Monday, 26 January 2015

I walk too slowly down Leather Lane - British Dad stuff for my kids



Sauntering down Leather Lane the other day - had someone right behind me yelling:

HI VIS MAN:
COME ON!

A bloke off a building site burst round me, all red face and hi-vis vest, shouting in my face.

HI VIS MAN:
HURRY UP!

I was walking too slowly.

On the pavement.

Trouble is, I go from nought to chopsy in under a second.

But it was one of those situations that was so stupid, so massively dumb, that it was delicious.

Everything went like a Matrix-style slow-mo.

I was kind of enjoying this curveball.

In that split second I went from rage to feeling sorry for this man.

That the work he has to offer the world is so immense, that people walking on a pavement are actual physical obstacles to him.

So I offered my profuse apologies.

And then some more, just to make sure I could take it to the next level of sarcasm.
(There we go.)

The words didn't even come out right, but it was something along the lines of

ME:
You've clearly got some very important business to attend to right now.

And he turned round, almost broken, but indignant - like he's nailed some great argument that never happened - and replied.

HI VIS MAN:
Yes. Yes I do, actually.

And with that, he purposefully strode off.

Which would have been his win.
Had his destination not been 3 metres later, here.



Where he had to sheepishly join the end of the queue at Chicken Cottage.
And stand there.

While I walked past.
Very slowly.

The less I say, the bigger people come off as pillocks.

And probably the saddest thing is, I always, always, forget that.


All my British Dad Stuff For My Kids is here

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Even more new rules for our house 2015 (adventures of a tightwad dad)


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