Monday, 26 January 2015

I walk too slowly down Leather Lane - British Dad stuff for my kids

Sauntering down Leather Lane the other day - had someone right behind me yelling:


A bloke off a building site burst round me, all red face and hi-vis vest, shouting in my face.


I was walking too slowly.

On the pavement.

Trouble is, I go from nought to chopsy in under a second.

But it was one of those situations that was so stupid, so massively dumb, that it was delicious.

Everything went like a Matrix-style slow-mo.

I was kind of enjoying this curveball.

In that split second I went from rage to feeling sorry for this man.

That the work he has to offer the world is so immense, that people walking on a pavement are actual physical obstacles to him.

So I offered my profuse apologies.

And then some more, just to make sure I could take it to the next level of sarcasm.
(There we go.)

The words didn't even come out right, but it was something along the lines of

You've clearly got some very important business to attend to right now.

And he turned round, almost broken, but indignant - like he's nailed some great argument that never happened - and replied.

Yes. Yes I do, actually.

And with that, he purposefully strode off.

Which would have been his win.
Had his destination not been 3 metres later, here.

Where he had to sheepishly join the end of the queue at Chicken Cottage.
And stand there.

While I walked past.
Very slowly.

The less I say, the bigger people come off as pillocks.

And probably the saddest thing is, I always, always, forget that.

All my British Dad Stuff For My Kids is here

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