Wednesday, 8 March 2017

The woman who wees herself in the BBC nuclear bomb drama Threads. #BritishDadStuff



You know that you are a Great British Dad...
...when you don't want to expose your kids to the same traumatic moments in history as you.


EXT. LEVEL CROSSING - DAY

ME and the LONG-SUFFERING WIFE saunter over the town's level crossing.

ME:
I'm not so sure that our son being obsessed with the Titanic, is a good thing.

LONG-SUFFERING WIFE (LSW):
I know. You don't want to block it, because it's history.

ME:
And science.

LSW:
And geography.

ME:
But it's also fifteen hundred people dying.

LSW:
Fifteen hundred and seventeen. We know it all too now.

ME:
And "the fourth funnel is a fake".

LSW:
Funny, isn't it - everyone living in fear.
When none of it makes any difference 20 years later.

ME:
When I was 8, I was obsessed with the Nuclear Warning adverts.
What to do in a nuclear attack.
Think Nationwide did a special on it, and couldn't get them out of my head.

LSW:
They made us watch that Drama about it at school. They didn't say anything about it - before or after - they just played it to us a really grim film about Nuclear War. And then it ended. And then we went to the next lesson.

ME:
Threads. It was called Threads.

LSW:
All I remember was the baby that came out deformed, and the woman who wees herself.

ME:
The woman who wees herself in the street when she sees the mushroom cloud.

LSW:
You'd think that'd be enough to make you famous.

ME:
Every kid our age knows her.

LSW:
If you say Nuclear War Drama to anyone in their forties, they'd say... "the woman who wees herself in the street".

ME:
That poor woman.

LSW:
How do you audition for that?

ME:
(A LA PRODUCER) “It's a landmark controversial drama. It's the 1980s, so all dramas are controversial - but this, this is the big one.”

LSW:
Great, what am I going to be - one of the survivors?

ME:
Not exactly.

LSW:
Great - so the Bomb goes off and I'm, horribly mutated? Maybe a lot of make up?

ME:
Only a little bit...

LSW:
Will I get any special effects?

ME:
Oh yeah. Definitely.

LSW:
Maybe it wasn't even in the script.

ME:
She improvised. Or just really nervous.

LSW:
Yeah. Action! Now imagine the Mushroom Cloud, in front of you...

ME:
Give me more. The whole country is watching this. On BBC One...

LSW:
And all the schoolkids two years later...

ME:
(STRAIN NOISES)
Puddle. And cut.





Previous post...
My one star review of a furniture superstore. But really, the one star is for me. For being there. #BritishDadStuff


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