Monday, 23 May 2016
Do you share your passwords with your wife? #BritishDadStuff
You know you are a Great British Dad...
...when you keep at least one password from your other half.
I don't know my wife's passwords and she doesn't know mine.
And we're both really comfortable with that.
It's not a boundary that either wants to go over.
We're at that stage where we've done so much over all sorts of bathroom boundaries - this is probably one final last bit of space for each other.
But then if something happened to me - suddenly - what would happen to all those electronic places?
Maybe they should die with me - never logged into again.
Can you put passwords in a will?
Or pass on the keys to your electronic junk?
We've got a joint password to keep the kids out of stuff.
It's on the tablet, several computers and the Freeview box.
But like the cereal packets, TV, fridge and my phone... our kids will crack it one day.
One day we'll slip - a moment of weakness - they'll see the digits and crack out all the electronicness we've kept from them.
There should be a ceremony for it - like a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm clearing out the computer and found this - wrote it 10 years ago - what if married couples handed over their passwords as part of their ceremony. (For "It's That Jo Caulfield Again" on Radio 4...)
I thought all the references in it would now be broken and dated, but weirdly looks like more puns than I thought might've survived.
I doubt I will ever get this many puns into one minute ever again.
WEDDING PASSWORD SKETCH by Neil Mossey
GRAMS: END OF HERE COMES THE BRIDE ORGAN MUSIC.
FX: CHURCH ACCOUSTIC
Dearly beloved, we are gathered gathered here today, in the sight of God, to witness the passing of the password from Stuart to Josephine.
If anyone knows of any legal impediment to Josephine accessing the internet... please email now, or forever hold your I.S.P's.
Who is to give this password to his wife?
That's me. I do.
Stuart - will you take "Crazylegs3" as your password?
To download, Google... and E-bay.
To send and receive, in sickness and in health.
For as long as you are both online?
And Josephine, you are now entering an unsecured site.
Do you wish to continue?
I, Josephine Immaculata Caulfield, do take "Crazylegs3" to be my password.
To have and to... sometimes forget.
From this day forward, to bookmark and to add to favourites... for as long as we both login.
Could I now Ask Jeeves to bring forward the mouse please.
Stuart and Josephine - In the sight of the webmaster, and the furry gonk that personalises the top of the monitor, I now pronounce you LAN and Wi-fi client.
You may now exchange viruses.
From It's That Jo Caulfield Again, Radio 4, 2006
(also featuring Simon Greenall as the priest, and produced by Chris Neill)
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