
But I can't just leave it there...

SISTER
I'll get it.

ME
Wow, thanks. You're the best.

SISTER
Yes.
Yes, I am.

What's the worst thing you've ever done?


Previous post...
Every Time I Do Your Wife She Gives Me A Biscuit #DadDirt


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