Tuesday, 11 February 2014

How I’m Leaving O2 - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

- How I’m Leaving O2 -



Life in 2014:
They don’t teach this in school - how to break up with a supplier.
They should.

Here’s how suppliers work - we all know this - I’ve just never tried to articulate it.

They have a flash ad campaign - in this case with a weird-but-nice half-man half-unicorn and the best deal.



Then, months later, they creep the prices up. I haven’t found a word for it yet: that direct debit creep. Now, even though you now pay 10% more for the same thing, it’s a ballache to have to move or get it back down again. To go through every Direct Debit Creep™ where it’s “only” gone up by two or three quid a month.



So today I’m leaving O2, nine days after getting the email announcing a price increase. It’s taken me decades to get this, but the trick is to decide on the move and then do it.

Don’t waste time messing around trying to get them to offer a better deal - just go and find a better deal.

(In this case, Virgin Mobile at a monthly rate half of what I’m currently paying with double the data and 4 times the minutes. But that’ll creep up too.)
O2 Retentions:
I’ll just take a look here (at my script)... Maybe we could offer you a better deal.”


Me:
No, that’s alright. Thanks - I just need a PAC code.


O2 Retentions:
Of course. While my computer is generating that, may I ask why you’re thinking of leaving us today?


Me:
Ah, I just felt like it.


O2 Retentions:
I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear a reply. I was just asking, why you’re thinking of leaving us today?


Me:
I just... I don't know... felt like it?


O2 Retentions:
(PAUSE) Okay. I have your PAC code now, do you have a pen and paper?



ME:
(SINGING BADLY) Whatda-have to do, to make you love me...


SERIES OF STILLS: ALL THE GOOD TIMES O2 AND I HAD TOGETHER

- THE O2 STARTUP SCREEN ON MY PHONE;
- THE “HI THERE” WELCOME EMAIL
- TEXT MESSAGE: “Charges since your last bill are £15.99 ex VAT”



- PULL IN SLOWLY ON: “You have 0 anytime any network mins”



ME:
(OFFSCREEN, SINGING BADLY) What'd I got to do, to be heard...


- SCREENGRAB: GUARDIAN: O2 TO CHALLENGE OFCOM OVER MID-CONTRACT PRICE INCREASES



- THE PRICE INCREASE EMAIL:



- CLOSE UP: “Hello Neil”



- CLOSE UP: “Important news about the price of your mobile tariff”



- CLOSE UP: DENSE TEXT WITH RPI AND DATE AND PRICE FIGURES



- CLOSE UP: “How do I know this is really from O2?”



- CLOSE UP: O2 “HELP” ICON



- SCREENGRAB: O2 HELP CHAT “Hello, I need a PAC code”

- CLOSE UP: “Session Aborted”

- CLOSE UP: “BE MORE DOG”



- TEXT MESSAGE: “HERE IS YOUR PAC. TO CLOSE YOUR ACCOUNT”

- PULL IN ON MY REPLY: “Goodbye...”



ME:
(SINGING BADLY) So sad, so sad, what a sad sad situation.
Always seems to me...
...sorry seems to be the hard- est- woorrrrrrrrrd.


FADE TO BLACK

FADE UP AGAIN:
An email tonight from O2 telling me they're billing me for the whole of the next month after leaving.

FADE TO BLACK.

Daddanomics is how dads cope with money.
All the daddanomics posts are tagged here.


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