Thursday, 22 September 2016

Getting a new computer and unboxing my dwindling manhood - #BritishDadStuff

You know that you are a Great British Dad...
...when you start making unboxing videos for YouTube.

Our computer, for reasons too dull to explain, is right in the middle of our living room.

We are so lucky - we’ve never had a time like this - where we can get to - from our house - every single thing that’s ever been written... pretty much any sound and video file... and everything that’s being written right now... And, this thing, can also put our sounds and videos and things that we've made out there... to anyone... to last forever...

And what do we use it for?

Looking up fencing panels and the Mail Online.

It’s like - as a species - we don’t deserve these leaps forward.

It was probably exactly the same in caveman times... you know “Look Ugg, we got FIRE!”

“Great. I’m just going over there to stare at some sticks... and man look at that... she DID wear that same animal skin twice last season.”

Anyway, our computer died.

And it was very sad.

It was cranky and couldn’t do the things it used to do... it was losing its memory... needed a lot of help just getting around.

In our hearts, we knew it probably wasn’t going to make it through the next update and we had to face the fact that its time had come.

So we had it put down.

You’ve got to remind yourself that it’s just a vessel.

We had the files stuffed and mounted.

It used to be that I liked shopping for gadgets.

How cruel is that - looking for a brand new computer, on this doddery old thing that couldn’t even boot itself up in the morning.

We’ve got all this technology in the house - enough to send someone to the Moon (if NASA wanted that mission of “flicking through Facebook on “most recent” and checking what Lindsay Lohan’s doing right now”).

But when I last bought a computer, I was in my thirties.

So the urge to get a massive tower with blue neon lighting and kickass speakers is really strong.

But I know it’s fading.

The cushions in our living room could not be getting bigger.

And here I am looking for the smallest most sensible space-saving specs.

All know is that I don’t need a computer right now for that picture of my dwindling manhood.

Anyway, me and the boy filmed an unboxing in a desperate bid to up the hits on the YouTube channel. And another ten minute step towards living off the $1.29 from Google Ads.

And it’s really difficult making unboxing videos, for men.

Because right at the exact moment that all you want to do is tear into the box...

To get to the stuff, that’s in the box...

That’s the very moment that you’ve got to do all this other stuff.

Like “pointing the camera the right way” and “pressing the red button”.

And you’re trying to show the stuff, but you don’t want to show too much stuff.

Because people will do something with all the personal stuff about you.

That’s typical men isn’t it - you want to be generous and show the stuff but not too generous or too much stuff.

It’s just hit me that I’ve not made unboxing videos for all the massive cushions we've got.


Oh yeah, the video. Here it is.

My complete guide to Understanding Your British Dad will appear here, when I've read through it.

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