Thursday, 9 June 2016

Ideas for British baby names - we didnt try hard enough #BritishDadStuff



You know that you are a Great British Dad...
...when you wonder if you tried hard enough in naming your kids.


We were at the soft play centre.
Which for me means staring into space for an hour, guarding the sweet, toy and tattoo machines from my kids who always manage to find a bit of coin (usually under the machines).

The loop of yelling from the other parents not boxing clever like me goes something like this: "Trinity! Bear! Stone! Roman! Bear!"
(Keep up, it's a different Bear).

What if we didn't try hard enough naming our kids?

We got through weeks of hospital staff snark about calling our first born "Male Infant Mossey" (which I still reckon has a ring to it)... But now I'm not sleep-deprived, I've got some places to get new ones:

“The Moons Of Jupiter.”
There's 58 to chose from.
Like Callisto,
Io,
Gannymede?

“Bits of Salad.”
Kale.
Chard.
Or Rocket?
(That one's good for the Dads blatantly "strong-naming" their son. You know the ones.)

“Dance Music.”

Desi - Nu-Prog,
Techno,
Emo,
EBM,
Zydeco, Dark Wave or Blip-Hop?

"Different words for backbone."
Pluck.
Spirit.
Spine.
Moxie, Grit, or Spunk?

“Designs of Sofa.”
Divan?
Sedan?
That's all I've got.

“Roads in Surrey”
B3000?
The rest are a bit fancy.

"Shampoo Science."
Liposomes (for a boy)
Nanosomes (for a girl),
Hexa-peptide,
Borage?

I'm done.
Imperata Cylindrica.
No.
Now I'm ready for the next one.
If it happens.
I've got to sort out this vasectomy first - a whole other ballache I've not got round to yet.
There's another.
Vasectomy.


My complete guide to Understanding Your British Dad is coming together here

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How to feel good as a freelance... The Diva Paradox and Glenn Miller in a muddy field


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